jprez1980 Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 (edited) Alright gang, lay it all on me...I think I can take it. I'm 27 (about to be 28), I throw myself into my work and come home and watch TV. Weekends are usually spent working out alone or on a date. Almost all of my male friends are now married and of course they really don't hang out with a single guy. The 2 single friends I do have are either working or in school and I rarely get to see them. So I feel this limits my ability to really go out to meet new people. Being alone at a bar or club or restaurant just has a huge stereotype around it and I don't think I'd be comfortable with it. I'd say within the past year I've gone out with friends maybe 5 times. When I am unable to meet up with them I usually spend my time at home working out, jogging, riding my bike outdoors (bicycle) find a new date online or working on the house. Going back 10 years, I've met tons of ladies but they have all be off the Internet and very few brought as much to the dating table as I did and many were just plain odd. After doing some self reflection I think it's time for me to throw in the towel on Internet dating. It doesn't seem to work for me and based on prior conversations with some of the ladies I've met they seem to get a big self esteem boost when they come home and have 200 messages waiting on them. I guess my main question is, how do I get out there and meet someone who is quality when my guy friends are married and pretty much unavailable. I'd like to have more male companionship also as I feel that's equally important. All I know is that I'm tired of throwing myself into my work and having the same routine. Also, based on information I've received before...I'm a "nice guy" which pretty much screws me over from the get go with women. I've been told I'm great overall, but the drama and excitement of a bad boy is apparently what women thrive on these days. It's just getting to be depressing over all, hell maybe I need a life coach lol. Edited March 20, 2008 by jprez1980
carhill Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 If you don't care if you start a family soon, try dating older women. There's a thread running elsewhere here on age disparity and dating and I think you'll find the results heartening. Also, there are plenty of threads on nice guy syndrome and and some great advice on taking that nice guy persona to the next level. The key is balancing your needs and desires against what you enjoy giving of yourself. Women respect that. My personal advice to you is to use your nice guy attributes to develop a network of friends and to meet ladies through them. Friends tend to be protective of each other and qualify potentials before introducing them. As a longtime LS'er, I imagine you've seen it all here, but perhaps a new day brings a new perspective. Hope so
Lizzie60 Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Humm... with a cute face like yours, you shouldn't have any problems getting quality women. I sense a feeling of insecurity from you.. maybe you are lacking the confidence that is soooo attractive to women.. I don't have much advice except to work on your self-esteem and confidence and take it slow... you are still very young.. you'll find someone don't worry.
Author jprez1980 Posted March 20, 2008 Author Posted March 20, 2008 Thanks for the input, I think if anything I just wanted to get it off my chest. Is it wrong for me to turn down invites I get from my married guy friends? I just feel totally out of place.it's like a peep show. I get to sit in a booth by myself and watch my friend and his wife making out...loads of fun let me tell you. I guess it's like being a third wheel pretty much.
Author jprez1980 Posted March 20, 2008 Author Posted March 20, 2008 Thanks Lizzie --- I feel I'm attractive...I wasn't always in shape, but i am now and I know I turn heads. I wouldn't say that I'm insecure though, but if I am feel free to tell me I think my issues are meeting people online, haven't had much luck with finding an attractive, educated woman who brings as much as I do to the dating table. My second issue would be around lack of male companionship and probably being too available to women. I hate dating games, but I know if I am too available to a woman it looks bad.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 JPrez You are handsome and possess some great qualities. Seems that your timing is off. Best place to meet quality people (men or women) is doing your everyday chores.... The bank, the gas station, the dry cleaner, the grocery store, the post office..... I have been approached in all of these places and the people seem so nice. Plus, unlike internet dating, the person is 3 dimensional and you will know off the bat if they are interested (pupils dialate, hand gestures, etc.). Get there phone number, so you can contact them when you are most comfortable. That will help you..... then, after conversing with the individual, ask them if it's okay to call again, plan a date, etc. I know this is a "by chance" encounter; but aren't these the best and worth waiting for? Just go out and do you thing.... look your best and always be well groomed! No women can resist a great guy, who looks good with THAT killer smile.
Author jprez1980 Posted March 20, 2008 Author Posted March 20, 2008 Thanks Blue Eyed =) I used to believe in those chance encounters...bank, shopping, mall, etc. Never had one yet but i suppose that doesn't mean it won't occur. Everyone around here is pretty superficial and always yakking on their cell phones =)
Lizzie60 Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Oh I just thought.. how about a latin dance class... singles are invited.. you'd meet other single women.. and guys.. that is .. if you like Merengue... There are single clubs out there.. a friend of a friend went to what they call here 'Meet Market' they have activities for singles... she said it's a lot of fun.. plus she met female friends as well...
