BlueHaiku Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 Help! I'm still obsessing over whether or not I should break up with my guy. Every other day I think I'll stick it out, and every *other* day I try to figure out when and how I should actually break up with him. Short story: he is clearly into me - invites me over all the time, always wants to be with me, but doesn't want to talk about anything like committment. He agrees that we're monagamous, but he won't say anything about love or really talk about any kind of future. He says he's not ready. He says he wants to wait until he is sure before he takes those steps. Problem is, we've been dating for 2 years. He pushed the relationship very fast at first (he said boyfriend/girlfriend way before I would have), but it was a year ago he put the proverbial breaks on the committment talk. He says he's sorry it's taking so long, and I believe him. But honestly, how long should I hang around waiting? I'm not necessarily wanting to marry (been there before), but I sure would like to hear "I love you" - I sure would like to hear "You mean so much to me I can't imagine being without you." When I tell him I want these reassurances, that I'm not getting what I *need* in this relationship, he says he doesn't want to say them till he's sure. Then he says that he clearly feels strongly for me or wouldn't want to be hanging out with me all the time. He says sometimes he hangs out with me when he should be doing X, Y or Z as proof of his affection. I know, this is a male thing - doing without saying. But a girl needs saying, too, some times. How long do I wait? Help!
Wheetabix Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 OMG!!! 2 Years and no I love you's??? If he isnt sure by now then he isnt all that "into" you hun. I believe he is dragin you along but there isnt a destination. I think you deserve to hear those words and I'm 100% sure it doesnt take 2 year for him to figure out if he loves you or not. I honestly believe by him telling you that he is not "sure" how he feels about you that he is in a INDIRECT way telling you that you are not the "love of his life", i could be wrong but I dont believe it takes 2 years to know if you love someone or not. I would have left after 6 months...just me. I know if that connection is there with sonmeone within the first 30 days. I think most do. I think you should move on. Take Care
strife Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 Not every good relationship lasts forever. Your last relationship may not be your best. I'm for giving it a little more communication. What does "I love you" mean to him? Does it mean "Will you marry me?" etc etc.
trulysomething Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 I think in this case you need to look at his actions. Sometimes guys have great difficulty in expressing themselves verbally..and you need to look at what he's doing rather than saying. If all his actions point to the fact that he loves you than maybe give him the benefit of the doubt that he does love you, but may not be 100% ready to utter the 'L' word...esp if he has never said it to anyone before.
Author BlueHaiku Posted March 19, 2008 Author Posted March 19, 2008 He has said the L word before, to his ex, who treated him like crap for a very long time before he managed to wake up and get out. Basically, he says he's really scared to say it again, because he feels like he was so incredibly wrong and messed up the last time, he doesn't trust himself anymore to know when it's a good thing. Again, his actions are totally clingy (some might even find him way too clingy, but I have no problem with it - assuming the relationship is good - I'm a person who bonds pretty tightly too). For example, I told him I wasn't going to see him but X times per week and, while supportive, he is also clearly really sad about that - he brings it up a lot in a plaintive way. Whee may be right - Maybe after the first fun of being together, he realized he's not that into me. Or Truly might be right - Maybe this is just something he is having a hard time saying because of his past. His actions may be the indicator I should be reading. How can I ever to know which way it might be in this case? Well, I tried asking him, and he said he didn't know. He said he thinks its just that he doesn't trust himself and that he needs to learn how to do that again, but he admitted that maybe at the end he might discover that I just wasn't the one. I appreciate his honesty, but eeeesh! What is a girl to do? I'm really leaning towards breaking up at this point. Probably not tonight (I need some time to prepare myself), but next week. But tomorrow I may feel differently. Going crazy here... Blue
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