wvhenson Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 I have been seeing someone for a little over a year now. The thing is is that they are living with someone that they have been with for like 3 yrs now , BUT the relationship is tough. THey live together, share things like possessions etc. She is very unhappy with him. She has been. Thats what lead me and her together. Me and her are wonderful together. She wants to be with me she says. Me and her have NO issues. Always enjoy each other and never had issues that are bad. She still lives with him because we just havent gotten a place together yet. We always talk of it, but just havent done it yet. So the other day her guy finds her cell bill and got all over her for staying in touch with me. She calls me and is just livid. She is like "its hard living the double life. We dont seem to be going anyplace with this". And she mentioned something about giving her time to think etc. This happened once before and we got back. She is very loving and I do so much for her to help her. She knows Im crazy about her and she knows I am. She and him have just a stagnant relationship. He isnt really good to her and never helps her. I just wonder if living with him and all that plus the having to keep me quiet can take a toll on someone where they need a break or just seemingly end things to calm the storm with the guy she lives with. I mean, I think she did it because he was always on her about me, she always had to sneak around,etc....I want to live with her and get things going. There is no issue with us. But she always tells me that she wants away from him. I just wonder if I should just tell her I still care deeply for her and not put pressure on her. I havent about moving in with her. I waited til she was on her feet with a new job,etc. I love her so much and she knows I do and she knows I help her with anything. It just hurts alot hearing the break up talk, but it held no substance really to it. She did this once before, but when things calmed down she always wanted me back. I just wondered if dating someone thats in a bad relationship causes this. I assume that having to account everytime the phone rings or anytime she goes out having to be asked where she was, who she was with,etc..can take a toll where they get scared and have to break off for a bit? Any insight?
LuCidiTy Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 how committed is she to you if she lives with someone else and won't leave. are you saying that she has nowhere to go unless you two get a place? do you have your own place? seems like when she got caught, she backed away pretty quickly too. do you think that's the same thing? having nowhere to go? are you really ready to move in with her? do you think she'd wind up regretful if she moves out of one relationship and right into the next with no time to herself to breathe in between? just asking.
Author wvhenson Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 I really think she would. Its tough, but I believe her. She hasnt lead me to believe otherwise. She is honest. See, short history....she moved here to Pittsburgh from Rochester, NY, to be with that guy. She lives in his house and has most her things there. She even admitted once she probably should never have moved and that for the first year with him things were good. Then they fizzled. He isnt good to her. Heck, they fight, he is lazy, is out of shape...all the things that she is not he is. He has hit her and just isnt good. Its like when she met me I swept her off her feet. She seemed more hopeful, encouraged and even told me that I inspired her and said things that nobody ever does. SHe ended us once before because she got scared...didnt know if we would ever get things going,etc....then she came back and things were wonderful again. I know that that guy forbid her seeing me. SHe had to just keep me quiet and they just basically lived together. She didnt have sex with him and just always seemed edgy still living there. I believe her. WEll, last week on Monday we just finished a good weekend shopping and having fun. Monday morning we talked and things were so good. We talked about taking another day off and shopping and having fun. Then at noon she calls all frazzled and said he just called her and got all over her because he opened her phone record and saw where she was still in contact with me. I assume that he threatened her or something and she got scared again. She said " is this going anyplace or what"? I was completely upset again. I feel she is scared of being kicked out...loosing her possessions that are in his place,etc... Maybe all that pressure of her living there and us not getting a place to get her out mounted up again. I know she loves me. You dont spend that much time and attention for over a year and it be a lie. If it was then it would have been way shorter than what it was. I just feel she got so overwhelmed and stressed that she did this again. I havent talked to her since a week tomorrow (Wed). It kills me. Its just that anxiety of feeling lost and upset. I know I made her feel good and was the only person that ever built her esteem up and been there for her for anything she needed. And did them without asking repayment or anything. He doesnt do anything for her like I did. I know it sounds lame, but being new here to the area also, I just dont know anybody to talk to. Thats when I found this site the other day. Thanks for replying. JOHN
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