MizzouFan1985 Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Here is the situation. I asked a girl out who I have known for a while (we have been on friend terms). Had a good time last Saturday night for dinner. She seemed receptive. Tuesday, we started texting, and I suggested we go for dinner and a movie (normal - guy asking for a 2nd date). Pretty innocuous right? Well, after that, no response on the text. Nothing. I asked her another question off topic later and she responded to that. Then today, we started chatting again friendly but she never brought up my date request. I am totally confused now. If she wasn't interested, couldn't she just say no, or I'm busy, or I just want to be friends, or I'm just not interested in going out again? Somebody told me that she might not want to seem to eager in responding to another date request. Basically, wait a while to keep me hanging and interested. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, because I think she would give me at least some response so I know one way or the other.
fishtaco Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Here the level of preference: Least - having to tell you no Better - giving you non answer Best - have the situation disappear on its own Unfortunately its the level of preference for her and not for you. Anyway it's pretty immature to do the hope-it-will-go-away thing when you two are on talking terms, especially when she responded to the off topic msg later. The least she should do was respond with a vague non answer. Are you sure you want to date this woman? I predict bad news even you do manage to date her. Anyway, my advice is to keep her in your back pocket and spend only minimal upkeep resource on her, and move on. If she ever comes around great, but in the meantime spend your time/effort else where. It's easier to meet someone new than to chase someone that's not interested in you. So why don't you take girl #2 out for a date instead? If you don't have girl #2, why not? You're breaking the most important rule of dating, never put all of your eggs in one basket. See if you had girl #2 right now, you would have moved on without missing a beat. Since you don't, you still don't want to give up girl #1 do you? So if you don't feel like you're ready to give up, this is what you do: Forget that you already asked her. Ask her again, but put it something like this. I would like to take you out to dinner and movie, why don't you let me know when you're free. Then leave it at that. If she is interested, she'll respond with a date & time. If she doesn't, you gave her an easy out, she'll say something like sure, I'll let you know and then she never will. And the best thing is, since you didn't set a date, you don't have to leave a day free for a just-in-case, you can freely take girl #2 out. But anyway, work on getting a girl #2, and #3, no matter what you decide to do with girl #1. That is your mission, should you choose to accept. So that's my advice, that's what I would do. Maybe it's a good plan, maybe it's not. Use your own judgment. Good luck.
MsJJ Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Maybe she is afraid to hurt your feelings if she says no? It's hard to say. Maybe ask her again, like say by the way you never got back to me about the dinner. Maybe ask her when you see her face to face, so you don't have to sit and wonder if she will text you back or not. Just a suggestion
AussieJack Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 (edited) Tuesday, we started texting, and I suggested we go for dinner and a movie (normal - guy asking for a 2nd date). Pretty innocuous right? Well, after that, no response on the text. Nothing. I asked her another question off topic later and she responded to that. Then today, we started chatting again friendly but she never brought up my date request. I am totally confused now. If she wasn't interested, couldn't she just say no, or I'm busy, or I just want to be friends, or I'm just not interested in going out again? Somebody told me that she might not want to seem to eager in responding to another date request. Basically, wait a while to keep me hanging and interested. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, because I think she would give me at least some response so I know one way or the other. THis has never happened to me so I do not know how you feel BUT i do have some comments and perhaps a little guidance. Firstly you need to understand how women "communicate",mostly like THIS > NOT VERY WELL !!! Women operate in the covert .They expect that men will "get it" from what they don't say. I know what you are thinking - that is nuts ! And you would be right. I had a G/f two years ago who sent me numerous emails over six months with the rider that I needed to "read between the lines ". I was too smart to be sucked into that trap so eventually I replied that all I could see was white spaces. She continued to talk in riddles and sub-text, so one day I just did not reply. Her emails became more assertive and forthright but still full of gibberish. I ignored them all and eventually she came knocking on my door and I said to her that my role as a man does not include mindreading and code breaking and she needed to communicate like an adult. .We broke up . She was 42 years old and a highly skilled school teacher - ya get my meaning here? Ok, back to your dilemma. You want the bad news, because there isn't much good. THis lil lady is telling you that she does not want a second date. A woman with moderate to high interest level will JUMP at a second date offer. Her silence says "no cigar" dude. If I were you I would bail because you are headed for the "friend zone" very soon. DO NOT ask her out again... if I am wrong and there are other reasons for her apparent reltuctance, then she will eventually approach you (covertly of course !) Sorry .but this stuff does happen ( I am told ) Edited March 20, 2008 by AussieJack
Star Gazer Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Maybe she didn't get the text? Why are you asking her out via text anyway?
Lauriebell82 Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Maybe she didn't get the text? Why are you asking her out via text anyway? Yeah, I agree with SG. Why didn't you call her and ask her out? A pet peeve of mine is when guys makes dates via text message. Call the girl, then you wouldn't have this problem. But anyway, if you are concerned about it why don't you ask her out again? ON THE PHONE!!! Then she'll have to give you a direct answer.
