CuriousClaire Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 sigh..so it seems like number 2 is where it usually stops. I've always been in serious relationships and only recently started dating at age 27, and i have to say it's a friggin jungle out there. I'm not crazy about what im seeing. I don't get it??? I'm getting so lost I recently googled up dating rules today. This happened as a result as the last guy I was talking too. We had 2 dates, and they went perfect. I actually thought we might have something going--common interest, attraction, good banter/humor, cutesy nicknames. Then for date 3 instead of taking up my invitation to meet my friends he suggest I sleep over his place instead. He said he maybe, he might go clubbing with us. Which was kind of is a slap in the face. I said no I wouldn't be staying over. He was fine with it but I got so turned off I told him I don't respond well to aggression. I don't know if that turned him off or what, but I haven't heard from him since. anyways, aside from the rant??? I don't friggin get it..what am i doing wrong? I'm looking at these list, and they all say 1. stay attractive- check 2. no sex on the first date- check, I might sleep over w/light making out but that's it 3. enjoy yourself have fun!!!-- part of that for me is being flirty, joking (yes) about sex- i have a crude sense of humor and usually let that out to an extent. 4. keep seeing other people even if the first, few dates go well - this i've never done, but was wondering if what ppl here think of doing this? I might just start. I've always felt like a jerk doing so, but w/the way these guys are acting, why cut off your dating life till you know they genuinely care about you. so..what am i doing wrong???
Kamille Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 How would you have reacted if he had told you he doesn't repond well to being friendzoned? Plus, I don't really understand how inviting you over to his place is agression. It's foward, but agressive? You said no and he was fine with it. Why paint it for something it wasn't? As to the dating rules - I would hold off on the sleeping over all together, else you might be construed as a tease. Especially coupled with the crude sense of humor. And how crude is the sense of humor? You don't want to be perceived as easy or a tease. And I have considered dating multiple partners, but never really done it. I think the logic is that dating multiple people will keep you from getting overinvested in one person in perticular.
carhill Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 OP, dial back the crude sense of humor and be a little less sexual. Guys like your body parts and femininity so you don't have to shove that in their face. Concentrate on enjoying yourself and getting to know the person. Set your ground rules (like the sleepover thing) and stick to them with a smile on your face. "Maybe soon" *wink* *wink* is one way of dealing with the sleepover deal.
melodymatters Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 Hmm, he suggested " sleeping over" as a thrid date ? I wouldn't be too keen on that either. It's one thing to decline clubbing with YOUR friends, thats fine. Or, to invite you over for dinner and rent a movie or something, and THEN maybe suggest if your tired and want to crash......
Author CuriousClaire Posted March 19, 2008 Author Posted March 19, 2008 " How would you have reacted if he had told you he doesn't repond well to being friendzoned?" lol..is that really the equivalent to me not responding to aggression? I was wondering about that. I was trying to shorten the whole aggression convo, but basically it went with me inviting him to hang w/my friends. He offered to let me stay over instead. I said no, he was fine. Then he said he might come out after all, and asked me to wear cute underwear. He saw me in mines the first date, liked it and was referring to that. I got offended, and said I don't respond well to aggression. Then he asked, what I responded to, and I said a roofie in my drink sarcastically. He laughed it off. Yea, I've been thinking about cutting back on the jokes and everything but that's me. I joke around about sex, or anything else for that matter a lot..it annoys me that I can't be myself in that respect. And what is setting my rules on sleeping over? Should I just avoid doing it at all in the future or did you mean tell them I'm not ready straight off the bat. Yea, I never thought of dating multiple people at the same time either kamille. it seems unfair to the other person and like a lot of energy on our part, but eh....things have been disappointing...i might as well, screw being unfair
Kamille Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 " How would you have reacted if he had told you he doesn't repond well to being friendzoned?" lol..is that really the equivalent to me not responding to aggression? I was wondering about that. Well I'm just not really sure how I would interpret the term "agression" in his case. But it sounds like he managed to laugh it off. It also sounds like he was looking primarly for a fling and you fended rather well for yourself letting him know it wasn't going to happen... So he bailed. Hey, not a big lost, you weren't looking for the same thing after all. Yea, I've been thinking about cutting back on the jokes and everything but that's me. I joke around about sex, or anything else for that matter a lot..it annoys me that I can't be myself in that respect. I don't really have a crude sense of humor - but every once in awhile I will crack one out and it usually really makes my bf laugh. Plus I love how he looks at me like I'm the most surprising-endearing person in the world when I do. So I don't know how to advice you on this. You're right, you should be able to just be yourself without it being misinterpreted. But if you're dating on-line, I would add a sense of humor screen test before whipping out the sexual innuendos. And what is setting my rules on sleeping over? Should I just avoid doing it at all in the future or did you mean tell them I'm not ready straight off the bat. Last summer, when I was dating, I avoided sleeping over unless 1) I only thought of date as a fling 2)I was really serious about the guy and he was serious about me.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 Don't fluster yourself over the fact that some men are pigs. I do recommend that you date multiple people. Women are emotional creatures and we do tend to get emotionally attached to people earlier on. It's best to disengage yourself from getting attached to just one person, and focus your energy on discerning the different types of males that are out there, that fits your ideal date.
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