THEBIGARC Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Well, now that her whole family has found out about the OM, she hates me and it is all my fault for everyone being against her. Yesterday she was all sad and nice ro me. Well, her dad called the OM and his W and she found out and blew up at me later that night on the phone. I gave her dad both the OM and his W's phone numbers. I probably should not have, but her dad asked me. This whole situation is really messed up. I need to let go of her. Everyone tells me that I need to not worry about what she does and thinks. Just be indifferent to her. I am trying, but it is hard. Her whole family is kind of taking my side and that is not what I wanted. I don't want them to attack her. We are both at fault for this marriage failing. All I want now is for her to be civil. She has calmed down a little since last night. She is still not nice to me and I can tell when I talk to her that she hates me. It is hard for me to deal with that, but I have to. How am supposed to deal with her family? I feel like she wants me to have NC with them. It is her parents and I should do as she asked. If it were the other way around, my mom would be mad at me, but she would not be against me. Look at me! She is leaving me, and I am still caring about how she feels. All this is making me crazy. I am going to see my counselor again soon. Right now, I have my son tonight. I am just going to enjoy him.
sumdude Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 (edited) Well, now that her whole family has found out about the OM, she hates me and it is all my fault for everyone being against her. Yesterday she was all sad and nice ro me. Well, her dad called the OM and his W and she found out and blew up at me later that night on the phone. I gave her dad both the OM and his W's phone numbers. I probably should not have, but her dad asked me. This whole situation is really messed up. I need to let go of her. Everyone tells me that I need to not worry about what she does and thinks. Just be indifferent to her. I am trying, but it is hard. Her whole family is kind of taking my side and that is not what I wanted. I don't want them to attack her. We are both at fault for this marriage failing. All I want now is for her to be civil. She has calmed down a little since last night. She is still not nice to me and I can tell when I talk to her that she hates me. It is hard for me to deal with that, but I have to. How am supposed to deal with her family? I feel like she wants me to have NC with them. It is her parents and I should do as she asked. If it were the other way around, my mom would be mad at me, but she would not be against me. Look at me! She is leaving me, and I am still caring about how she feels. All this is making me crazy. I am going to see my counselor again soon. Right now, I have my son tonight. I am just going to enjoy him. I feel for you... same thing happened with me when I spoke to the exes dad when she left me. After that point I made the hard decision to leave them out of it all. She's going to blame all sorts of things on you going back to the beginning of the relationship, I'll almost guarantee it. Be as strong as you can and realize you don't have to take it from her. Though for a while you will have to deal with it until things are settled. When you do have to communicate steel yourself for more of the same. If you're prepared for it in advance yoiu'll find it easier to handle. BTW.. might want to try to keep just one thread going instead of starting a new one all the time. It's all about the same subject and it makes it easier for folks to follow what you're going through and help. Edited March 20, 2008 by sumdude
Nomad1 Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 You did not cheat, she did. You did not bail; out on the marriage and your son, she did. Why are you blaming yourself. You should allow yourself to feel angry and to turn that anger into a determination not to ever want to have anything to do with her whatsoever. Yes you have a son and you have parental responsibilities as well as rights. She can not take that away from you. It seems that most men on LS have certain things in common. THEY CARE TOO MUCH their SO. They were treated like s**t and yet they would be willing to get back together with the merciless, despicable, selfish and manipulative wives / GFs who decided to call it a day when developed emotional ties with OM. HELLO! How does that compute? You should be happy and glad to see the back of her! Her sleeping with an OM is no threat to your masculinity, is it? Use this time to be the best man and father you can. You don't need to be friends with her. No chit chat, only formal transactions about your son. She lost the priviledge of your friendship when she became interested in another man. Reclaim your power by being totally indifferent to her and to what she does. She will then start to respect you. Be strong my man. You have it inside you. Go and find yourself a distraction of some sort and start living. Quit pining. She ain't worth it! Nomad1
Woggle Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 She has the typical entitlement mentality of certain women when everything does not go their way. In her mind this is all your fault so when people have sympathy for you she is outraged because you drove her to do this for whatever reason she cooked up in her head. I am all too familiar with her type.
Author THEBIGARC Posted March 20, 2008 Author Posted March 20, 2008 She is doing what you said SUMDUDE. She is bringing up all of the things I have done wrong or did not do during the last 6 yrs. I am done listening to it. I feel better when I don't talk to her, so why talk to her. She said it to me, " I am only talking to you about our son and selling the new house!" That is what I want. No more talking about the OM, her family's feelings, or anything. She was so mean and hatefull last night on the phone, there is no way I would ever take her back. I wasn't going to anyway, but last night her true colors came out. I wasn't perfect, but I didn't cheat on her. I do not love someone else! She does! So, I am going to stick to my guns. I know I will still go through the feelings of loss of my comfort zone with a wife and child. I will get through it. I am focussing more on work and finding a new place to live. I can not live with my aunt for long. So, thanks and I will keep in touch!
Rogue Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 (edited) I went through the same situation that you are going through. The thing that is going to hurt her the most is complete indifference on your part. Get on with your life and have fun. Apart from arranging visitation with your son, cut off complete contact with her. Don't give her the time of day. Get on with your life and start seeing other women (very important as it will help you get over her). They say success is the best revenge. Be successful in moving into a new stage of your life. Edited March 20, 2008 by Rogue
dead-dyke Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 Pretty much, same thing happened here. I really don't want to hijack your dillema, but minus the child,(thank god) I've a very linear issue. It's been 9 mos. for me. and, only the last 3.5 months have been NC. While there is nothing I could even say to brighten your day, in a way, it softens the blow a bit to know you're not alone. And when these fine people suggest NC, take thier advice. It will be tough for the first sliver of time, but trust me, it will get easier. Of course, having your son involved is only going to make things more uncomfortable for everyone involved. BTW, I to still love her, and wish it were a different turn out, but with time, you will see clearly enough. I am, anyway. Sorry you are learning to not trust the female species the way a lot of us are. No offense to female readers that are in the same boat. I wish you luck, and yeah, it seems they are very good at damage control. Especially if you can't defend yourself. Take care.
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