Lucky555 Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 friends with benefits does it ever change? Seeing a guy and its now friends with benefits. I didn't want it to end up this way but it has. Will it change or do i need to move on?
SoStupid Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 friends with benefits does it ever change? Seeing a guy and its now friends with benefits. I didn't want it to end up this way but it has. Will it change or do i need to move on? Have you talk to him about your feelings...?? If so-Does he just want friends with benefits relationship? If he just wants fwb relationship and you dont then Move on your just wasting your time. You can still be friends just no sexual benefits.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 It can change into more, but he has to want it to. If he is happy with no strings sex, then there is very little chance it will become more. Tell him how you feel, and see what he says. That will let you know if you need to move on or not. You'll have to tell him to keep it to 'yes' or 'no' - simple question: Will this FWB thing become a dating relationship? He will avoid the simple answer even if he knows it, if he thinks it will end the strings free sex, but insist - 'yes' or 'no'. Nothing in between.
NuTuDating Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 There's usually one person in this types of relationship who has hopes of it becoming more than it is. Someone's probably going to be hurt. If you like him and want it to be more, feel him out to see how he feels. If he just wants sex, then you have to choose. I'd try and find someone else to date. How do you know he doesn't have LOTS of friends with benefits?
Lizzie60 Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 I very much doubt it... If it started as a potential relationship then it ended up in a FWB relationship.. I don,t think it can be reverted back or change to a 'loving relationship'... I tend to think that even 'loving relationship' after the passion is gone, is usually getting boring.. so I believe that a FWB will eventually fade away too....
City_girl Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 Babe I have learned the hard way they don't buy the cow if they get the milk for free/ Talk to him and if he doesn't say what you need to hear, head for the hills. Your going to get very hurt if you don't do it sooner rather than later. Know how hard it is to let go though.
AussieJack Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 friends with benefits does it ever change? Seeing a guy and its now friends with benefits. I didn't want it to end up this way but it has. Will it change or do i need to move on? HOW exactly did it "end up this way" ? You were 50% of the deal all along so how did it get to a situation that YOU did not want? Let me guess- you thought that if you agreed to a situation that deep down you did not really want, then HE would see how great of a woman you were and he would develop "feelings" for you ?? Huh ? You girls want some free advice ? NEVER agree to, or enter into a purely sexual relationship with a guy for whom you have "feelings". WE men are not wired to take a FWB to a "relationship" - it is not gonna happen ..rarely almost NEVER EVER. There is only one path for OP to take if she really wants this guy. SHe has to drasticaly increase her VALUE to him . I mean really re-invent yourself almost like a make-over and I am not talking about a new "do" and a pushup bra . I am talking personal trainer, gym 3-5 days a week, night school, serious dietary changes, new wardrobe, and so on .. The plan is to evoke new emotions of DESIRE in him for YOU as a person of VALUE and not just a booty call.
Author Lucky555 Posted March 19, 2008 Author Posted March 19, 2008 its friends with benefits but its NOT A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP...But its getting pretty close to that. Its just we have been seeing each other now and then. This is why i came here to ask. I know if i ask what he wants its going to push him away. I acutally am scared to go further with this because after knowing him I am wondering is this what i want? Before this leads anywhere WHAT DO I NEED TO DO? I like him yeah, but i have not reached a level where i am emotionally confident in him to say what i feel
AussieJack Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 its friends with benefits but its NOT A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP...But its getting pretty close to that. Its just we have been seeing each other now and then. This is why i came here to ask. I know if i ask what he wants its going to push him away. Do not have sex with him. Stop thinking this way now.. In your emotional condition it is the worst thing that you could do. Secondly what EVIDENCE do you have that if you ask him for what you want, he will bolt ? Thirdly what did you plan to " ask him " ?
Author Lucky555 Posted March 20, 2008 Author Posted March 20, 2008 Secondly what EVIDENCE do you have that if you ask him for what you want, he will bolt ? Thirdly what did you plan to " ask him " ? Well i don't plan on asking him anything right now. He seems to be taking action but its only because i stopped paying attention to him. Maybe this is because he wants thinks i am "leaving" this situation. I want more than what he is giving. I am very indifferent in this situation. Its very confusing but i am definitely becoming less interested.
Trialbyfire Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 You girls want some free advice ? NEVER agree to, or enter into a purely sexual relationship with a guy for whom you have "feelings". WE men are not wired to take a FWB to a "relationship" - it is not gonna happen ..rarely almost NEVER EVER. I fully agree with this. Separate emotion with body, if you ever get involved in an FWB. Myself, never. I don't come this cheaply. There is only one path for OP to take if she really wants this guy. SHe has to drasticaly increase her VALUE to him . I mean really re-invent yourself almost like a make-over and I am not talking about a new "do" and a pushup bra . I am talking personal trainer, gym 3-5 days a week, night school, serious dietary changes, new wardrobe, and so on .. The plan is to evoke new emotions of DESIRE in him for YOU as a person of VALUE and not just a booty call. I agree that you have to increase your value but solely increasing your physical value, will lead to more heartbreak. You're only compounding the issue by stressing the physical aspect of your relationship. The best way is to walk, if you ever develop feelings for an FWB, who doesn't reciprocate your feelings. If you think about it, why would you want to get emotionally involved with someone who only thinks of you as a quick lay?
