AussieJack Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 Oh that girl was a 19 year old fire cracker. Since I've been on my own again, I'd say I've become more of a 30 year old set of fireworks . Ha ha ! Do this. Start an email convo with him in which you 'casually' ask him about the "firecracker" that he knew. You should understand this - you are still the same hot property that he met 11 years ago,albeit older and wiser and perhaps more weary of the world and its demands. HOwever that "firecracker" is still in there someplace . Locate it, activate it and point it in his direction. Have fun with him again , be girly and playful and forget the heavy stuff about "fault finding" for a while. The idea here is to evoke in him the old emotions that he felt way back then. Quit acting so "grown up " for a while. Now gimme a big smile. Ya feel me. babe ?
Balthazar Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 (edited) Personally May, I have never been one for such long term relationships. As other posters mentioned, 11 years is a lot of time to invest in any person. And men are not really so difficult to understand. If this guy was the marrying type , he would have popped the question somewhere along the 11 year line. Tons of reasons can be offered for why he didn't. The fact that you offered an ultimatum shows me you understood this also and wanted something tangible to show for an 11 year relationship(which is not illogical). My take on this situation as a guy is as follows. The diamond ring could means many things. It could be a way of compensating you for 11 years of good times while also making him feel better about himself. As AJack and other posters mentioned, it appears you are more emotinally drawn to him than he is to you. This means that any decision to stop communication will bother him less than you. In his situation, if I were offered an opportunity at a clean break from an 11 year relationship to a woman I didn't want to marry, I would probably take it and move on. Many women look on an LTR as a big investment in time and effort, something to safeguard; In contrast, most guys tend to like the idea of new, different things, clean slates etc. In a nutshell, If marriage to this guy is your aim, I don't think it will happen. After a few years, a guy knows if he wants to marry a woman. Even taking your age at the beginning of the relationship into consideration, things should have been happening after 25. Hitting 30 was probably a wake up call for you, yet he still felt no urge to act. Wasn't he ever afraid of losing you? With these things in mind, you could cut your losses and move on with your life. Find a guy you like and who likes you, and don't wait another 11 years for him to propose. If it is meant to be, it will happen much sooner, don't you think? Edited March 19, 2008 by Balthazar
soulseeker Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 (edited) Hi May. I can understand where you were coming from with the ulitmatum. 11 years is A LONG TIME and heck yeah, I'd be frustrated. It's easy to look in from the outside and say "oh you shouldnt have done that," but on the inside, things arent always that clear. I mean, at what point should a woman cut her loses? Just dont beat yourself up for the way you handled the situation. Live and learn. Edited March 19, 2008 by soulseeker
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