AussieJack Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 (edited) My second issue would be around lack of male companionship and probably being too available to women. I hate dating games, but I know if I am too available to a woman it looks bad. Hey, you sound like a potential "good guy" , but right now you are still mostly a "nice guy" . You know the difference? No? OK- here is an example... 1. Nice Guy setting up a date with new women -- NG calls prospective date, " Hi ABC this is Nice Guy here- how was your day ?(blah blah for about 40 minutes and finally he says) "Would you have dinner with me Friday night.. What kind of restaurant do you prefer. Will i pick you up . What time ?.... OK, this will be great. I cant wait to see you again. Till Friday then.. " 2. Good Guy setting up a date with new woman -- GG calls prospective date , " Hello ABC, I am the GG from the club. Hows it going ? Hey, I have Friday night free and I plan to go out and treat myself to a great meal Friday night, and I want you to come long . I am thinking Thai right now - you like spicey food as much as I do . I am heading out about 8pm can you be ready then. .. OK great , bye , see you at 8.." Feel the difference? Edited March 20, 2008 by AussieJack
Lizzie60 Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Hey, you sound like a potential "good guy" , but right now you are still mostly a "nice guy" . You know the difference? No? OK- here it is. 1. Nice Guy setting up a date with new women -- NG calls prospective date, " Hi ABC this is Nice Guy here- how was your day ?(blah blah for about 40 minutes and finally he says) "Would you have dinner with me Friday night.. What kind of restaurant do you prefer. Will i pick you up . What time ?.... OK, this will be great. I cant wait to see you again. Till Friday then.. " 2. Good Guy setting up a date with new woman -- GG calls prospective date , " Hello ABC, I am the GG from the club. Hows it going ? Hey, I have Friday night free I plan to go out and treat myself to a great meal Friday night, and I want you to come long . I am thinking Thai right now - you like spicey food as much as I do . I am heading out about 8pm can you be ready then. .. OK great , bye , see you at 8.." Feel the difference? Hum.. are you saying that the Good Guy is better than the Nice Guy?
AussieJack Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Oh I just thought.. how about a latin dance class... singles are invited.. you'd meet other single women.. and guys.. EXcellent suggestion - they are always overloaded with hot babes.
AussieJack Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Hum.. are you saying that the Good Guy is better than the Nice Guy? Which guy appeals to you more at a gut level ?
Lizzie60 Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Hum.. I have to disagree... Nice Guys are not necessarily 'moumounes' they can be very confident and independant... and respectful.. Now the Good Guys are not necessarily successful with confident, independant women... I think those women would tell him to f*ck off... To think that if you get to decide everything and being macho about the first date is the best way.. I don't think so. Machos attract submissive, emotionally dependant women. It would be a huge turn-off for me. It depends what kind of women you want to attract.
Author jprez1980 Posted March 20, 2008 Author Posted March 20, 2008 Aussie--- Thanks for the input...couple of questions. How do I sound like a potential good guy? What other attributes does a "Good Guy" have vs. a "Nice Guy"? Should a woman just accept me for me? Or did that theory die out years ago?
Lizzie60 Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Which guy appeals to you more at a gut level ? I go for confident men.. men who do not come accross as miserably desperate for a date. (gut feeling) I like funny guys (my first criteria), smart, confident, with a good work ethic, financially and emotionally secure. Good hygiene is NOT a bonus it's a MUST. I like men that keep their stuff (apartment, car, etc.) clean and clutter-free...
KidEternity Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 I'll agree with the ladies here you seem like a cool guy and you sound a bit like me (only 8 years older )! You shouldn't have problem with women! I met my ex girlfriend at our gym, I have to say it is a good place to meet people, I took a capoeira class and boom I saw her and we went for a coffee afterwards and the magic was there. Chance encounters do work and happen! There was another time when I was on the bus home from College and my phone rang and my ringtone is a Led Zeppelin song and a girl behind me just started talking to me about music! (I foolishly forgot to get her number!) You seem like a pretty active guy anyway and you'll fill your time up! Anyway the best advice I can give you is to get yourself out there, and increase your social network, as your friends will have other friends who have other friends and you never know one of them could be the woman for you! Also Bars and Clubs do work, and I've been going out a lot lately (mainly because its the only time I get to see some of my friends, who spend most of thier time with girlfriends and SO etc) and I've met a few girls but I'm not really into dating them as they seem like headcases but I'm sure there are nice people out there in the Bars and Clubs! Good luck man and I'm sure you'll have no problem meeting some women!
