swarm Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 (edited) Ok everyone, So I posted my story in this section a little while ago, basically my ex of 3yrs left me and within a week slept with my best friend of 15 yrs, Now she is with him(2months)and we were in contact for a while for the first month. I went no contact because I just couldent handle all of the bs. So her best friend is in town from collage right now and she and I are good friends. She called me and told me the other day that my ex said that she is still in love with me, I am the man of her dreams, she sees me in her future, she feels like she doesnt deserve me cause of what she did(which is true) and all kinds of stuff etc. That day my ex text me asking how I was and what I was up to? I had been NC for like 9 days and was doing well. I blew it and replyed to her and we went back and for for a few hours shooting the ***** and flirting. We had spoken on the phone before I initiated NC for 3 hours as well. Then the next day she text me again asking about my sister in law(shes having a baby today:) and was asking about that. I am so confused about all of this. Does she still have feeling for me? Her best friend said she does and said that she dreams about me still etc. She says she is only with him because she got herself stuck in this stiuation and doesnt know how to get out of it,yeah whatever!, and its just easy to be with him right now. What the hell should I do here? I love this girl so much, I was going to ask her to marry me this year. Thank god I didnt. Any advice would be helpful, this is an impossible situation. I cant win and even if we were to get back together at some point there would have to be some huge changes on her part. I like talking to her but I cant tell what her intentions are(I know her very well but i dont know what to believe) and I want to believe her best friend, I trust her very much she has NEVER lied to me once, but I feel like if all of those things were true she would make an effort to repair what happened with us. Thank in advance everyone! Edited March 20, 2008 by swarm
caramel271 Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 I feel for you cause I know how it feels to have your heart broke. Its very painful mentally. I know how much you probably love this girl but you have to think. If this female really loved you, first and foremost she would've never have dated your friend. Any decent person wouldn't do anything like that! That is tota disrespect to you and herself. If she loved you regardless of ya'll breaking up she would never do something so terrible as to go out with your friend. That should tell you what kind of women she is. Whats next your dad!! lol just kidding but really. You have to find your self worthness. Do you feel you deserve that. Pray and ask god to send you the right women your way. He hears all prayers. Even if it takes time he will answer you!! I can't speak for you but I would go no contact. It just makes things easier. Cause knowing you love her and talking to her everyday is gonna make things fustrating, complicating and put strain on your heart. Go find things to do hang out with some frenz or family. Go out have a good time. And i'm not saying find a female to sleep with! Cause rebounds don't help it just will make you feel like **** in the end. Good Luck, Keep your head up Caramel271l
jmargel Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 I was in a similar situation like you about 10 years ago. My ex-fiancee left and within' a month hooked up with my friend. She started contacting me, but I told her that I was not going to 'be her friend', though it hurt so much to say that since I loved her so much. It sucked because I did love her, like you do yours. However her being with a friend and ruining the trust I had in her I knew things would never be the same again. I couldn't put the trust I had in her again. She ended up marrying him, had a kid. Divorced, he cheated on her. She then married his friend and had another kid. So it became a pattern with her. Honestly there are some things a relationship can't get over, and I believe this is one of them. Also, your friend is no friend to do this to you. It's best to start dating other women, or at least find friendship in some others. It does help alot. She sounds pretty immature to keep bouncing back and forth between you and this other guy.. Is this really someone you want to marry?
Author swarm Posted March 22, 2008 Author Posted March 22, 2008 yeah, Everyone tells me the same thing to, i guess I just need to look at the actions not the words. Do you guys think that this is a rebound for her? I mean they were together like 2 weeks after she left me. I know he was telling her he was in love with her for a couple of months before she left me(I didnt know obviously) and that he wanted to be with her. She tells me all kinds of stuff and it just confuses me. I feel like she is telling me the truth about her feelings and that she is just stuck in this sick situation with him, maybe its comfortable for her to be in a sick relationship, IDK. All I know is whatever happens happens, and if she ever wanted something with me again she would have to put in some major work. What do you think, is this a rebound? Does anyone think it could last? I know this guys(he was my "best friend" for 15 yrs) and he does the same thing with ever girl and it never lasts. Hes a scumbag pretty much.
macon Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 You keep asking people what she wants or what she means by what she's saying or doing ... I really think you need to refocus here on what you want. One of the keys to good self-worth is to make your own decisions, not just react to someone else's. She may want you back, she may be playing games, she may just want you now because she can't have you ... etc. etc. - none of this is important. What is important is whether you want someone like her in your life. Yes, you're hurting right now - break ups are very difficult and can take months, even years to get over sometimes - but you will get over it - that's a fact, it just takes time. No, the question you need to focus on is do you want to entrust your heart to someone that you can't trust? Do you want to go out with someone who has treated you this way? Will you feel good about yourself if you take her back? Forget what she may or may not want - focus on what you want. Whatever you feel now, you will get over this - she is not the only woman in the world. Going back to someone who has treated you badly usually just makes your self-worth go down - sure, you have the object of your affection in the short term, but ask yourself why you want to be with someone who has shown so little regard for your feelings? Don't you think you're worth more than that?
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