starlite Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 My ex emailed me again. I caved, wrote back, and told him I was willing to see him. I told him it is all on a trial basis, I could change my mind about being friendly with him at any time and that I am very torn on everything. ***For those of you who dont know, my ex used to lie to me a bunch and after we broke up I found out that he had cheated on me. We were together almost 3 years and have been broken up for 5 months. *** So, we got together. It was nice. We talked a lot and both kinda cried. I do believe he is VERY sorry for it. We talked yesterday as well and he said how a huge part of him wants to get back together and he knows he should be making the moves towards that if he has an opening, but he doesnt want to rush me on anything. I told him to seriously think about all of it because things would have to be different. He completely agreed and said they absolutely would be. He knows he would have to gain any trust back. It would be hard, I am not even sure I can, but I love him so much and I miss him so much too. I dont know what is going to happen, what conclusion he will come to or what I will come to... But do you think he could possibly have changed a bit. Like, losing me has snapped some sense into him???? Is it a terrible idea to give him a second chance?
Habibti Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 I think it was a mistake to agree to meet with him because right now you are VERY vulnerable.Would you prefer to walk over a bridge when you can already visibly see it has panels of wood missing, the chain is rusted and snapped in a few parts, and it makes ominous creaking sounds or would you prefer to walk over a bridge that is cement, cleaned up, stable and steady? Meeting with him you are walking over the broken wooden bridge. It would be ideal if remorse and regret changed a person wouldn't it? I know a few men from my past who did some wrongdoing to me, to this day they are sorry and regretful about it but I walked away and more than likely had I not as sorry as they are, I most likely would have set myself to endure it all once again. Listen, there are too many people trying to be carpenters and architects in relationships. That is to say- instead of moving into a house that is complete and ready to be occupied, we spend a lot of energy on "fixer uppers" when we could spare ourselves all that time and effort and find something complete. I know that when your heart is involved it is all easier said than done that is why it is so impairative that you take the little small favors as you have them. Don't meet with this man, however tempted you might be, DON'T cross over that creaking broken wooden bridge. Take the cement route. Work on your stability and peace of mind and your healing. When that is over, by all means don't go looking for any "houses" that require remodelling and/or rennovation ;-).
LuCidiTy Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 I believe that almost everyone deserves a second chance. The thing is, only you know if you're strong enough and prepared enough to grant him one. Odds are it won't work, but there are plenty of cases that defy the odds. If he does it again, you'll be hurt, maybe not as much as the first time, probably in a different way too. As for people changing, the can and do, but not always in the way you'd like or might expect. For example, he might still cheat but be smarter about it. Then again, you've changed too...you've lost your trust in him for one thing. Your heart's probably a lot more guarded now. You might be more suspicious, take less crap, and hey he might not like that. It might influence your future relationship with him in ways you can't even attempt to predict now, where you're probably focusing on just how good it would feel to be together again. If you're prepared for all that and more, and you feel he deserves you....
twice_shy Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 My ex emailed me again. I caved, wrote back, and told him I was willing to see him. I told him it is all on a trial basis, I could change my mind about being friendly with him at any time and that I am very torn on everything. ***For those of you who dont know, my ex used to lie to me a bunch and after we broke up I found out that he had cheated on me. We were together almost 3 years and have been broken up for 5 months. *** In my opinion, no. He does not deserve a 2nd chance. He cheated on you. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone you have to wonder if they will do it again? He cheated. He doesn't deserve another chance. You deserve better.
iwish Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 i say give him a chance... i think that if he truely has realised what he has lost, he will appreciate it so much more.. and it could lead to great things... i know if i was given another chance i would take it and cherish it..
beta Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 Why do you love him? Is he REALLY what you want? If yes, Give it a go! You always miss 100% of the chances you don't take! It's been 5 months! If you still love him...there maybe something there. I am not saying what he did was right...but EVERYone makes mistakes! You may get hurt again...but are you hurting now? If you have the resolve and more importantly, if HE does...this CAN work. ONLY if you give it a try. It definately won't if you don't . At this point, that's all you know for sure. just my thoughts...
xpaperxcutx Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 I would say a second chance at this point is too risky on your part. You're vulnerable right now, and you're willing to accept anything on his part to give you a reason to ge back together with him. Has he shown that he's a changed person? Besides all the heart to heart the both of you had, are you truly convinced that he's changed? Basically by writing on here about your troubles, it's enough to convince me that you're having doubts. Know that the more vulnerable you are, the more emotional you get. And when you're emotional the more likely you'll want to get back with him. You're not in a stable position right now to even consider that. Right now, I think it's best that you try to focus more on yourself than anything else. Being with your ex now would only hurt you more than before, because all trust has been lost. The moment you get back with him, you'll start questioning his every move, and you'll constantly have that thought nagging at you in the back of your head, telling you that something's going on with him.
Nightwolf_58 Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 I don't know, I always say once a cheater always a cheater. My X wife cheated on me, cried and cried and was so sorry and said it would never happen again. Things went good for a while, then stuff started to change again, and she started cheating again. I'm all for giving people second chances because we are attached to these people, but I say proceed with caution. If all the things start to happen again that caused the break up in the first place, get out while you can before you get hurt even worse.
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