Skies Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 (edited) I emailed him today at 5pm about asking him to join a hike with a group (including me). He checked email at 5:30pm and hasn't replied me back yet. He is shy and not the social type. But I know he loves hiking. We met about a year ago. I have had feelings for him at the first sight. The feelings grow stronger day by day, although I have been resisting them until recently. I pursuaded myself that I should give it a try. We enjoy each other's company but for some reason I have been holding my feelings back. I didn't want to make it obvious that it is a date to scare him away so I went for the hiking... Does this 'silence' simply mean he is not interested in going out with me at all? How long should I wait? (I think I should go for the 'he's just not that into you' theory...but is there an exception?) Edited March 20, 2008 by Skies
Star Gazer Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 A couple questions: ~ How old are you two? ~ What day did you suggest for hiking? ~ Have you two ever spent time alone together? ~ Are you true friends, or just acquaintances?
Author Skies Posted March 20, 2008 Author Posted March 20, 2008 (edited) To answer: ~ Honestly...he's 17 years older. ~ A weekend about two weeks away. ~ Yes, but very breifly. Each time couple hours. Each time we don't talk A LOT...I can feel he is a little bit nervous, and me too. ~ Acquaintances. When we are with mutual friends he can talk about personal stuff (like a date he had before etc.), when we are alone we sometimes talk about favourite books and music. But we never contact each other or go out on weekends. Edited March 20, 2008 by Skies
AriaIncognito Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Do you mind saying how old you are? I'm seeing someone 17 years older too, interesting parallel lol. Anyway, it was only a few hours ago that you emailed, and well, sometimes people are unsure about plans, maybe he had something tentative he has to check on first or something. I wouldn't read into it. Sure, it's possible he's not into you, but you'll find that out soon enough if you go out on a date. Either way, maybe let us know your age, so we can gauge the situation better. In my experiences in dealing with an older man, so far I've found they aren't as heavy on the contact as younger men. I dont know if it's level of interest, or age, or what, but it could be a factor as well.
Author Skies Posted March 20, 2008 Author Posted March 20, 2008 (edited) 25... Yes his emails are usually breif and neutual and to the point. I know he's been having blind dates with women of his age, but not seeing someone exclusively yet. Was hiking a bad idea? Could there have been other better ways of asking him out? I wish I could have the courage to just go up to him and ask if he likes me or not. I am tired of guessing and games... Edited March 20, 2008 by Skies
AriaIncognito Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 25... Yes his emails are usually breif and neutual and to the point. I know he's been having blind dates with women of his age, but not seeing someone exclusively yet. Was hiking a bad idea? Could there have been other better ways of asking him out? I wish I could have the courage to just go up to him and ask if he likes me or not. I am tired of guessing and games... If you're tired of wondering, then by all means, ask him how he feels. I don't think hiking was a bad idea at all. You knew it was something he liked to do, so why not? Most men if they are interested will accept a "group" activity or a solo one, just to get to know you. I've invited the guy i've been "seeing" (i'll be loose too because I dont know that we are anything as it's recent) to several group/friend things and he's come to most of them, so I dont think it's a bad idea to ask him hiking. I still would say that you shouldn't take a few hours as meaning disinterest. If a few days go by and you dont hear back, then maybe you can presume disinterest, but if you really want to know, why not contact him on the phone? Do you have his number, or will you be seeing him in the near future in a group setting?
Author Skies Posted March 20, 2008 Author Posted March 20, 2008 (edited) Thanks aria. Would you mind telling what kind of group activities you invited him to? What was it like when he first met your friend? Was he more of a social person? Has he been married? Have you asked him about his feeling or told him yours? Is he around the same age?...Sorry for asking so many questions but I do want to know what is going on in his head, and how I should communicate to him...I guess there should be some similarities due to age. I won't be able to see him for four days including this weekend. Then we will meet again with friends. Should I wait for four days? I have his numbers and only called him once when he was at home for a very samll thing. I am afraid of the rejection and heartbreak to call him for the answer... Edited March 20, 2008 by Skies
AriaIncognito Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Thanks aria. Would you mind telling what kind of group activities you invited him to? What was it like when he first met your friend? Was he more of a social person? Has he been married? Have you asked him about his feeling or told him yours? Is he around the same age?...Sorry for asking so many questions but I do want to know what is going on in his head, and how I should communicate to him...I guess there should be some similarities due to age. I won't be able to see him for four days including this weekend. Then we will meet again with friends. Should I wait for four days? I have his numbers and only called him once when he was at home for a very samll thing. I am afraid of the rejection and heartbreak to call him for the answer... Well let's see, I've invited him to roller skating (yes it still exists), dinner and karaoke, dinner and band, mostly those 3 things. The group I hang with tends to do a lot of dinner/band/dancing type things. He and I met in a situation where he was new to my group via a mutual friend, so meeting my friends so far hasn't been hard for him as he met them his first time out before even knowing me. He hasn't met my close friends yet, as there's no point to that I'm not even officially anything yet with him. Like I said in a previous post, this man is 17 years older than me as well, which was why your situation struck a chord with me (and for the record I'm 8 years older than you). He is pretty social, and no, we've not discussed anything about our dating or whatever, haven't even kissed yet aside from a few pecks on the lips this past weekend. He hasn't been married, which to me kinda seems weird, but then again, I've stayed single so far so I dont feel the need to hold it against him. I dont think 4 days is a long time to wait to see him honestly. I think it's just right now your mind is spinning so 4 days seems like a million, because you want to know what's up, i understand that because I'm in the same boat of starting to get curious as to if we are dating or not, since this past weekend we started down the path of hand holding/hugging/etc. However, I'm not pressing it. I've not talked to him (aside from a brief email Monday that I sent) since sunday. Hopefully he'll make contact but I'm trying to leave the chase to him for now since supposedly that's what guys want. We'll see. I know he's going out of town this weekend, so I dont think I'll see him until next week, if then. Try to keep your mind off it. 4 days isn't so bad honestly. You've waited this long....
