Should I?

[stlnsmile]

I guess a lot of you know my break up story....my ex and I have been broken up for 3 1/2 months. I only called him once after we had broken up. I called 6 days later and tried to get him back. After that, we have had NC except for waving in the halls at school. I am doing alright. I even have gone on a date. I do not want to date anyone exclusively right now because I am not completely over my first love. I also feel about 90% ready to move on. But I have these lingering questions. He said he "was not feeling it anymore" when he broke up with me, and had not "been feeling it" for four months. He said when he broke up with me that he had been thinking for four months how to end it. He ended it on the phone, which I am not mad about, only because I had brought up the topic of breaking up on the phone....I wasn't sure because of the way he was treating me, not spending time with me, not caring if he spent time with me, if I wanted the relationship anymore. Anyway, at the same time I can tell you, and I know this for sure, his parents were putting a lot of pressure on him to not be with me. It was not out right "you should not be with her", it was "you need to expirience college, you can't come home from college to see her" type of stuff. Anyway, he also said he did not think we would make it through college when he broke it off. Obviously there are a lot of other women in college, and I was still going to be a senior when he went away. He had to go far away because he had to go to the ROTC school that accepted him.

 

But I guess my question is this......I want to know if he really did not love me anymore, or if it was the pressure of everything that was going on. I think I can handle hearing it.......that he really did not love me......if that is the way he really felt. I would not want him to be with me if he really did not love me. On the other side, I am at the point now, that I know I will not have many chances to ask this question, he leaves in 5 months. Part of me thinks its really stupid to ask......but the other part of me feels, we have been apart long enough, the drama is over, the anger is over, the devistation is over.........and if he loved me......???? I don't know......its probably stupid. I just want to know if everything we had was fake, or if it was real, and he just does not know what to do because of the pressure. I guess I can't blame him for wanting to live a little before he settles down, he's only 18. But he was truley the love of my life, and I'm ready to let go......and I just want to make sure before I do......that I should. I know everyone is going to say.....no, don't talk to him, let him come to you......but you don't know him......if he thinks I hate him, which I have given him every reason to believe....he would not come to me.

I know everyone is going to say, no, your doing so well, let it alone, he told you what he needed to.....move on.......but this is the person that I loved, and I just don't want to let him leave and not even talk to him. I don't know what to do.......I'm going on with my life.......and I can keep doing that forever, I can keep NC, its not hard to do for me anymore......but what I can't do forever is talk to him. Tell me what to do......because these questions are eating me alive, and I feel he is the only one who can answer them.

[stlnsmile]

Okay......never mind......temporary moment of insanity. I'm staying NC, he knows where I am if he ever decides he's an idiot and still loves me. I don't know what I was thinking, I hate those weak moments. Its hard knowing he's going away for good, and I will never speak to him again. But thats his choice I guess. Guess its back to school Monday, and his stupid waves in the hall....ahhhh! Can't wait until he graduates, maybe I will have a my ex is graduating party for myself.

[Shindig]

SOunds like a good idea. He's bad news if he'll stick around for four months and deceive you about his feelings regarding the relationship.

Edited March 21, 2008 by Shindig
I can't spell before 9AM