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Trusting them to go to work.


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Posted

I've been reading many post where the affairs took place at the workplace. I've been lucky enough that my cheating husband has changed jobs (plus the OW was fired). But how do you work on a relationship when you can't even trust your spouse to go to work?

Should affairs at the workplace be legally banned for married people, meaning immediate termination regardless of the occupation?

Posted
Should affairs at the workplace be legally banned for married people, meaning immediate termination regardless of the occupation?

While I understand your intent, how would you enforce it? Start another public agency funded with our tax dollars designed to ferret out married folks with their pants down? Kind of like "Cops" but with a whole new mission...

 

Mr. Lucky

Posted
While I understand your intent, how would you enforce it? Start another public agency funded with our tax dollars designed to ferret out married folks with their pants down? Kind of like "Cops" but with a whole new mission...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Please, not ANOTHER thing for the poor employer (who is after all JUST trying to run a business) to have to deal with.

Posted
But how do you work on a relationship when you can't even trust your spouse to go to work?

 

Get to know all his colleagues. Let them all know he had an A then probably his colleagues will keep an eye on him. It is hard to deal with when you're put in such a situation.

Posted

They should make a law where only women work and men have to stay home.I'd be all for that!

Posted

Oh, for heaven's sake. If you trust him so little, what is the point? Do you want to have to babysit and micromanage your H for the rest of his life?

 

Let him off the leash. If he cheats again, leave him!

Posted (edited)
But how do you work on a relationship when you can't even trust your spouse to go to work?

 

Sounds like you don't have faith in your H - you haven't built up enough trust again. Sometimes you can't ever get it back so that you are comfortable enough. That's when you have to decide to walk away from the relationship. Not every marriage survives an affair. Some people take a hard line on infidelity and don't bother going through the agony of trying to repair it, and get a divorce right away.

 

You can do some things to help verify: have passwords to all his email accounts, cell phone records, credit card records, insist that he come home straight after work, etc. But, ultimately, if you are trying to reconcile, you do have to make a leap of faith that he will not cheat. If you can't make that leap of faith, then there's no point to trying to work on the relationship, because the foundation of trust is gone and you aren't able to get it back.

 

An employer is responsible for keeping the workplace free from sexual harassment. They have rules about people dating their superiors because of the potential for harassment. But, really, keeping grown adults from having affairs is not the responsibility of an employer.

Edited by norajane
Posted
Oh, for heaven's sake. If you trust him so little, what is the point? Do you want to have to babysit and micromanage your H for the rest of his life?

 

Let him off the leash. If he cheats again, leave him!

 

That's what I was trying to say, but you said it so much more succintly!

Posted
They should make a law where only women work and men have to stay home.I'd be all for that!

 

LOL - of course you would be up for it if such a law was implemented!

 

In some parts of the world, men and women work in separate offices.

Posted

You said it much more kindly, though, NJ. :love:

Posted
LOL - of course you would be up for it if such a law was implemented!

 

In some parts of the world, men and women work in separate offices.

 

That sucks. What's a guy supposed to look at during the day?

Posted
I've been reading many post where the affairs took place at the workplace. I've been lucky enough that my cheating husband has changed jobs (plus the OW was fired). But how do you work on a relationship when you can't even trust your spouse to go to work?

Should affairs at the workplace be legally banned for married people, meaning immediate termination regardless of the occupation?

 

Was the OW fired because of the A ? Just gratuitously curious here

Posted
That sucks. What's a guy supposed to look at during the day?

 

There's always the internet ;)

 

Maybe I should ask my cousin over there - he did say it isn't much fun!

Posted
They should make a law where only women work and men have to stay home.I'd be all for that!

 

If you stayed at home, would you cook and keep the house clean?

 

If so, will you marry me?? :D:D

Posted

I stay at home and cook and clean house. I work at home, alone. My wife says I don't get out enough. In fact, she says "please leave" :D

 

A few of my customers have fraternization policies but historically they're hard to enforce. Plus, if an employee is making you money and otherwise not a problem, it's hard to toss them out and go find another one. Good employees (like good spouses) are hard to find :)

 

Strangely, I've never worried about my wife. She works in the beauty business (stylist) and is around men all the time. Even after reading all the stuff here on LS, I'm not worried. Why? It's just one more thing I cannot control, nor would I want to. I can control getting out more ;)

Posted

First of all i think there is no law gonna help ....if people want to cheat..they cheat.

What made him cheat the first time? Did you ever cheat on him?

If the trust is gone..what sence does it make still being together

You are so much focused that he will cheat again...does that make you happy?

  • Author
Posted

My H quit his job with the OW in May of 2007 (it did stop the PA but not the EA) The OW was fired Oct of 2007 for something unrelated. My H's job is completely different in many ways now that trusting him to go to work is no longer an issue (we have plenty of others). Where I was headed was more down the line of wondering wouldn't it be nice if some of us could sue these employers for looking the other way. They're liable in sexual harrassment cases, what about these. Any lawyers out there? Would we have a case? The employer contributed to our broken marriage, depression, etc.