audrey_1 Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 (edited) Well i don't plan on asking him anything right now. He seems to be taking action but its only because i stopped paying attention to him. Maybe this is because he wants thinks i am "leaving" this situation. I want more than what he is giving. I am very indifferent in this situation. Its very confusing but i am definitely becoming less interested. This sounds EXACTLY like my current situation. Though we have dates and hang out because we enjoy a lot of the same things, we've talked about having sex/not having sex. We've known each other since we were kids, but never dated until now, and he approached me. We've spent many nights together where nothing happened, and many where something did. About an even split. I'm not sure whether that's because he doesn't want me to think he's using me for sex, or whether he doesn't want me to use him for sex...he mentioned to me once he "was more than just a penis." I'm in my early 30s, and the hormone switch flipped. Oops. I've become more and more flippant about it. If we're not committed, then so be it. I've got a full life and keep myself busy. Whether or not we have a real relationship will not make or break me. If you haven't had sex with him yet, then don't. Seriously. You will be even more confused if you do, and it won't be pretty. Edited March 20, 2008 by audrey_1
audrey_1 Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Also, I have to add I wrote a proposal for my casual LDR, my FWB if you will, that if approved could make him a millionaire. Think I've proven I'm more than just sex. But still, if he isn't interested in me for a relationship, he isn't, but I will probably keep hearing from him until he hears one way or the other on approval for the proposal I wrote -- mostly out of "obligation."
Author Lucky555 Posted March 20, 2008 Author Posted March 20, 2008 Ever since I have "thought" to pursue something with this guy, i have found that I am SO STRESSED OUT Basically I don't want commitment right now but i want something that grows into a relationship. This is not growing i feel as though we have good times together but at other times i am annoyed by him. Relationships take work and it takes two people. Thanks everyone NO SLEEPING WITH THIS GUY. I am trying to give this a chance to grow, but it does not seem right that he is not asking me out...........since i last saw him it was the other night. I know i have to wait for him to make his move because I had taken the effort to see him and i talked to him. Would any of you let the man take his time like he is? OR CUT Him off?
sallyhurts Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 I was getting over my first breakup and I needed a distraction. I started the friends with benefits thing with a friend of a friend. He was sweet and attractive, but just not my "type", so I thought it would be perfect for rebounding without becoming attached. I was wrong. I learned rather quickly that I am no good at the friends with benefits thing. I began to really like the guy, but he still seemed completely fine with talking about dating other girls. So after about 2 months of this, I told him that I had begun to like him more than I expected to and that I would be willing to try out a relationship, but if he wasn't, then I thought it was best that we take the benefits part out of our friendship. He thought it over and we have now been in a relationship for over four years.
Author Lucky555 Posted March 23, 2008 Author Posted March 23, 2008 sallyhurts thanks for that, i am glad that it worked out in your favor however, i think i will give him till tonight to say something or make contact especially after hanging out this week. If he does not then I am gone. I have a lot of anxiety this week due to thinking about the fact that we had a great time why is he not contacting me? As u see wanting more and hes not there. I think i may have more interest in him than he is in me maybe? And then i thought maybe there is someone else? All these thoughts are going in my mind and its not right because after so many months of hanging out we were progressing and he pulls away. The line is drawn tonight because i have so many things going on right no and this is creating stress.
Krytie TV Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 friends with benefits does it ever change? Seeing a guy and its now friends with benefits. I didn't want it to end up this way but it has. Will it change or do i need to move on? Personally, I think so. It ends when the one person person that is inevitably convinced that it will become something more serious finally realizes that the other person doesn't feel that way. That would be you, in this case. When you realize what it realy is, you'll probably end it.
mortensorchid Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Hmmm ... Well, you can just have a good time and know that you are not committed. I had one of those situations recently. We were "just friends", and now it's over, and ... we don't really talk anymore. C'est la vie. Don't have any unrealistic notions of love and romance. After all, if you were, you wouldn't call it a fwd relationship, would you?
Author Lucky555 Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 Yeah, So i am breaking off contact tonight. He can email if he wants i suppose but i am not contacting him anymore. He will not know what i am doing either. I'm going to do a disappearing act. (like he does with me sometimes and then comes back) The fact is i am not in love with him, yeah its a FWB and its got to end...I feel like he had tricked me because he said to me in the beginning "i would make a great boyfriend or i would like to see where we go" which was fine because I was getting to know him. I also discovered some things about him, that he is still bitter from a break up 2 years ago. He does not add anything positive to my life, most of the time i feel like hes just there.....I don't feel excited to see him anymore. For me i need more and deserve better, he actually swore at me last time because he got upset about something. I was like don't do that ever. And the fact he didn't mind taking a girl for a ride and ignoring me when hanging out with people instead of integrating...its all making sense now Drop him like a hot potato. lol Thanks everyone.
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