Author Skies Posted March 20, 2008 Author Posted March 20, 2008 Ha I like your last sentence. This guy hasn't been married, too. Same situation again. May I ask what do you find attrative in him? What do you two talk about often? The reason I ask is because my worries are that I might be too young for him. I heard that older men date younger women but eventually they go for women of their age because they have more in common, like the movies they like, books they read, life experience they have, etc. I often wonder why I would have the conncetion with him. He made me a CD of some music I told him I liked before. And I gave him a birthday present. I would think that if we'd ever do holding hands/hugging/pecking on the lips (like what happened between you two), it'd mean a huge step. Overall he is a great person, with a kind and fun heart, but a little anti-social and shy. Some friends said he is too picky, some said he has high standards. I am guessing he might have an unsuccessful relationship before which left him the insecurities. And I think he sometimes act like a child and has a bit egocentric...Signs of immature men? Thanks for the advices. I have been trying to keep myself occupied by other things. However, this questions always pop out in my mind...To not ruin the friendship...how should I response if he say no?
Balthazar Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 I don't think you need to worry that you may be too young for him. Mature men are usually able to overlook such trifling matters. Losing him to a woman his age? Again, if he is attracted to you, not likely.
Author Skies Posted March 21, 2008 Author Posted March 21, 2008 (edited) Are there some criteria/tests/signs to tell whether a man is mature enough or not? The problem is sometimes I feel close to him, sometimes distant. ...Really bugs me. Thanks for your inputs. So far I am still waiting...I can see him again tomorrow with friends. But I am getting nervous to the level that I am considering not going to see him tomorrow. Should I go up to him and ask 'Did you get my email? What do you think of the idea?', or wait until he mention it? Edited March 21, 2008 by Skies
Balthazar Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 If you really like this guy, do whatever you have to in order to establish good communication. Let him understand that you like him. Don't be afraid to show this, just do it in a demure way. If he is attracted, he WILL respond. If he doesn't , just look elsewhere because he isn't into you. Cheers
AriaIncognito Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 Ha I like your last sentence. This guy hasn't been married, too. Same situation again. May I ask what do you find attrative in him? What do you two talk about often? ........I would think that if we'd ever do holding hands/hugging/pecking on the lips (like what happened between you two), it'd mean a huge step. ? What do I find attractive in him? Well, he's decent looking (for a guy his age heheheh) he seems to be attentive and seems to be caring. I say seems since well, I'm still learning about him. All this can be negated at any time, just as it could in a relationship with someone my own age. We talk about whatever any people would talk about. It's really not premeditated or anything. We talk about how work was, what we've done all day if it's a weekend day, likes/dislikes, travel stories, whatever. You can't really plan out what topics you're going to hit in a conversation with anyone. Sure, it's different on some levels from the conversations I had with my exes of my same age, but well, they are different people. The issue here isn't finding things to talk about, the issue is being interested enough to want to keep talking, but that's an issue whether you are both 30 or are 30 years apart. As for the "huge step" you mentioned, I dont really consider it all that much. If we ever actually establish ourselves as seeing eachother or whatever then maybe that's a step. We haven't done a ton of the physical stuff yet (meaning of the stuff you mentioned above) but I suppose if it's meant to go that way, it will. I like to just let things happen as they may, I dont want anything forced. Thanks for the advices. I have been trying to keep myself occupied by other things. However, this questions always pop out in my mind...To not ruin the friendship...how should I response if he say no? People say no to invitations all the time. Will you be hurt, probably. Will it be the end of the world? No. Does it mean he definitely wants nothing to do with you? No. If he turns it down, maybe he'll say I can't do X but do you want to do Y. Else, you can always be up front and ask him if he's looking for more than friendship, then you have your answer. Easier said than done, I know.
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