Posted
My H quit his job with the OW in May of 2007 (it did stop the PA but not the EA) The OW was fired Oct of 2007 for something unrelated. My H's job is completely different in many ways now that trusting him to go to work is no longer an issue (we have plenty of others). Where I was headed was more down the line of wondering wouldn't it be nice if some of us could sue these employers for looking the other way. They're liable in sexual harrassment cases, what about these. Any lawyers out there? Would we have a case? The employer contributed to our broken marriage, depression, etc.

 

If you're driving on the highway and you saw a car crash and someone was hurt, but you didn't stop to give him CPR, etc. Because of your inaction, he suffered some complications due to delay of help. Can his family sue you for doing nothing? Your answer would be "no." Why? Because there was lack of duty. The employer's job is to make money, to make sure the work environment is safe, etc., but their job is not to make sure that their employees do not hook up.

 

Why are you shifting the blame to someone else other than your husband? I am sure you're mad at him, but don't target some of that anger toward someone else. It should all toward him and this OW. More toward him ofcourse, because he was the one who made a promise and vow to you and he broke it.

Posted

Emm your husband was there when he cheated right?

So you can not push it all on the other woman, sue the other woman..they both wanted it, right? Than you should sue your husband too....

Posted (edited)

If a cheater wants to cheat they will. There are numerous avenues for them to choose from. The best thing, I guess, is to insist they change jobs.

 

Employers and co-workers don't approve of married people fooling around at the office. My H had an affair with a co-worker but kept it low key in the office.

 

There are a few states which still have "alien of affection" laws where an BS can sue an OP for injuries caused by interference in someone's marriage.

 

I think it wouldn't be prudent to sue your husband as you would lose money as well. So that leaves only the OP to sue. Or your ex.

 

IMO you should be able to file a civil lawsuit against the OP and your ex for personal injuries as a result of their having an affair. It is permanent and grievous injury that alters your life forever.

 

I mean think of the effect an affair has on your health, the prescriptions, depression, therapists, stress, loss of work, etc. I don't know about you but I went through some deep depression. Hair loss, weight loss, nearly lost my job.

 

It can be compared to the death of a loved one. Because it is in effect exactly that. Death of your husband, your marriage, life as you once knew it. That's what it was for me anyway.

 

If you were injured in a car accident, or suffered some other life altering trauma at the hands of someone else, you would be compensated for those things, wouldn't you?

 

Just some thoughts.

Edited by JustBreathe
Posted
wondering wouldn't it be nice if some of us could sue these employers for looking the other way. They're liable in sexual harrassment cases, what about these. Any lawyers out there? Would we have a case? The employer contributed to our broken marriage, depression, etc.

 

OFGS - grow up already - what about PERSONAL responsibility ??

 

The employer was no more to blame than the man in the moon

Posted

I agree, suing the employer doesn't make much sense at all. However, good employers who have social programs at the office could offer quarterly employee awareness meetings that address these issues. Someone on this thread stated something to the fact that it does not affect the employees or employer, but many times it does.

 

On top of domestic violence, affairs at the workplace introduce stress to the ones involved and could affect their performance. If you are in a management or mentor position, this could indicate to the employer your lack of good judgment.

 

I just posted a recent article talking about this same subject, many people had many opinion but most agreed that it would help if there were some deterrents in the workforce.

 

Cheers!

Posted

I guess I rattled on without answering the complete question. You asked whether the employer should bear some legal responsibility for not firing the affair partners.

 

I don't think so. That's my personal opinion. They don't want to be involved in people's marriages at all and shouldn't be. But, the affair partners usually lose the respect of their employers and co-workers, and then quit because they're too uncomfortable working there anymore. She is labeled an office mattress and he a scumbag. So in the end they wind up screwing themselves as well as each other when they play around at work.

 

My 2 cents.

Posted
I guess I rattled on without answering the complete question. You asked whether the employer should bear some legal responsibility for not firing the affair partners.

 

I don't think so. That's my personal opinion. They don't want to be involved in people's marriages at all and shouldn't be. But, the affair partners usually lose the respect of their employers and co-workers, and then quit because they're too uncomfortable working there anymore. She is labeled an office mattress and he a scumbag. So in the end they wind up screwing themselves as well as each other when they play around at work.

 

My 2 cents.

 

Good point!

Posted

I just posted a recent article talking about this same subject, many people had many opinion but most agreed that it would help if there were some deterrents in the workforce.

 

Cheers!

While I understand you idea, again how would you enforce it. Would an EA be enough? How about if they just kissed, no sex?

 

We need less of the law and government in our sex lives, not more. Besides, you can't "deter" human nature...

 

Mr. Lucky

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