blueeyedgal Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 My boyfriend and I met four months ago today. From our first date, we were so compatible with each other. We get along perfectly, and our morals and values are very similar. Everyone says we are perfect together, and we've only had one very small fight, which was mainly my fault, as I was PMS-ing It's a semi-long distance relationship. We live about 2 hours away from each other, and because of my school and his job, we only get to see each other on Saturday nights and Sundays. He hasn't been in a relationship in three years, because he says he hasn't found anyone he really wanted to date, but then he says he met me and it all changed because we were so perfect together. Because he's been alone for 3 years, he's pretty independent, which is not a big deal to me because I'm independent as well. Before that, he was engaged to a woman he had been dating for 3 years, and they broke it off because she accused him of cheating and he couldn't stand to be called a liar by the woman he loved. Okay, now that you've had some background info, on to the question! A few weeks ago he told me that he wasn't having the feelings toward me that he should and that I had more feelings for him than he did me. He doesn't love me, basically. He said he didn't know if he was scared to be in a relationship or if his job was stressing him out or if I just wasn't the right one for him. That, of course, hurt. He took a night to himself to think about it and even spoke with his preacher about it. The next morning he called me and said that he still wanted to be with me. I know he cares about me, but him saying that he doesn't have feelings like he should for me really concerns me. Long distance is hard enough. But, he has been Mr Perfect Boyfriend ever since our discussion. Should he love me by now? Should i just throw in the towel before I get hurt later down the line because he really doesn't love me? I'm soooooooooooo confused..... Link to post Share on other sites
Obama08 Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Don't see a reason to break up, but I suppose I'd recommend opening yourselves up to the option of meeting someone new, and see what happens. No reason to stop eating Ramen while you're looking for Fillet Mignon though. Gotta eat. Link to post Share on other sites
directx Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Someone posted an article about settling. Google this "The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough". Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 I very much doubt he will end up 'loving you'.. if he doens't love you by now.. he will likely only be 'a good friend'... If I were you, I would tell him that you will meet other people and that he can do the same.. maybe things will change.. but I very much doubt it... I think you are basically wasting your time.. IF you want a serious relationship... It depends on what YOU really want... I know I would be satisfy with a FWB relationship... but that's me.. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 He is just wanting to be sure of his feelings before saying it. Thats better,IMO, than the fake it till you make it approach. It sucks to have to acknowledge it even to yourself when you've said it and didn't mean it. And if you feel someone did it to you at the end of a relationship, you feel angry about it enough to not want to be like the person who did it to you. I didn't hear an "I love you" out of my boyfriend for over a year. But I'd been feeling loved for longer than that and when he DID say it, I knew he meant it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueeyedgal Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 i guess i should clarify...he is definitely my boyfriend. he's met my whole family, and i've met his whole family. he's taken care of me when i was sick and talks about long-term future plans with me. my only concern is that he doesn't love me, and i can't figure out how he can do all of the above and still not love me? and if he ever will? i'm so scared that someday he's gonna wake up and realize that he doesn't love me for real and leave me.... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 i guess i should clarify...he is definitely my boyfriend. he's met my whole family, and i've met his whole family. he's taken care of me when i was sick and talks about long-term future plans with me. my only concern is that he doesn't love me, and i can't figure out how he can do all of the above and still not love me? and if he ever will? i'm so scared that someday he's gonna wake up and realize that he doesn't love me for real and leave me.... Trust me, if you really feel that he doesn't love you.. he doesn't... honestly.. you need to move on.... he probably cares a lot about you as a 'best friend' would... but it's very different and that's not what YOU want. Plus I think he told you ... I forgot but I think I read in your OP that he said he doesn't love you as much as you love him.. he IS TELLING you the truth.. why can't you just accept it and, either accept it or move on... you don't have much choice... If you choose to accept it... then you can't accuse him of hurting you later.. he is being honest with you.. Link to post Share on other sites
sedona Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 What is your gut instinct? How would you feel tomorrow if you broke it off today? It's only been 4 months and you say he's been the perfect boyfriend. Why give him up? Relax and trust in yourself and the relationship. At the same time, keep up with your friends and other interests so you have lots to fall back on. (You should do that anyway...) I can tell you that I had the perfect boyfriend too who did tell me he loved me after 4 months. But now he doesn't love me anymore. I'd much rather be in your situation! Link to post Share on other sites
loveralone Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 Maybe I'm not the best one to listen to at the moment because of all my own heartache, but honestly, DON"T WORRY ABOUT IT...at least not for now. 4 months is not a long time! I'd been in relationships that only lasted 6 to 9 months, we were already saying the "I love you"s, and when the relationships were over, I realized I never really did fall IN-LOVE! The guy I just recently broke up with took his time with me. He reassured me that he cared for me every step of the way, and I did tell him I loved him about 4 months into it. He did not tell me he loved me for another 6 months after that, and even then, it just slipped out...but it was perfect. He started to cry after it slipped, and he said "you do know I love you, right?" I would not have traded that moment for the world. It meant so much more to me because I knew it meant so much more to him. Hang in there, honey. If you get close to the year marker and he still hasn't said it, then maybe it's time to reevaluate your relationship. But don't push him into it, especially if you really care about this guy. All that will do is drive him away from you. Kick back and enjoy the love ride! No need to rush. Link to post Share on other sites
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