Author jprez1980 Posted March 20, 2008 Author Posted March 20, 2008 Thanks KidEternity...I suppose part of my problem is that I'm pretty picky when it comes to looks and such. There has to be a high level of attraction before I even pursue things further. I always figured gyms were the worst places to meet and hit on a woman..looks like I was wrong. I'm still curious as to AussieJack's Good Guy/Nice Guy story and how I'm a potential Good Guy.
AussieJack Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 (edited) Aussie--- Thanks for the input...couple of questions. How do I sound like a potential good guy? What other attributes does a "Good Guy" have vs. a "Nice Guy"? Should a woman just accept me for me? Or did that theory die out years ago? Here are the keys to the kingdom - Women are attracted to the 3 C's ( forget what they SAY they want- unfortunately, women's words are not often congruent with their subsequent actions ) 1. Confidence ( this includes dominance and acquiring the qualities of leadership ) 2. Control. (by this I mean your ability to control and regulate your emotions - calmness and staying cool under fire. Not being upset by her "tests". ) 3. Challenge. ( be a challenge and reveal yourself SLOWLY . Women, in particular, are attracted to what they cannot easily have, This is where Nice Guys fail because they give themselves too soon, too readily hoping to snarel the girl with supplication) YOu will now read some replies from women on the forum who will want to disagree with me and debate and nitpick . Just ignore them - I do. Edited March 20, 2008 by AussieJack
Trialbyfire Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 jprez, what do you consider "quality", in a woman?
AussieJack Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 I suppose part of my problem is that I'm pretty picky when it comes to looks and such. There has to be a high level of attraction before I even pursue things further. I always figured gyms were the worst places to meet and hit on a woman..looks like I was wrong. I'm still curious as to AussieJack's Good Guy/Nice Guy story and how I'm a potential Good Guy. Being "picky" is not a "problem", it is a fine quality- an essentially quality in fact.. Set high standards for the women whom you bring into your sphere of life. BY doing so you will eliminate the users, losers, cruisers and abusers - hopefully anyway. However the GYM is a TERRIBLE place to hunt. I go there to WORK not to play. . Cellulite with Spandex - yeuck !!
StartingOver07 Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Here are the keys to the kingdom - Women are attracted to the 3 C's ( forget what they SAY they want- unfortunately, women's words are not often congruent with their subsequent actions ) 1. Confidence ( this includes dominance and acquiring the qualities of leadership ) 2. Control. (by this I mean your ability to control and regulate your emotions - calmness and staying cool under fire. Not being upset by her "tests". ) 3. Challenge. ( be a challenge and reveal yourself SLOWLY . Women, in particular, are attracted to what they cannot easily have, This is where Nice Guys fail because they give themselves too soon, too readily hoping to snarel the girl with supplication) YOu will now read some replies from women on the forum who will want to disagree with me and debate and nitpick . Just ignore them - I do. Hmmm... Seems like these are the same 3 C's that attract men to women, although women (should) manifest them differently.
Author jprez1980 Posted March 20, 2008 Author Posted March 20, 2008 Trial By Fire: A lot of the qualities I'm looking for sound nit picky... A woman who is secure in herself, her job, and is independant. Not needing anyone to support her financially or emotionally. Doesn't have issues stemming from their ex, never married, in shape, physically active, maintains their body. Sounds shallow i'm sure.
Trialbyfire Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 If you're looking for someone who has no baggage, you might want to consider someone much younger. I guess I tend to equate baggage to experience. Now, the challenge, is to find a younger woman who's financially and emotionally independent.
AussieJack Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Trial By Fire: A lot of the qualities I'm looking for sound nit picky... A woman who is secure in herself, her job, and is independant. Not needing anyone to support her financially or emotionally. Doesn't have issues stemming from their ex, never married, in shape, physically active, maintains their body. Sounds shallow i'm sure. Shallow ? I think NOT ! These are perfectly reasonable requirements . Hwever, you need to develop the confidence to OWN your own list and not apologise for wanting a woman with these attributes. These are your requirenments after all. You appear to be unsure that what you want is OK ? Yes it is OK, so go get yourself some contenders. I would also offer this advice - make a list of "character traits" that are "must haves'...and apply them. You want a final piece of GOLD...(listen to this, men ) DO not be reluctant to assert your rightful leadership in dating relationships.. and be willing to dump those women who don't like it.
Lizzie60 Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Trial By Fire: A lot of the qualities I'm looking for sound nit picky... A woman who is secure in herself, her job, and is independant. Not needing anyone to support her financially or emotionally. Doesn't have issues stemming from their ex, never married, in shape, physically active, maintains their body. Sounds shallow i'm sure. About the only way to find this kind of woman is to go for older women... they are emotionally and financially secure, they are independant...
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