whywhowhen Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 (edited) I met my boyfriend in Dallas in July of 2007 will visiting family. I lived in Washington, DC, but we had an instant connection, so we decided to build a relationship with 1,200 miles between us. Since July he’s come to DC over 20 times, and I traveled to Dallas once. He says he loves me, and has been looking for jobs in DC. We decided he would move here no later than July 2008, which would be our one year anniversary. A few times, I suspected he was being unfaithful, but he promised me, I was the only woman in his life. A million times he’s begged me to trust him, but something told me he wasn’t being honest. Last night I looked at his credit card bill and noticed he’s been going to Motel 6!!! My heart jumped ten feet out of my chest; my baby has been sneaking around at cheap hotels. I confronted him via phone, and he denied cheating. He told me, I was ruining our relationship with my lack of trust and accusations. I pressed hard, I told him, I had dates, times, and I was leaving unless he came clean. He admitted to going to Motel 6 once, but said the two other times were favors he did for his married brother who didn’t want to use own credit card. I became so distraught, I told him it was over. I told him, I never wanted to touch or see him again. He began to cry uncontrollably and announced he had a gun, and he was going to shoot himself in the head. He said he didn’t want to live without me, and he made a stupid mistake. I found myself comforting him, and pleading with him to “put the gun down”. Now we’re still together. He promised he’s never going to cheat again. I’m torn, I love him and our life was just beginning, but I’m very hurt. Can a cheater be reformed? Does he deserve a second chance? Edited March 18, 2008 by whywhowhen Jumbled words
Crestfallen_KH Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hate to say it, but this guy is very controlling and manipulative. Telling you that he is going to shoot himself is a very sick thing to do. First, no, he wasn't. He just knew that was the only way he could get you to do what he wanted - stay with him. You said yourself that you started to comfort HIM! Begging, pleading, and crying didn't work, so he lied about the suicide threat in order to control you and it worked. You've now taught him you can be manipulated in this fashion. I'm doubtful that he'll move at all. I hate to come across as so negative as I know how painful this is (my husband cheated on me), but there is no way he rented those rooms for his brother and I think you know this. He is keeping you on a string. It's just so hard to think with your head when your heart is so involved. I rarely tell anyone "oh, dump that guy!" since your relationship is your relationship and that is your choice, but I would seriously re-evaluate a future with this guy. If he's cheating on you at the very beginning of your relationship, you're right to be skeptical that he'll just stop and won't do it again.
Star Gazer Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 If you live 1,200 miles apart, what reason would he have to need to use a motel?? Why wouldn't he use his own place, or hers?? I'd have a tendency to believe his explanation that it was for his brother...
Crestfallen_KH Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 Maybe he's married? It's a LDR, after all - and he's gone to DC 20 times to her one visit to Dallas...
jmargel Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 This guy sounds like he has mental problems and I would at least do a background check on him. You can get them done for like $50, well worth it. You can then know for sure if he's married. When you went to dallas, did you stay at his house? How long were you there? I'm thinking he's either married or has a SO, and wanted to cheat on her by going to the motel. Him letting his brother use a CC is stupid. His brother could have just taken cash out. I find it funny how the 'one' time it was him, yet the others weren't. He then uses control over you to by threatening suicide. This is a guy you want to stay away from. There is a reason there is 1200 miles between you two. Keep it that way.
Sal Paradise Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 He isn't going to shoot himself. It's emotional manipulation to get his way. You have no obligation to stay with him. And if he did shoot himself over you leaving his pathetic cheating butt it would be his fault and his fault alone. Don't let him manipulate you into staying. He will cheat again and pull the same BS the next time you catch him. Except next time it might not be as easy to walk away. It could be after 5 years of marriage and a couple of kids. Leave the loser now before he destroys your life, at which point it might be you who could be suicidal.
Author whywhowhen Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 If you live 1,200 miles apart, what reason would he have to need to use a motel?? Why wouldn't he use his own place, or hers?? I'd have a tendency to believe his explanation that it was for his brother... I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hate to say it, but this guy is very controlling and manipulative. Telling you that he is going to shoot himself is a very sick thing to do. First, no, he wasn't. He just knew that was the only way he could get you to do what he wanted - stay with him. You said yourself that you started to comfort HIM! Begging, pleading, and crying didn't work, so he lied about the suicide threat in order to control you and it worked. You've now taught him you can be manipulated in this fashion. I'm doubtful that he'll move at all. I hate to come across as so negative as I know how painful this is (my husband cheated on me), but there is no way he rented those rooms for his brother and I think you know this. He is keeping you on a string. It's just so hard to think with your head when your heart is so involved. I rarely tell anyone "oh, dump that guy!" since your relationship is your relationship and that is your choice, but I would seriously re-evaluate a future with this guy. If he's cheating on you at the very beginning of your relationship, you're right to be skeptical that he'll just stop and won't do it again. Your right, he's manipulative, and I need to get away. I'm just so hurt
Author whywhowhen Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 If you live 1,200 miles apart, what reason would he have to need to use a motel?? Why wouldn't he use his own place, or hers?? I'd have a tendency to believe his explanation that it was for his brother... [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana','sans-serif]I think he went to a sleazy motel because my cousin is his neighbor, and he was afraid she would she him entering his home with another woman. [/FONT][/COLOR]
NotMyselfNEmore Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 It's ok to be hurt. You have the right to be hurt! You'v been in a relationship with this guy for almost 1 year. That's actually a long time given the fact that this is a LDR!! You've invested a lot of feelings and emotions on this relationship and it's ok to feel hurt. BUT now that you have a clear view of who he is, RUN AWAY as soon as possible so that he doesn't involve you in a web of lies, clouding your vision so that he can buy himself time to do it again. It's ok to cry. But you'll get over it faster this way than 5 years down the road with more complications....
jenniferc1114 Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 I can't say if he's having an affair or not...but that's no longer the point. He's definately emotionally manipulative to you. Get out while you can.
Lookingforward Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 Motel 6 = cheapskate Dump him and find someone who at least has more upscale tastes
Recommended Posts