brenda collins Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 Right,I need some advice and fast! I am 22 and have been seeing this guy for about eight months now. We met just after i had come out of a three year relationship, last summer, he was a complete god send, took me out on dates and generally seemed really into me. This guy goes to university in manchester. We obviously talked about what was going to happen with us and he said there was no point starting anything at the moment, we should see what happened when he came back for christmas and take it from there. He continued to call me very regularly when he went back to uni, and when he came back for the odd weekend, we would always get together. Christmas came, and although we were only available to see one another for a week ( both of us went away on family holidays) I only saw him once, on new ears eve. As usual we got together... After this he called me constantly throughout the week, but never made any arrangements to see me. It got to the night before he was due to be going back and I casually mentioned that he should come for a few drinks to say goodbye. He told me he would let me know, but did not think he would be able to make it. He never got back to me. O course at this point I was fuming as I just felt like he was completely stringing me along, I had no real ideas what was going on with us. So, I sent him a text saying that it was dissapointing I did not get to see him He replied saying he was sorry but that he would try and swing by to see me on his way to the motorway, to which I replied Dont bother, Im sick of being not knowing where I stand, u cant just get with me whenever u fancy and then **** off. He tried calling and calling and calling but I did not answer. After a week off me not answering I eventually decided to hear what he had to say, so picked up. He said absolutely nothing about my texts or the fact I was angry and just talked about other stuff. From that point on it just went back too him calling me most nights and us talking for hours, but still no talk of what was going on with us... He has now come back for Easter holidays ( I had not seen him in three months) He called me on sat when he got back and asked me how i was etc, but as usual made no plans to see me. At about ten that night, he sent me a text asking me if i wanted to come over to his and watch films, I was out for a drink with friends, so said it would be too late, he said to come whenever he would be up for hours, jump in a cab. I said I would only come if he picked me up, to which he agreed. To cut a long story short stuff ended up happening, but did not sleep with him properly, if u know what I mean.He then suddenly went all weird and said could he drop me home now. I said yeah in a bit, and he then said i wanna drop u now! H rushed out his house so quickly, I barely had time to get dressed... I was so shocked, I couldnt even confront him about it. The next day I found out from my best friend, who is friends with his mates that he had told one of them he had had sex with me and then dropped me home! Of course I was FURIOus at this. So i sent him a message telling him how outraged I am etc etc. he text back saying he didnt mean to treat melike that and did not want me to think he did not care. I just did not reply.This was a couple of days ago. I happened to bump into him in the pub yesterday, it was really awkward, I was polite but made no effort to have a conversaation with him. He said nothing about my text message, and we sorted nothing out. It wasnt even mentioned I havent heard from him since. I really need advice i dont know what to do, is he using me? If he was why would he make such an effort to call me the whole time? And what should I do now? Surely he should have called to apologise.
dreamergrl Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 This man has you by the strings - well accept when you refuse his call, but eventually you give back in. He's no good - everything is on his terms. I almost wonder if he's seeing someone else. He's not worth your time! You can do better!
Author brenda collins Posted March 19, 2008 Author Posted March 19, 2008 so should I just ignore him forever? ahhh im sooooo confused.
dreamergrl Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 Well look at it like this - you give him the brush off, he comes running but you end up back in the same situation. If you really like him, sit down and have a talk face to face and see what happens. But I honestly think he views you as a whenever its good for him kinda thing. I know it sucks - I've been there - but you deserve to have a guy who's willing to do things when you want to as well.
4givrnt4gtr Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 wow when i read the title i thought it was gonna be the usual, you know boyfriend being slow on the whole 'wanna be my gf" thing... But this is a whooole nother issue girl. Im wondering why in the world are u letting him treat you like his booty call like that. "I want you out now!"...what IS that! sooo disrespectful! might as well have said "ok done with you, now go" I wouldnt kick his ass to the curb ASAP. You deserve SO much better.