Yamaha Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 My take is that she thought on ur 1st date u were going out as friends and now she realizes that u want a real date. She is avoiding u because she doesn't want to hurt ur feelings and she hopes u will leave things as friends. If u don't want a friendship then just quit hanging out with her.
D-Lish Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 It's hard to say what is going on in someone elses head. I recently talked to someone I had been interested in and gone out with a couple times via msn. He asked me why I hadn't returned his last text.... I had written him off because I didn't get a text from him. He said he had asked me when he could see me again and I didn't respond so he wrote me off. I can't say if he is telling the truth about texting me or not... but it is a small possibility. I have missed texts before and had friends tell me they didn't get mine. It happens sometimes- not often.... but sometimes. I am assuming if she didn't get the text, she is waiting for you to ask her out. If she did get the text- she isn't responding to the question because she is avoiding answering.... that is not a good sign for a second date. It's possible she wishes to remain on friendly terms, but doesn't want to date. There are many possibilities.... Tough situation, but you just don't know unless you feel comfortable enough to ask her if she got your text. It's the only way you know for sure unless you have mutual friends you can feel out for an answer.
Author MizzouFan1985 Posted March 20, 2008 Author Posted March 20, 2008 I probably should have clarified something a bit from the start...it actually wasn't a total ignoring. She actually asked what movie it was that I wanted to see. I responded and after that nothing. So she did at least want to know what it was.
Lauriebell82 Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 I probably should have clarified something a bit from the start...it actually wasn't a total ignoring. She actually asked what movie it was that I wanted to see. I responded and after that nothing. So she did at least want to know what it was. Maybe she didn't want to see the movie you suggested?
xpaperxcutx Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Maybe she didn't want to see the movie you suggested? I highly doubt that's the case. OP, first of all, you should never ask anyone out on a date thru text. I had this happen to me recently, and I never got an answer. Texting is unreliable because it harbors the facts that you might not get an answer. It's an easy way out for the receipient. They can read the message you sent them but choose not to respond. Don't kid yourself if you wonder that she might've not gotten the message. It's most likely she did. She did not bring the subject up because she wasn't willing to go into a "it's not you, it's me" kind of explanation and proceeds to talk to you like it never happened in the first place. You don't need an explanation from her. Most likely she will never give you one. This is not one girl you should invest too much time into. She might just one of those girls that prefer having a good night out than anything else. Any further expectations from her is futile. And she continues to talk to you because she' likes you as a person, but not as someone she would want to date. You might have just gotten yourself another friend.
m101882471 Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Well why type of girl is she, this is important? You were in the friend zone and its hard to move out of the friend zone depending of the length of the friendship (longer is harder unless very very long then it is possible). You need to honestly be flirtacious with other girls. She needs to see that you are a man interested in woman and that you are willing to give her an opportunity. By flirting with other girls and not focusing the attention on her, she will seek the attention once again. Eventually she will come around and have to give in. Steps to take: 1) Ask her why she didnt comment on your date request. 2) No matter what tell her she has to take you out for dinner and a movie on her now because you are a busy man and your going to have a hard time penciling her in 3) If she doesnt do this within 96 hours flirt with other woman around her or if you have a conversation with her make up a story about some interesting new female you met who you have a lot in common with (jealous) 4) she will come around All relationships require this at their beginning. Its how nature has programmed women.
Els Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 I personally don't think there is anything 'wrong' with asking her out thru text, it depends on the people involved... and you both seem to be the texting type anyway. My bf asked me out thru text, and I'm glad he did, because it was completely unexpected. Had he asked me irl or even on the phone, I'm not quite sure how I would have responded... I'm the type of person that responds negatively whenever I'm shocked out of my wits. When I had time to gather my wits and think it over properly, I realized that I really did want to give it a try after all... and we've been together for over a year now. However, it does give her an 'easy way out', as someone above said. Also text messages do malfunction, you never know whether the other person got it or not. Maybe bring it up in an innocous, perhaps slightly joking manner just to see if she got it? In all likelihood, though, she did get it and is being avoidant because she thought it over and decided she didn't wanna go. Sorry to say that, but it's my gut feeling. Btw, I don't agree with the post directly above. If she even has the slightest bit of interest in you, doing so, especially if you do it too obviously, will make her lose all respect in you. If she doesn't, doing so will make you seem desperate, and disgust her.
Balthazar Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Op, you have received lots of advice on this matter. Here's my view. You have already been on a date with this girl upon which she got to know you a bit and she either: 1)Wants to see you again 2)Is not sure 3) Doesn't You then ask her out through a text. The simple fact is that if 1 where the case, it wouldn't matter how you asked her out, she would jump at the chance! So it's either 2 or 3, but probably 3. You see, she just ignored the whole issue and this is a sign that she doesn't want to deal with it at all, meaning it is causing her a degree of stress. The stress comes from the fact that she doesn't want to go out with you and feels awkward telling you so. Bottom Line There is NO interest here, as other posters mentioned. Move on and forget her, and I wouldn't consider becoming friends either, because she did not treat your invitation with the respect a friend deserved. Cheers
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