sxw113 Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 I need a mans view on what to do!!! My boyfriend and i have been dating for 5 months and just this last month it has been nothing but fighting, mostley on my part becuase i question to much, i always ask if hes happy or really wants to be with me. I realized that this was annoying and have now been working hard to stop and be that calm happy careless girl he fell in love with. Now my boyfriend was in the marines and came back from Iraq 2 years ago, a lot happened over there and i know a lot of how he acts is due to that. He sometimes seems like he is cold and does not care, even when im crying and ask for his help he sometimes says later how he does not see why i cant deal with it on my own. This is weird becuase when i first met him he was this mushy marine and would try and make me happy when ever i was sad, but now there are moments when it seems like he is a whole different person. I def. understand that he has been through way more than the average person and that i may never know how he feels or what he is going through, but if there is anyone out there that is in the military and can just tell me what i can do to be there for him please share, i love this man and i understand that this is also a part of him but i just dont know how to handle it, he cant even tell me. He goes through these days of depression where i cant tell if hes mad at me or not. He lost a good friend in Iraq when his humvee got blown up and i know that he thinks about that a lot, i realize i can only be patient but if there is anythings esle that would help please im all ears!!! THANK YOU!!
LakesideDream Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 As a combat Marine Officer (different era, different war) I may be able to shed some light on your concerns. First and foremost. Combat changes everyone it touches. As you said, your BF lost his best buddy when they were "blown up" in a Humvee. That is a life changing experiance. An experiance that some never fully recover from. As to his belief that you should be able to handle things on your own. His expectation may be unrealistic. You are not a Marine. Marines are taught from nearly day one to "improvise - adapt and overcome" that phrase is one of the cornersones of Marine training. Holding you to those standards is not reasonable. I suggest that you ask your BF for a sit down and discuss the situation. Acknowledge his situation, let him know, in fact, make him understand that you are not one of his Marine bud's, you are his lover and friend. Try and make him understand that you cannot live up to the standards he set for himself as a soldier. Point out that you can only be the best of what you are. Many of us don't / didn't discuss what happened to us in combat as those that haven't experianced the "sh*t" are not likely to understand what happens. I have a personal friend (male my age) who was in the reserves, never left the states, never saw combat. He often brags, and tells "war stories" about the hardships of weekend and summer manouvers. It irkes me no end. Once in the middle of one of his stories about "roughing it, playing weekend warrior, sleeping on the hard ground, I just told him to "shut up" ! You have a good man. He's loyal, brave, and couragious. He may also be damaged to the point where he isn't suitable as your boyfriend. You have to decide that. It's hard to go from a "life taker" to Ward Cleaver. Some never make the transition. Good Luck.
MalachiX Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 You're both in a really crappy situation of which it's very hard for a relationship (and general sanity) to survive. I can only wish you good luck and suggest that you not be too hard on yourself or on him (even if you can't make it work).
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