Author brenda collins Posted March 19, 2008 Author Posted March 19, 2008 should I attempt to be the bigger person and call him to talk about this problem? but what would i say?Otherwise its just gonna be unresolved, I see him out a lot as we have the same friends. I cant believe he hasnt called me to sort this out. Its his fault. ahhhhhh
xpaperxcutx Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 At this point calling him and texting him is not gonna change anything. He can choose to change the topic or ignore your texts. I doubt having a deep conversation on this subject will get you anywhere, in any case, he'll just say I thought we were friends and that hanging out with you was the most natural thing in the world. Lose the jerk and find someone else. He had made no committment to you and was stringing you along all these months. Clearly not someone you want to be with.
Author brenda collins Posted March 19, 2008 Author Posted March 19, 2008 Thanks so much for the advice evryone. Anyone have any ideas on why he is not trying to sort this issue out? Do we think he will try too? Also why would he have made such an effort to call me and stay in touch, if he can just easily give up like this.
dreamergrl Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Because he wants to see you on his terms, and his terms only. And you've been letting it happen, so he's continuing to do so.
Author brenda collins Posted March 21, 2008 Author Posted March 21, 2008 Right, so I know i shouldnt have but I text him last night just being like its stupid to ignore each other, when u around to go for a drink to catch up bout this etc etc... He did not reply. Then at about midnight he called me and i missed it cause i was out. i called him and he tried to make small talk. He was like sorry i only just got ur text now. I was like u know what u did wrong right. He said yes, but it was two thirty in the morning, u have to understand that. I couldnt be bothered to discuss this over the phone so i was just like well (he is going away on sun) lets go for a drink before u go. he said it will have to be when im back etc, and then i was like oh ok, and then he was like I could do saturday and i was like ok let me know... am I a fool?? Also my friend who is good friends with all his mates toldme not to text him,cause she had invited his mates out with us, and they said they were seeing him and they did not think he would want to come because i was here and it would be awkward etc... wtf???
Author brenda collins Posted March 21, 2008 Author Posted March 21, 2008 and will he call to make plans?? or am i just setting myself up for more hurt.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 (edited) Right, so I know i shouldnt have but I text him last night just being like its stupid to ignore each other, when u around to go for a drink to catch up bout this etc etc... He did not reply. Then at about midnight he called me and i missed it cause i was out. i called him and he tried to make small talk. He was like sorry i only just got ur text now. I was like u know what u did wrong right. He said yes, but it was two thirty in the morning, u have to understand that. I couldnt be bothered to discuss this over the phone so i was just like well (he is going away on sun) lets go for a drink before u go. he said it will have to be when im back etc, and then i was like oh ok, and then he was like I could do saturday and i was like ok let me know... am I a fool?? Also my friend who is good friends with all his mates toldme not to text him,cause she had invited his mates out with us, and they said they were seeing him and they did not think he would want to come because i was here and it would be awkward etc... wtf??? He senses the awkwardness and knows he can't get away from the situation, so he's making the best of his trip as an excuse to see you later rather than sooner. He doesn't seem interested. He's clearly trying to avoid you. and will he call to make plans?? or am i just setting myself up for more hurt. You're setting yourself for more hurt. I think he senses you want something more from him, and he doesn't know how to respond to you. You're either dropping too much hints on him and he doesn't know how to proceed or he's a committment phobe. I think the best thing for you to do now is to lay low and stay away from him. Let him go on his trip for now and you go date other people. Wait until he comes back from the trip and invite him out for coffee. Then get down to business and have a talk with him about whether he would like to pursue a relationship with you. But ultimately I don't think he can reciprocate the same feelings back to you. All his actions say he doesn't want to get into a relationship with you. You've invested too much into him. Best to back off and not get anymore attached than you already is. Edited March 21, 2008 by xpaperxcutx
Author brenda collins Posted March 21, 2008 Author Posted March 21, 2008 I KNOW ur right! I just really have fallen for this guy and I cant stop myself from going back for more. what makes it even weirder is I always seem to be in these situations. I am a vry attractive, intelligent sweet girl but when it comes to guys I lose all sense and they just seem to either use me or minipulate me. Ironically another ex of mine, who I stupidly slept with a few months ago! Mainly because I was upset about eight month guy booty called me at half two last night asking me if I wanted to go round to his????? Im in no way slutty, only ever slept with three men! WHY do theese men treat me like this?? and how the hell do I get over eight month guy?? Lots of other guys are interested in me at the mo but I just feel too caught up about eighth month guy to get involved. I dont know why I cant move on helpppppppppppp !!
