pinkrazr Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 I have a question. In all my relationships, i have dated guys that are very confident. wich is great because i have none. I have terrible low self esteem... to the p9oint of worthlessness.. I want to know.... I'm not clingy, but I am always willing to please. i put my boyfriend ahead of me for everything. I'm a "yes" person. It's just my nature. maybe I just want to feel accepted, but is being too willing to please, and passive putting me in a bad place? I mean when my boyfriend and I argue, sometimes he can go too far and just manipulate my feelings and words. Of course, i feel like I was the reason for the problem and say I'm sorry. He knows that no matter what he throws at me, i'll be back. always. This has been with all the guys I have dated. I'm not saying they were all jerks, but am i doing this to them? is me being so willing to take a verbal beating making him respect me less? do I make him say these awful things in the heat of the moment, him knowing i'll take it? in a nutshell, Do I ask for this? I dont stand up for myself.... does that mean people naturally bully and walk all over me? this has happened with a few of my friends too.... anyone?
AussieJack Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 I have a question. In all my relationships, i have dated guys that are very confident. wich is great because i have none. I have terrible low self esteem... to the p9oint of worthlessness.. I want to know.... I'm not clingy, but I am always willing to please. i put my boyfriend ahead of me for everything. I'm a "yes" person. It's just my nature. maybe I just want to feel accepted, but is being too willing to please, and passive putting me in a bad place? I mean when my boyfriend and I argue, sometimes he can go too far and just manipulate my feelings and words. Of course, i feel like I was the reason for the problem and say I'm sorry. He knows that no matter what he throws at me, i'll be back. always. This has been with all the guys I have dated. I'm not saying they were all jerks, but am i doing this to them? is me being so willing to take a verbal beating making him respect me less? do I make him say these awful things in the heat of the moment, him knowing i'll take it? in a nutshell, Do I ask for this? I dont stand up for myself.... does that mean people naturally bully and walk all over me? this has happened with a few of my friends too.... anyone? Why do you believe that being so passive and compliant will bring you success with men? Examine your BELIEFS ! Write this on your fridge '" Excessive compliance invites exploitation " ( Just made that up - but it works )
City_girl Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 He's absoulutely right, I am exceessively compliant by narture or nurture and it gerts me nowhere. with men I want but interestingly the one's I don't chase me down for years. Hmmmm?
Author pinkrazr Posted March 21, 2008 Author Posted March 21, 2008 I'm going to print that out in huge letters and put it on my fridge! that was excellent!!! I was also told an amazing quote that really opened me up. it said "Never make someone your priority, when they only make you an option."
mortensorchid Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 You answered your own question. You have low self esteem. And you choose others to abuse you because you think that's all you deserve. The only way you can get out of these situations is to find a way to build your self confidence. How? I don't have an answer for you. That's the next step, only you can answer that.
AussieJack Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 "Never make someone your priority, when they only make you an option." Yeah, thats another one of my gems. I have lots. Perhaps I will keep tossing them at ya and you pick out the ones you like. How about, " Scarcity increases perceived value and triggers desire " Yeak I know -awesome ! You can all thank me later.. LOL !!
xpaperxcutx Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 Being too compliant will allow people to take advantage of you. I know. I used to be too loving towards my ex, I did everything for him and the only thing he ever gave back in return was his constant nagging that I was I didnt do enough or that I was too demanding. Don't be too willing to please anyone. They'll just step all over you.
Gold Pile Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 You've had other BFs so you clearly have qualities that others find attractive. You don't need to hang on to one at all costs. Be willing to dump anyone who gives you crap.
Recommended Posts