reelwoman Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 OK I realize how pathetic this is but I am getting this advice and while it sounds crazy to me, what I'm doing now does not seem to be working so I'm bringing it to you guys. Is there ANY chance that a guy who is still trying to get over his ex will be able to move on and get over her more quickly if he starts sleeping with someone else? I've been hanging out with my ex and we're clearly still attracted and really enjoy spending time together, and it feels like we're dating---it's very romantic--- except we're not, really...because he is still not over the woman he was dating right after me. I told him no way can we get together until he's over her and he agrees that I'm right, and he's being very respectful, but we can't stop touching each other and then stopping ourselves....we have a really deep bond, make each other laugh, and have intense sexual chemistry. But because he was the one who broke up with me, I feel like I really need for him to come after me and let me know he wants me back. I just feel like sleeping with him BEFORE he does that would be a big mistake. But my friends are telling me that he will be more likely to get over her if he's with me and that I should just go for it. Opinions?
m101882471 Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 No. Do not sleep with him yet. You have the upper hand once again and there is a CHASE again. You can tease him all you want and give him a little bit of time to get over his ex, its not easy by any means. But you guys were broken up at one point and now its like a whole new thing because hes not guaranteed to have you. Keep the fact that you can get him to chase you on ur side. If he sleeps with you he might get bored or it may remind him of his EX all over again. If you build the tension up very very high he will want you bad. When I broke up with my gf and had sex with another girl I didnt like her after the sex. If they kept me chasing a bit I liked them a lot more. I wanted to use sex as a scapegoat for my problems I had with my now ex.
Green Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 yeah theres a chance but it doesnt sound like the greates idea
AussieJack Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 .. and he's being very respectful, but we can't stop touching each other and then stopping ourselves....we have a really deep bond, make each other laugh, and have intense sexual chemistry. But because he was the one who broke up with me, I feel like I really need for him to come after me and let me know he wants me back. I just feel like sleeping with him BEFORE he does that would be a big mistake. But my friends are telling me that he will be more likely to get over her if he's with me and that I should just go for it. Opinions? What was the reason that he broke up with you in the first place? Unless you get that handled, and FIXED, he will break up with you a second time because it the same guy getting cosy with the same YOU. Ya get my thoughts here ? Secondly, sex is meant to be a spontaneous expression of attraction and affection, and definitely NOT a tactic to entice or withhold for strategic reasons. Your friends are wrong to encourage you to sleep with him to draw him closer, and, any advice that you receive here that encourages you to withhold it, as a power move. is also foolish and poorly conceived.. Fix the contentious issues between the two of you first, and then the sex question will take care of itself. Dr. AJ signing off for now.
Author reelwoman Posted March 20, 2008 Author Posted March 20, 2008 thanks---I feel the same way, that sex is not supposed to be some kind of tactic or game. I'm feeling very close to him and i know he feels the same way, and it's not like he's going to just use me or anything like that;that's not the issue. He broke up with me because he said he didn't feel close or connected to me any more. We had a lot of trouble communicating and I would feel very rejected by they way he would express things, and then I would withdraw from him emotionally. It really affected our sex life,too, because he would say things in a very (though unintentionally) hurtful way and I would feel sexually rejected too. I gained a lot of weight while we were together and he let me know he wasn't attracted to me any more because of that, which was a big issue, especially because I'm a big emotional eater and I was overeating in the first place because I felt so rejected. Now I've lost the weight and he keeps telling me how hot I am, but it's hard for me to feel secure about it. He isn't really a jerk but he acts like one sometimes because he has major foot-in-mouth disease--just has no idea how insensitive he is being sometimes, because he thinks it's really important to be honest. I appreciate honestly, but I don't really feel like I need to know, for example, how amazing his last girlfriend was in bed. He seems to think he can just tell me that stuff and it won't affect our relationship! Now he seems to want to talk about some of those things and he keeps apologizing and saying how stupid he was. But I do agree with AJ that we need to talk more about this stuff. The other thing is that his recent ex is really jerking him around--has a new BF ( had him already lined up before my ex even broke up with her), but keeps texting my ex and trying to string him along and keep him as her backup plan. She is trying to get a meal ticket/husband and is very good at manipulating him, and it drives me crazy. He told me she's insanely jealous of me and was the whole time they were together, and told him that she felt she was living under my shadow the whole time. I know his friends all think she's bad news, and they seem to like me, so I guess that's a good sign too.
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