commitment phobic?

[lovesparis]

i'm beginning to think i'm comittment phobic and i either create reasons for a relationship to end, or cause the men to end the relationship.

 

i freak out whenever commitment is talked about in seriousness (except with my most recent ex) and i still wonder if my unwillingness to end my unhealthy friendship was just a new way to cause the R to fail.

 

how do i find out if i'm commitment phobic, and what can i do about it?

[LosingMyDreamGirl]

I am beginning to think this is me. I can think about the 'new' girl of my dreams everyday, but when I really start thinking about all the 'work' it would take for it to happen, I start getting very discouraged and usually think it probably isnt even worth the time.

 

It will take someone TRULY amazing for me to want to commit again.

[Little Shy]

Hey Lovesparis, I meant to reply to this thread the other day, but I think I checked LS when I was at work or something.

I am a female, and am constantly having to check myself against my commitment phobia. I didn't realized I had it for years, I broke up with everyone I dated for about 15 years.

THEN, in order to make things better, I started finding that if I dated OTHER commitmentphobics, I would never have to worry about the "threat" of a long term relationship. Down side being, that the relationship time span for a guy commitphobe is shorter than that of a female - end result, I was becoming the dumpee!

Ha! Ha! the irony in life. Anywho, in my quest to try & sort all of this out, my sister gave me a book that was published a number of years ago. It offers some real insight into the mind of the commitment challenged.

This author is a male CP in "recovery"

It is called "Men Who Can't Love, How to Recognize a Commitmentphobic before they break your heart" Author: Steven Carter & Julia Sokol.

It's an insightful read, and by the way, I would NOT recommend trying the route I tried of dating other Phobes!

Good luck!