iwanttolive Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 Please help me, guys.. I don't know whats wrong with me that none of my r/s worked out. I've had 3 before and recently i gotta know this great guy. Had a really great chemistry and it was so wonderful when we kissed and hugged tightly. I dont know whats happening but he's been cold to me, saying he was tired and busy. So i thot guys want space and time to themselves during this time. Yesterday he said sorry that he's been tired and asked me on msn "do you realise that u've been very cold to me?" then i told him "no.. i was afraid to disturb you since ur busy" he logged off without saying anything. I called, msn-ed and texted him, no reply. I'm so lost, duno whats going on... Guys, is there anything wrong wif me??? I feel like such a failure, so retarded in handling r/s problems. I dont even feel like going out to socialise and looking good anymore, because whats the point?? I'm doomed to fail anyway... whats the purpose?? Ive tried my best but what do i get??
LuCidiTy Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 sometimes things just don't work out for reasons you have no control over, so don't be so quick to look to yourself for all the blame. i've known wonderful people who went through 10 times as many relationships as you have before finding the right person. you know that old saying about kissing a lot of frogs?
smileysmile Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 Hi I don't know anything about you. How old you are and if you have children. Many circumstances can have an outcome of how a relationship develops. My ex who is a very sexy and attractive woman didn't have much luck the 3.5 yrs she was single before she met me. Having come out of a 10 yr R before that because she couldn't take anymore of his 'controlling'. They had no children and she was 30 when it ended. So still young. The guys she met before she met me, 2 she dated for 6 mths and a number of other 'sort of' relationships but having put there right foot forward and showed lots of interest they down the line suddenly backed off. My ex seemed to think that they were 'keeping there options' open and made some lame excuses. Started acting strange and messed her about. I guess men do that so don't take it personal. Many of the men are on the rebound and are in denial. Especially if they have kids from a previous R. I think I am going to be on major rebounds because I never wanted my M to end. She left me and I am devastated. I have met a lovely girl, 36 with a 5 yr old. She has a 5 yr old and is ready for a R. She knows my situation. She has fallen for me big time. But although I like her company I am not ready for another R. Yet I know it isn't fair on her. You will find somebody some day. You have to kiss a few frogs before that special man arrives. A word of advice though. Don't show that your needy or desparate. Date the old fashioned way. Don't rush things. That also means don't let him rush you into bed. There are plenty of signs when a man is not genuine. I hope this helps?
bejshermanoaks Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 This scenario you describe might not be a lost one. When a man pulls away, dont take it personal. More often than not they will come back. Check out "Men are from Mars..."; its very common actually. He says men are like rubberbands--they pull away but eventually snap back...so, what Im saying is, men go away, try to fix their problems on their own and eventually come back when they figure it out...when they pull away, just be patient, supportive, trusting and loving. Dont push..he'll come back if he loves you..oh, and dont blame yourself; just dont freak out when they back off, more often than not its temporary...
Author iwanttolive Posted March 22, 2008 Author Posted March 22, 2008 [ There are plenty of signs when a man is not genuine. I hope this helps?] ["Men are from Mars..."; its very common actually. He says men are like rubberbands--they pull away but eventually snap back...so, what Im saying is, men go away, try to fix their problems on their own and eventually come back when they figure it out] Questions guys.. how do i differentiate whether the man is stringing me along or he's just pulling off temporarily? I read the book too - Men are fr Mars - and thats y im confused... He din return my call and my text until many donkey hours and the reply was so short and indifferent. Now i feel like dumping him if he talks to me again.. but each time i have doubts whether im doing the right thing.. If he says he's tired, I feel like saying "I dont think so.. I think you're playing a game and I don't like it!"
Author iwanttolive Posted March 22, 2008 Author Posted March 22, 2008 By the way, smiley, i'm 27, he's 30. Claimed that he has not had r/s for over 1 year. I posted another thread under 'self-improvement and well-being section' I feel that im not good enuff for him and though i should not compare.. I kept thinking what do his ex-es have that i dun have? I dun think i look worse than them. We had great chemistry, really addicted talking to each other.. He said im really desirable. No, i haven't slept with him. Only kisses and hugs. One of his ex-es eventually married a gorgeous man who gave her a mercedes benz for her bday. Not that i covet those material things, just cant help thinking, what do some gals have that i dun have? His ex was average looking.. What is that x-factor that i can't nail down??
bejshermanoaks Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 The only times Ive seen a man string a woman along, personally, is when they are unsure about marrying the girl--so I see it most in situation when the woman wants to be engaged or married and the guy doesnt fully commit to the concept...I dont usually see it in scenarios that dont involve that "issue" so to speak...
smileysmile Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 It is easy. You know when somebody IS or ISN'T interested in you by there odd behaviour. He may not be the right one for you. If he behaving this way. Don't worry the right man will come along someday. You will know it, trust me. Play it cool with this guy if he gets back in touch and starts to show interest. Don't show that your desparate or needy. If he really is genuine then he will act in such a way. It isn't rocket science. Let him chase you. Respond to him but don't show you are needy. Show you are interested but if you feel he is playing games then keep your distance.
Sfbaygirl415 Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 Go to barnes and noble or borders and browse through these books. I think they'll help you. Men Who Can't Love He's Just Not that Into You
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