If you are in the military open need your point of view

[sxw113]

I need a mans view on what to do!!! My boyfriend and i have been dating for 5 months and just this last month it has been nothing but fighting, mostley on my part becuase i question to much, i always ask if hes happy or really wants to be with me. I realized that this was annoying and have now been working hard to stop and be that calm happy careless girl he fell in love with.

Now my boyfriend was in the marines and came back from Iraq 2 years ago, a lot happened over there and i know a lot of how he acts is due to that. He sometimes seems like he is cold and does not care, even when im crying and ask for his help he sometimes says later how he does not see why i cant deal with it on my own. This is weird becuase when i first met him he was this mushy marine and would try and make me happy when ever i was sad, but now there are moments when it seems like he is a whole different person.

I def. understand that he has been through way more than the average person and that i may never know how he feels or what he is going through, but if there is anyone out there that is in the military and can just tell me what i can do to be there for him please share, i love this man and i understand that this is also a part of him but i just dont know how to handle it, he cant even tell me. He goes through these days of depression where i cant tell if hes mad at me or not. He lost a good friend in Iraq when his humvee got blown up and i know that he thinks about that a lot, i realize i can only be patient but if there is anythings esle that would help please im all ears!!!

 

THANK YOU!!

[Walk]

i question to much, i always ask if hes happy or really wants to be with me. I realized that this was annoying and have now been working hard to stop and be that calm happy careless girl he fell in love with.

 

I would start by backing off from asking your bf to provide you with emotional reassurance for a long while. He's dealing with a lot and most likely doesn't have the resources or energy to also attend to your wants and needs.

 

I'm not a man, but I was in the the Marines. And I know that attempting to talk to someone about something they have no understanding of seems like a waste of energy. Especially if you're trying to offer sympathy. It ends up feeling hollow. I'd suggest that you accept you don't understand and let him know that although you haven't been through what he's been through, you would like to listen if he wants to talk.

 

Is he open to the idea of counseling? The Marines are pretty good at taking care of their own, and the bases around your area would have people he could talk to. Or if he's religious, maybe he would feel more comfortable talkin to a pastor/priest. Or you could research some counselors in your area that might have experience in your bf's problems. If you choose to bring this up to your bf, do so gently, and then drop it. It has to be his choice, so don't push it or you'll end up pushing him away.

 

Just give him time. Be available. Give him space if he wants it. You'll have to show a lot more strength toward keeping yourself happy and fulfilled in life rather then relying on him to make you feel that way.