lifestyle1 Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Now that pisses me off, and I have not spoken to him in 3 days. he has not called, and today we pulled up to the same gas pump, I nooded and acknowledgement and he just drove off. My Scenario Divorcred with 3 kids (due to infidelity with him) We have lived together since my marriage broke up. He has been separated and is now divocing because his wife is engaged to marry someone else (it's been long enough) She moved out of state and sold him their marital home. He invited me and my 3 children to move into their home and we have been remodelling it to make room (he has 2 children there too that now reside with him. Everyone is happy , well adjusted and excited. I have put $15,000 into the home remodel, as he has bought the home. Well he asked for a $5000 loan for his business, and I was reluctant. I did it, but expressed my reluctance. He said he was hurt, because here he was sharing with me his home, giving him 1/2 of what he owns, and I was reluctant to loan him the money. (this is the 3rd loan- and after a year he did pay back the first 2 loans) Marriage has been brought up and he said eventually we will marry. In the last year he asked me to convert to Christianity (I am jewish) and I said no. He said, then we cannot marry. Now this just sounds like such a crock of **** to me. He is not a faithful Christina, Has had numerous affairs on his wife , until he met me- for which he left her. Does recreational coke, does not attend church unless it is a high holiday. Knows he's not going to heaven. and now, he says he cannot marry me. Well, I told him,. that was an excuse, that this is something he should have made me aware of long ago, and had I known, perhaps I would have made another decision, than leaving my marriage and home - for him. we have not spoken since. it has been 3 days. I left it, as, this is not ok, and I will talk to you later. I have not called him either. He wants the benefits of marriage and the security and h. I should bail him out, but not the marriage. He says, he has made the committment, will be with me forever, loves me, wants to be with me, is offering a home for my 3 children. and that i just want more and nothing makes me happy. I told him, I always wanted marriage, this is no surprise, and I made this known 8 years ago.
Art_Critic Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Are you sure he isn't using the convert deal as a deal breaker knowing that you won't buy into it ? or as a test to see if you really love him ? He seems to me to dislike you being Jewish more than you are not Christian. Does he make Jew jokes ?
Arch Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 a better question is why you want to marry him.........
Author lifestyle1 Posted March 20, 2008 Author Posted March 20, 2008 Are you sure he isn't using the convert deal as a deal breaker knowing that you won't buy into it ? or as a test to see if you really love him ? He seems to me to dislike you being Jewish more than you are not Christian. Does he make Jew jokes ? And he would deny being predjiduce. but yes, makes wise-cracks. Not something I am proud of.
Art_Critic Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 And he would deny being predjiduce. but yes, makes wise-cracks. Not something I am proud of. I would hazard a guess then that there is your issue.. it isn't that he wants you to convert to to being Christian as the problem.. The problem is that he can't see himself marrying a Jew.. This is of course just speculation... Maybe it is time to see if you can live with someone who dislikes your faith.... There will always be that nagging in the back of his head that you were Jewish.. Faith disagreements are a very valid reason to reconsider a relationship.
Art_Critic Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 How do you feel about marrying a Christian instead of a Jewish person ?
Author lifestyle1 Posted March 20, 2008 Author Posted March 20, 2008 I have been married before to a man of the Jewish faith. Although this may be a foundation for some, I do not consider it a 'dealb reaker' for myself. I enjoy all the holidays and my children and I celebrate them together.
whiteroses Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 The answer lies with you. Do you really think that he will be faithful to you after he cheated on his wife multiple times? Every woman who has had an affair with a married man has said to herself that she is a winner because she is the one that can truly take care of him. Does this sound like the intelligent Jewish woman that you are? Committment is not number one on his list. You have a prime example of what he did to his previous wife. As far as, the recreational coke goes would it be o.k. for your beautiful jewish children to do coke on a recreational basis. If not, what makes it o.k. for him to use. Is this the environment that you want to place your children in? There life has been destroyed by the breakup of your marriage and they love you but as a mother myself they just need you to be totally focused on them without your attention going to a man that has serious issues that you will never be able to change. He is who he is.
whichwayisup Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 He is not a faithful Christina, Has had numerous affairs on his wife , until he met me- for which he left her. Does recreational coke, does not attend church unless it is a high holiday. UNTIL he met you...You know he is capable of cheating as he cheated on his wife and kids to BE with you...This guy does coke. You have children - Think of them. Seems all this is moving really fast. SLOW IT DOWN, why the rush to get married? TONS of jewish people marry Christians and Christians marry Jewish people without converting. It all depends on how religious one is ofcourse, but if he isn't religious, then don't convert. Bottomline, religion is the LEAST of your problems with this guy...
Curmudgeon Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 He has been separated and is now divocing because his wife is engaged to marry someone else (it's been long enough) He wouldn't divorce to marry you but he'll divorce to permit her to marry another? How giving of him! Everyone is happy , well adjusted and excited. I have put $15,000 into the home remodel, as he has bought the home. I'm sure he's excited. You paid to remodel a home that I dare say has a title that doesn't include your name. Well he asked for a $5000 loan for his business, and I was reluctant. I did it, but expressed my reluctance. He said he was hurt, because here he was sharing with me his home, giving him 1/2 of what he owns, and I was reluctant to loan him the money. Is he willing to put your name on the title to the home and as a partner in his business? My best guess is that he isn't. Why should he. He's getting it all. Marriage has been brought up and he said eventually we will marry. But now he's renegging and adding new conditions, right? In the last year he asked me to convert to Christianity (I am jewish) and I said no. He said, then we cannot marry. Any port in a storm! Has had numerous affairs on his wife , until he met me- for which he left her. Does recreational coke, does not attend church unless it is a high holiday. Knows he's not going to heaven. and now, he says he cannot marry me. So, he left his wife for you and isn't religious yet he's making religion an excuse not to commit to you and he's a doper. That has to be a great lesson and example for your children. He says, he has made the committment, will be with me forever, loves me, wants to be with me, is offering a home for my 3 children. and that i just want more and nothing makes me happy. If you can't see the pattern by now then you're blind, deaf or dumb! I told him, I always wanted marriage, this is no surprise, and I made this known 8 years ago. And tell us again just why you've gone along with this player for eight years and are out of pocket a minimum of $20K for HIS benefit? Like I said, he's good. He has you right where he wants you and will toss you aside after he's finished bleeding you dry. Then it will be on to his next victim without a backward glance.
TheRain Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 This a classic example of affair-turn-into-relationship. You both will have trust issues. You're both what they call "renters" and not "buyers." He is not completely comitted to you and vice versa. He is not completely invested in you and neither do you in him or this "relationship." I predict that this "relationship" will end, only a matter of time.
luvstarved Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 Ditto on everything Curmudgeon said with a little emphasis on: HE DOES NOT INTEND TO MARRY YOU. Don't believe it? Call his bluff and tell him you are considering his request that you convert and look at his face very very carefully...does he look overcome with joy??
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 He doesn't want a wife, he wants a live-in OW who gives him money. I don't think it has anything to do with religion. I think it has everything to do with him finding a way to not marry you and make it look like your fault. I'm sure he thought long and hard about a way to get away with not marrying you, and he found the one thing that gives him an 'out' - your refusal to give up your faith. I'm sure if it wasn't that, it would be something else. Are you certain you want this future for you and your children? Is he the father figure you want for your children? Do you really want to raise your children with a cheating, religiously hypocritical cokehead who gladly takes your money but won't make you any real promises? I think with time you'll consider yourself lucky that you didn't marry him.
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