nolove4me Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 "My wife displays no affection towards me whatsoever. Help!" When we first met it was like magic. I lived in a big city in an upscale neighborhood and had a thriving business. I was 37 never married and no kids. She lived in the same city but we had never met one another. She was married with 7 kids to another man. We crossed each others paths several times in different states in the US but never met. We found out later that we went to some of the same concerts together, ate at the same restaurants and I even knocked on her door while campaigning for a friends senate position. I was at point in my life where I was tired of looking for my soul mate and was ready to sell my business, my house and move to the country on a 44 acre ranch in a big house. My family thought I was nuts for wanting to do this because I was not married and didn't have any kids. Something that I always wanted - A lot of kids and a beautiful wife. Not knowing but she moved 1500 miles away in 2000. She ended up divorcing her verbally abusive husband of 16 yrs in 2002. She was now having reoccurring vivid dreams about a man from Iowa ( she doesn't know but I'm from Iowa ) whose face she couldn't see in her dreams and was trying to plan a trip there to maybe meet him. Well her sister ended up passing away of cancer back in the city where I lived. She was given air reward tickets for her and her kids to travel back for her sister's funeral. She went to the funeral and planned a night out with her old friends. We ended up at the same place and the rest was history. We have been told we are the Barbie and Ken couple and on a scale of 1-10 in looks we are both a 9. She has finished sentences of thoughts in my head. My birthday is in her last four digits of her SS number and in her mailing address. We have many more odd things like that together. Here comes the bombshell. She tells me that she was a prostitute to support her kids and stopped 2 weeks prior to us meeting. Her house is going into foreclosure and she is way behind in her bills. So I start sending money (thousands) to save her house and catch her up on her bills (monthly bills run about $4000). We move forward in our relationship and I made several trips to her home in the country. She is having problems with her two oldest boys ages 15 and 17. The day I'm buying her wedding ring I get a call from her 1500 miles away and she tells me her oldest son just beat her up and was taken away by the police. I sell my house and business and move in with her on her 44 acre ranch in the country. Here is where the problem starts. Her pimp (prominent local businessman) so to speak keeps calling her for the next hook-up. This goes on for the next nine months and each time he calls I let her know how unhappy I am about it and that if she doesn't stop him from calling that I was going to leave. In the meantime I'm catering to her every need because I know she has had it very difficult in the past. I'm doing all the shopping and taking the kids to school and basically running the house. I write her love notes, bring her flowers and chocolates, give her massages, and when we make love she tells me she has never felt that way before. I pamper her for a solid year. Soon I begin to notice she doesn't and hasn't done anything for me that would show she loves me. No attention, no initiation of love or affection. In four years together she's brought me a cup of coffee every now and then. She bought me a shirt on one of my birthdays. No cards or love notes from her. I have wanted to leave her several times because of this and have tried talking to her about it numerous times. She says that if one person (me) is initiating the love (not just sex - all the little things), affection and attention in the marriage that it is ok and that a lot of marriages are that way. I feel unwanted, unneeded and have lost confidence in myself. We have been together for almost 4 yrs and married for almost 3 yrs. We have a son together now and her ex hasn't paid child support on their 7 kids together the whole time. He is behind almost $80,000. I have become very unhappy over the past 2.5 years and have said things to her that I wished I could take back. She says I have hurt her deeply because of the things that I have said. I'm not making excuses for my behavior but I feel like a dog chained to a tree that doesn't get any food or water. I love her but feel as though I was used badly. I have lost my desire to do anything for her. I used to publish a magazine in two markets and gave up on it. She despises me now for not continuing to provide for her and the kids. I filed for divorce on 2-29-08. I love my soon to be ex wife. HELP!!!!!!!
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