Author brenda collins Posted March 21, 2008 Author Posted March 21, 2008 also apparantly according to my friend who is friends with his friend, his best mate thinks eight month guy is a fool, cause im gorgeous and as many have said way out of his league. But he said the reason he thinks eight month guy is treating me like this is because he knows how into him I am and he has never had a girl who is that into him. so he is feeling all smug and arrogant about it.what do ya think? I really want to make this eight month guy fall for me, I should be able to do it (I am very pretty and have lots going for me.) any ideas?? got i need SO much advice
xpaperxcutx Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 also apparantly according to my friend who is friends with his friend, his best mate thinks eight month guy is a fool, cause im gorgeous and as many have said way out of his league. But he said the reason he thinks eight month guy is treating me like this is because he knows how into him I am and he has never had a girl who is that into him. so he is feeling all smug and arrogant about it.what do ya think? I really want to make this eight month guy fall for me, I should be able to do it (I am very pretty and have lots going for me.) any ideas?? got i need SO much advice Your friend's right. Eight month guy has strung you along because you made yourself too available to him. So why would you want to make him fall in love with you? To get back at him? Sounds like a good idea to make yourself feel better, but in the end, it'll only backfire on you. You're attached. You can't do anything right now, because every motive behind your actions would be about HIM. And you're trying to get over HIM. So stop trying to make HIM fall for you. My best advice, initiate NC. Don't go and give him an explanation that you can't talk to him anymore, it'll only boost his ego. I mean go hardcore NC. Ignore him completely. Go and do your own things. Take care of yourself, go to work, go to the gym... etc. Go out and party with your friends and have fun. Be spontaneous and flirt with guys who are interested in you. Your happiness is whats important, and having fun would definitely drive him out of your mind. Does it matter if he falls for you or not? No. Because he had his chance and it's definitely his loss for not reciprocating. Remember, don't invest too much on one person. It's not good. You're young and beautiful. Take full advantage of that.
Author brenda collins Posted March 21, 2008 Author Posted March 21, 2008 right more drama, I swear I wish me and eight month boy did not have the same group of friends. So, as i said he said he wouldlet me know about drinks tomo night. I think it is highly unlikely he will call too arrange. The problem is my two girlie friends who are in the same group of friends he is in, want to do something tomo night with them and want me to come. What if he does not arrange anyhting with me and then he turns up with his friends wherever we go? It will be so awkward. i feel so vunerable right now. how should i play this? If i go and he is there and knows full well I wanted to see him on a one to one basis but he didnt arrange anyhting with me, I am gonna feel so awkward. But then I cant stop living my life because of him. What should I do go risk him turning up, to see his mates, not me, look amazing and just be normal or ???
xpaperxcutx Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 right more drama, I swear I wish me and eight month boy did not have the same group of friends. So, as i said he said he wouldlet me know about drinks tomo night. I think it is highly unlikely he will call too arrange. The problem is my two girlie friends who are in the same group of friends he is in, want to do something tomo night with them and want me to come. What if he does not arrange anyhting with me and then he turns up with his friends wherever we go? It will be so awkward. i feel so vunerable right now. how should i play this? If i go and he is there and knows full well I wanted to see him on a one to one basis but he didnt arrange anyhting with me, I am gonna feel so awkward. But then I cant stop living my life because of him. What should I do go risk him turning up, to see his mates, not me, look amazing and just be normal or ??? If you want to hang out with your friends then do so. Don't let his presence faze you. Your plan of attack? Pretend nothing's going on. You can see him, but it does not neccessarily warrant that you need to interact with him. Where exactly are you going? A club or just out to dinner with your gals? If you're going to a club, you could drop a hello, how are you, and completely avoid him the whole night by dancing. But if you're having dinner, the best thing you can do is be polite and take things as matter of factly. Don't be flirty with him, but do acknowledge his presence. But do not bring up anything about you and him. Because remember he's not worth.
Author brenda collins Posted March 21, 2008 Author Posted March 21, 2008 I think we are going for a few casual drinks at a bar or a club. he did say he would let me know if me and him were gonna go for drinks tomo night, but i really dont think he will contact me. His tone of voice was uninterested. so i would have thought he will go out with all of his mates and I will bump into him in the bar, when out with my mates. sooooooo worried. im scare for tomo, if he desnt contact me i am just gonna feel so rejected.
