iwanttolive Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 Hi frens, please help me... Im not new in relationship, i've had 3 bfs before but i feel like such a failure because none of them worked out.. I thot i've learnt lessons from my past r/s. Each time I had new hope that he's the one.. I met this guy 2 weeks ago. We hit on really well... we were addicted to talking to each other, until early hours in the morning.. ive always dreamt of a guy whom i can share anything with him without being judged. We had such a deep chemistry... he made me feel appreciated and when i acted silly, we laughed together.. We dated last weekend. Things were really great. He said i was really desirable. He hugged me tightly and we kissed gently. No sex as i will not give one until i got to know him deeper. He gave me a luv bite and we kissed goodnight. I don't know what i did wrong =''( past two days he was very cold.. he told me he was busy and tired and something happened at work. I know that guys tend to keep things to themselves. But our r/s just began and i thought he could just show me that he still cares.. I'm really lost and shattered.. Please help me, guys and gals.. Thanks much!
xpaperxcutx Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 (edited) How can it be a "relationship" if you've only known each other for two weeks? You're investing too much in this one guy, especially after only one date. The dating scene is all about meeting different people and seeing what similarities you share with them, it's not about jumping the bullet and settling for the first guy that shows interest. When was the last time you had contact with him? Did you text or call him? If it was only just recently, I don't recommend that you try to contact him again. A guy whose genuinely interested would be quick to respond no matter how busy he is. Wait a few days. If he hasn't contacted you back, then he's clearly doing the disappearing act. And I would also like to say that you might just be overreacting a bit. Sometimes guys would wait a few days before they call the girls to ask for another date. But you've jumped the gun by contacting him first before he contacted you. You might have came off a bit needy. Edited March 18, 2008 by xpaperxcutx
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 I agree. Back off and let him chase you. It's all part of the hunt and kill.
backspn Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 I second that. Guys like challenge. When women do all the chasing it can turn us guys off. No matter how we hate to play games, dating is all games.
Author iwanttolive Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 Thanks guys, i got it now! You are rite, i prob came accross as needy... Shucks, i merely enjoyed his company! Any ways to rescue me out of this impression?? Ignore him when he's online? If he says hi, give a casual reply?
backspn Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 Keep busy. You had a life before him. When he calls, you dont always have to answer, let it go to voicemail once and a while. Call him back in a few hours. If he asks just tell him you were busy. No need to elaborate. Mystery and intrigue will keep him interested. Just have fun with him and keep it light, you two arent exclusive.
Author iwanttolive Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 Alright! Wish me luck.. It's payback time! ^_^
Author iwanttolive Posted March 19, 2008 Author Posted March 19, 2008 ok here's the update.. He text-ed me this morning, just one word "morning".. i deliberately took 2 hours to reply. I also put my mode as 'away' on msn. Was i too much? I merely wanted him to know that i won't be at his beck and call all the time and give in to all his nonsense. He has to work this out together with me if he wants the r/s.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 ok here's the update.. He text-ed me this morning, just one word "morning".. i deliberately took 2 hours to reply. I also put my mode as 'away' on msn. Was i too much? I merely wanted him to know that i won't be at his beck and call all the time and give in to all his nonsense. He has to work this out together with me if he wants the r/s. That's where you're wrong. Currently, he doesn't want anything besides casual dating and the occasional one night stand. That's what single men think about. They know what it's like to be in a relationship - subjecting themselves to the power of a single women, that's why men are especially picky when it comes to a long term gf. They don't want anyone that's clingy and needy. Men are very independent creatures, and they hate to be tied down unless they really want to be. The only person that seems to want a relationship right now is you. You're making it pretty obvious that you're playing games with him on purpose. Stop being so emotionally invested in him, and stop evaluating his every text messages and ims. Don't avoid him for the sake of avoiding him. Do respond with an ocassional hi when he initiates the conversation. But don't overplay it. I don't know how to better describe it to you, but you should start dating some other person on the side, because if you continue on with this you might get hurt.
AussieJack Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 That's where you're wrong. Currently, he doesn't want anything besides casual dating and the occasional one night stand. That's what single men think about. They know what it's like to be in a relationship - subjecting themselves to the power of a single women, that's why men are especially picky when it comes to a long term gf. They don't want anyone that's clingy and needy. Men are very independent creatures, and they hate to be tied down unless they really want to be. Papercutie XXX "gets" men more than most of the chickas in this hen house.
DanielMadr Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 He probably has sore throat from all that talking. And blue balls because , well, from all that "deep connecting" efforts.
DanielMadr Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 I agree. Back off and let him chase you. It's all part of the hunt and kill. Yes I would agree, when your goal is to end up in someones freezer or on a wall. You have to make a few jinks so he doesnt think you are a ho. But thats it. You make one more jink and you become a bitch....running alone.
