KittenMoon Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 For the past few days, I've not been able to stop thinking about my exbf. I don't know why, he's just been all over my mind. Today I got an email from him telling me he's accepted a job in California and he's leaving in 6 weeks or so. He asked if I wanted to meet up for coffee and to catch up before he goes. I'm crying right now because I've missed the days we were together so much. We're not the people we were, so those days are over, but I still feel a lot of hurt and longing. So I don't know what to do. This would probably be the last time I'd see him for a long time, maybe ever. But at the same time, I've tried very hard to seperate my life from him en total. I guess I just wanted to bounce it off LS.
Scorpio13c Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Totally normal Kitten, more than likely it's because you've kept in touch with him, which slows your getting completely over him process. You still have feelings & him moving away will still hurt a bit. You'll get over it & be fine in no time, Promise! Scorp
Author KittenMoon Posted March 17, 2008 Author Posted March 17, 2008 Totally normal Kitten, more than likely it's because you've kept in touch with him, which slows your getting completely over him process. You still have feelings & him moving away will still hurt a bit. You'll get over it & be fine in no time, Promise! Scorp We haven't actually kept in touch, except very rarely. And they told me two years ago I'd get over it but I haven't, not fully anyways. I don't even really have feelings for him anymore, but I still remember how happy we used to be. ANd that hurts alot, since nothing has since replaced it. Anyways, now I'm just trying to figure whether or not to say a face to face goodbye.
Scorpio13c Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 We haven't actually kept in touch, except very rarely. And they told me two years ago I'd get over it but I haven't, not fully anyways. I don't even really have feelings for him anymore, but I still remember how happy we used to be. ANd that hurts alot, since nothing has since replaced it. Anyways, now I'm just trying to figure whether or not to say a face to face goodbye. You're probably more over it than you know, you just haven't met Mr. Right yet, you will. As far as a face to face meeting, that's up to how you think you'll feel after it happens. It could, judging by how it's already affected you, really send you to the dumps. If that's the case, i personally wouldn't do a face to face, after all, what would the point be?
LuCidiTy Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Would you regret it if you didn't meet him to say goodbye? Always wonder? Would meeting him perhaps bring some validation and maybe closure?
Author KittenMoon Posted March 17, 2008 Author Posted March 17, 2008 You're probably more over it than you know, you just haven't met Mr. Right yet, you will. As far as a face to face meeting, that's up to how you think you'll feel after it happens. It could, judging by how it's already affected you, really send you to the dumps. If that's the case, i personally wouldn't do a face to face, after all, what would the point be? I don't know. It's hard to know someone I used to be so close to is going away, REALLY going away, and not even saying goodbye to them. On the other hand, does this matter? He basically walked away from all our close friends of years after we broke up with hardly a word, so it makes me wonder if he deserves a goodbye. I don't know. Maybe I'm just over thinking.
Scorpio13c Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 I don't know. It's hard to know someone I used to be so close to is going away, REALLY going away, and not even saying goodbye to them. On the other hand, does this matter? He basically walked away from all our close friends of years after we broke up with hardly a word, so it makes me wonder if he deserves a goodbye. I don't know. Maybe I'm just over thinking. Why do you think he wants to meet up with you before he leaves?
Author KittenMoon Posted March 17, 2008 Author Posted March 17, 2008 Why do you think he wants to meet up with you before he leaves? Just to say goodbye, I'm sure. He probably felt obligated to say something and not just leave the area without a word. Anyways, "want" would be a strong word. He's pretty much universally ambivalent about everything emotional- no small part of why we broke up.
Scorpio13c Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 Just to say goodbye, I'm sure. He probably felt obligated to say something and not just leave the area without a word. Anyways, "want" would be a strong word. He's pretty much universally ambivalent about everything emotional- no small part of why we broke up. Then why do you (want?) feel the need to meet him in person? I only ask because I wouldn't want you to become more hurt unessessarily, but in the end only you know if that is a possibility. I think for you, closure, could also come from saying goodbye over the phone (although i do believe closure comes within, not from somebody else) as opposed to the more scarring & longer lasting hurt which would more than likely occur if you met him in person. I hope that helps with your decision, it's a tough one, i know.. Scorp
Author KittenMoon Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 Then why do you (want?) feel the need to meet him in person? I only ask because I wouldn't want you to become more hurt unessessarily, but in the end only you know if that is a possibility. I think for you, closure, could also come from saying goodbye over the phone (although i do believe closure comes within, not from somebody else) as opposed to the more scarring & longer lasting hurt which would more than likely occur if you met him in person. I hope that helps with your decision, it's a tough one, i know.. In person, phone, email, etc etc, the only thing I've cme to realize is that it's all pretty much the same, no better, no worse. I've decided I'm not going to make the decision. This is the third time he's asked me to coffee as a friend, but he always inexplicably refuses to set the time and place. So if he wants to set a time and place this time, I'll go. If not, I won't. I refuse to play out the same old pattern like in our relationship, where I make all the decisions. I guess, in the end, this is what really bothers me, not the actual act of seeing and interacting with him.
Scorpio13c Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 Ahh Ha! I suppose you have your answer then. I get the impression that you left him (sorry i don't know the story behind your breakup)? If that's the case, i can see, from a guy's P.O.F., why he continues to be ambivalent. He still cares for you & really does want to see you, however, he's already been burned & doesn't want to go through the heartache again. He still harbours more than thoughts of friendship with you. He's hoping that if you see him in person, you'll feel the same, Imho. Hope that helps Scorp
Author KittenMoon Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 Ahh Ha! I suppose you have your answer then. I get the impression that you left him (sorry i don't know the story behind your breakup)? If that's the case, i can see, from a guy's P.O.F., why he continues to be ambivalent. He still cares for you & really does want to see you, however, he's already been burned & doesn't want to go through the heartache again. He still harbours more than thoughts of friendship with you. He's hoping that if you see him in person, you'll feel the same, Imho. Hope that helps Scorp Haha, no, he left me. (mostly?) But if you were to know my entire back story, you'd never guess that. That's kinda been the f-ed up thing. He doesn't want to be with me, I know that, but he's also been ambivalent to the point of the bizarre. Six months ago this guy couldn't say the words "I don't love you" even through email, even though we'd been long broken up. So my emotional turbulence when it comes to him, well, you can see. Well, my decision's been made, anyhow.
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