Author brenda collins Posted March 21, 2008 Author Posted March 21, 2008 paper cuts, please help, you give the best advice
xpaperxcutx Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 I think we are going for a few casual drinks at a bar or a club. he did say he would let me know if me and him were gonna go for drinks tomo night, but i really dont think he will contact me. His tone of voice was uninterested. so i would have thought he will go out with all of his mates and I will bump into him in the bar, when out with my mates. sooooooo worried. im scare for tomo, if he desnt contact me i am just gonna feel so rejected. When I told you to just to have and enjoy time with your friends I meant just that. In no way did I meant to be misinterpreted that you should go because eight month guy was gonna be there. Please stop obsessing over him. It's nto healthy. Subconsciously you know that he's not interested but you want to pursue a fantasy in the hope that he will fall in love with you. Like I've said before, you can't make anyone fall in love with you. The same can be applied for you, don't fall in love so easily. When a guy pays you attention, don't automatically assume that he wants to pursue a relationship with you. In your other thread, you said you almost always become a booty call. That's because you allow yourself to fall for their slick charm. The first thing on most men's mind is sex. Don't assume otherwise. With eight month guy, take it as a hard lesson. Delete his number and don't call him anymore. He's not going to call you, and even if he does would you even want to hear his excuse? NO. Tell yourself that he's not worth it. Why are you even attracted to him in the first place? Is it because he showered you with attention? Attention and affection are too different things. Are you attracted to him? What makes him cuter than any other guy out there? I say his actions spoke louder than any words that comes out of his mouth, and all it spelled out for me UGLY. You're a beautiful woman. Stop waiting by the phone for his call. Tomorrow night when you go ut with your girl friends, you are gonna have yourself a good time. You're gonna dance with gorgeous guys and ask them for their numbers (don't give them yours because most likely they might not call). You're gonna fluant your assets, but I advise you not to get too drunk and get into a one night stand. Carry yourself with a more attitude and style and the rest will fall into place. If you do get drunk make sure you go home with your friends, not a stranger. But most of all just have fun.
Author brenda collins Posted March 22, 2008 Author Posted March 22, 2008 Thanks, that is so true! He still hasnt called about tonight, but I dont think he will. Its weird how I just know that deep down. My friend thinks that if he has any sense what he will do is say im going out with my friends, and have heard u are gonna be there so will just see u there. But I doubt he will even do that. If I am totally wrong and he does call me to arrange plans for tonoght, just me and him. what on earth will i say? Should I bring up all these issues or should I just act like I am seeing him as a friend for a drink. what if he tries stuff on?
xpaperxcutx Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 Okay first of all, stop overanalyzing it. It's not going to happen. Your gut instinct already told you all you need to know about this guy. Why are you still thinking about the what ifs? Can you take a second to take a deep breathe and clear your mind? Why are you still obsessing and wishing that he would come around? Do you seriously feel like you need him? NO,NO, NO, NO, and NO!!!!!!! I don't know how much emphasis I'm going to have to put into this to make you understand. You know you deserve better. From now on, tell yourself that you're not gonna take crap from any guy that puts you second. You got me? And if you do see him when you're out, you don't need to confront him. You have enough dignity and self respect to know that if he's not willing to give his time of the day, what makes you think you should give him yours? JUST HAVE A GOOD TIME. MEET OTHER PEOPLE.
stillafool Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 You should find somewhere else to party than where you know he will be. If you don't hang out with the same crowd all the time you will appear more interesting to this guy. Do you have any other friends that he does not know? If so, get in touch and party with them. Plan activities where you know you won't run into and see him. When guys see the same old girls at the same places all the time they get immune to you. You need to add some mystery to yourself if you want this guy's attention. You may be trying to ignore him at these places but he knows you are watching his every move because he knows you are in love with him. If you want to take back your power you will listen to my advice. After you have spent time away from this group, when you return act aloof and distant, yet friendly toward him. Make sure you walk away from the conversation before he does. Look hot and be sweet and friendly to everyone. You'll get his full attention. Personally, I don't think he's worth it.
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