Trialbyfire Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 Yes I would agree, when your goal is to end up in someones freezer or on a wall. You have to make a few jinks so he doesnt think you are a ho. But thats it. You make one more jink and you become a bitch....running alone. If a guy doesn't have what it takes to catch her, she's better off running alone.
DanielMadr Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 If a guy doesn't have what it takes to catch her, she's better off running alone. Or he is far better hunter than she is the prey
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 He text-ed me this morning, just one word "morning".. i deliberately took 2 hours to reply. I also put my mode as 'away' on msn. [/Quote] I don't really like to play games, but if you're gonna'...waiting only 2 hours? Why not busy yourself for a couple of days, at least.
Trialbyfire Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 Or he is far better hunter than she is the prey Methinks if a hunter can't catch his prey, he needs to hone his tracking skills...
DanielMadr Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 Methinks if a hunter can't catch his prey, he needs to hone his tracking skills... Effort vs. Gain, my dear. And I thought girls are not passive runners anyway? When you meet a good hunter and you want to keep him you need to show more than good conversational skills.
Trialbyfire Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 Effort vs. Gain, my dear. And I thought girls are not passive runners anyway? When you meet a good hunter and you want to keep him you need to show more than good conversational skills. Why in the world would a girl give it up on the first date, without getting to know the guy better? If a guy wanders off because of it, I wonder what his primary goal is? Let me guess. He wants to get to know her better. Whether she gave it up or not, methinks he would have wandered off, anyways. Now...she's still got something he may want and she's also retained something that is meaningful to her. Who knows what will happen in the future. If she plays it right, every guy can be bagged. It's whether the guy is worth bagging...ROI...my dear...
DanielMadr Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 Why in the world would a girl give it up on the first date, without getting to know the guy better? If a guy wanders off because of it, I wonder what his primary goal is? Let me guess. He wants to get to know her better. Whether she gave it up or not, methinks he would have wandered off, anyways. Now...she's still got something he may want and she's also retained something that is meaningful to her. Who knows what will happen in the future. If she plays it right, every guy can be bagged. It's whether the guy is worth bagging...ROI...my dear... Im no advocate of giving it too early. On the other hand I know a lot of(most of) guys who married a girl because she gave it to them without much hesitation and them being not playas were grateful even they were not head over heals in love with the girl. And she is happy because she has good quality(not perfect but still pretty good guy) afterall. And it works. I dont know the situation of OP but there is an eventuality that she sees sex as a no no tool for getting a guy. Big mistake. The same as opening her legs the first thing in a date. You have to seduce not discuss philosophy to early morning. Every guy cant be bagged because no one can play it exactly right, wake up.
Trialbyfire Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 Im no advocate of giving it too early. On the other hand I know a lot of(most of) guys who married a girl because she gave it to them without much hesitation and them being not playas were grateful even they were not head over heals in love with the girl. And she is happy because she has good quality(not perfect but still pretty good guy) afterall. And it works.Standards of what you want, factor heavily into this. Also, each person prioritizes sex in different ways. I see it as a natural extension of two people who care a lot about each other. A quick lay is meaningless. Spreading it for some strange dude, after one date isn't something that I'm going to do, just to get/keep a guy. I see the example you provided, as settling. I dont know the situation of OP but there is an eventuality that she sees sex as a no no tool for getting a guy. Big mistake. The same as opening her legs the first thing in a date. You have to seduce not discuss philosophy to early morning. You're being assumptive, Daniel, without due knowledge. Every guy cant be bagged because no one can play it exactly right, wake up. EVERY guy and girl can be bagged, but... what's the price? If the price is too high, it's not worth it.
Author iwanttolive Posted March 20, 2008 Author Posted March 20, 2008 Is he playing a game? I followed ur suggestions on backing off and letting him chase.. He asked me today "do u realise you've been cold to me?" Wat the heck?? He was the one who's been cold to me all along and i merely wanted to leave him alone if he did need some space! Then he went offline. So i text-ed him, saying i'd talk to him when i'm home after my gym session...No reply. And i got a feeling, when we do talk again later, he's gonna be cold again... Is there anything at all that i can do? Or all I could do is to react according to how he treats me??? I'm so lost!
xpaperxcutx Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 Is he playing a game? I followed ur suggestions on backing off and letting him chase.. He asked me today "do u realise you've been cold to me?" Wat the heck?? He was the one who's been cold to me all along and i merely wanted to leave him alone if he did need some space! Then he went offline. So i text-ed him, saying i'd talk to him when i'm home after my gym session...No reply. And i got a feeling, when we do talk again later, he's gonna be cold again... Is there anything at all that i can do? Or all I could do is to react according to how he treats me??? I'm so lost! Stop texting him. He's stringing you along. He's trying to gauge a reaction from you and you fell right into it. Stop worrying about him, his actions speaks louder than anything that he's playing games also. Best not to get too emotionally attached and try dating other people. Go out and stop waiting by your phone all day.
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