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Posted

I have found so much comfort in this site and I just needed to vent to someone besides myself. I miss the person she used to be, I miss spending time with her, hearing her voice, simply laying around together or simply just being around her. I miss my best friend and everything that comes along with that. I would give anything for an hour back to the way things used to be between us.

 

As most of you know its difficult when someone cuts you out of their life. It knocks you down and creates self-esteem problems in thinking that you simply weren't good enough for the person you love more than anything. For me we had been together for 5 years and we have now been apart for 5 months now. I must admit it has become a lot easier since it initially happened. I don't cry or get upset as much as I used to. I have come to accept that I had to give up on any hopes or chances of any reconciliation. I have learned a great deal in this time apart about myself and life and I know life is short and it makes me sad that in all likelihood I will never see her or talk with her again and that makes me sad.

 

There still has not been one day in the past 5 months that I have not woken up and not thought of her. I miss her terribly, but I know I dont want to be just friends because I know it will hurt too much being just a friend with someone whom I wanted to be my wife. I tried as hard as I could and I never gave up on my heart and that means a lot to me and my heart. Still trying to let go and move on just been finding it difficult because things are just not the same. She has been very cold and lacking empathy after the break-up and I guess I should take that as a sign that I deserve better. Still having a hard time believing I will find someone better than her. She was everything I wanted in a partner and I guess I still hold some guilt and regret for my part of the relationship failing.

 

Just needed to vent and I have been going a little crazy talking to myself in the apartment we shared and her love has been like a ghost around here.

Posted
I have found so much comfort in this site and I just needed to vent to someone besides myself. I miss the person she used to be, I miss spending time with her, hearing her voice, simply laying around together or simply just being around her. I miss my best friend and everything that comes along with that. I would give anything for an hour back to the way things used to be between us.

 

As most of you know its difficult when someone cuts you out of their life. It knocks you down and creates self-esteem problems in thinking that you simply weren't good enough for the person you love more than anything. For me we had been together for 5 years and we have now been apart for 5 months now. I must admit it has become a lot easier since it initially happened. I don't cry or get upset as much as I used to. I have come to accept that I had to give up on any hopes or chances of any reconciliation. I have learned a great deal in this time apart about myself and life and I know life is short and it makes me sad that in all likelihood I will never see her or talk with her again and that makes me sad.

 

There still has not been one day in the past 5 months that I have not woken up and not thought of her. I miss her terribly, but I know I dont want to be just friends because I know it will hurt too much being just a friend with someone whom I wanted to be my wife. I tried as hard as I could and I never gave up on my heart and that means a lot to me and my heart. Still trying to let go and move on just been finding it difficult because things are just not the same. She has been very cold and lacking empathy after the break-up and I guess I should take that as a sign that I deserve better. Still having a hard time believing I will find someone better than her. She was everything I wanted in a partner and I guess I still hold some guilt and regret for my part of the relationship failing.

 

Just needed to vent and I have been going a little crazy talking to myself in the apartment we shared and her love has been like a ghost around here.

 

You're doing great!

 

If she's cold and lacking empathy, the problem doesn't lie with you it lies with her and let her get on with it :)

 

Are you in NC?

Posted

Wow, Brian. Sorry about your pain...it shines pretty brightly. Reading that made me really sad. Why do people do this to each other? How does it get to this point? Over and over and over again? Does it really have to be this hard? Do we so suck as communicators us stupid humans?

 

Glad it's getting somewhat better for you though...sounds like you've come a long way in a short time already, so to answer your question...yes...the rest will come. You will meet someone who will in all likelihood temper the pain and leave with with the brighter memories you have of her and your time together.

 

Ever considered moving to a new place? I'm sure you have...but do you think that might help?

  • Author
Posted

thanks for your replies. I must say its been a hell for 5 months, and not close to being out of the woods yet. Yes, I am in NC. I have two more months of the lease. We both signed a year lease and she left after 6 months of living together. I have been paying her share of the rent for the past 6 months. Our lease is almost over in a month or so and I definelty moving out. She was in contact with me a week or so back considering her name is on the lease and making sure i was taking care of things. She was so mean and cold to me considering I am taking care of all the arrangements with the apartment and paying her share of the rent without asking for any money from her. She was not even nice or even seemed to care. I guess she is showing her true colors and I should focus and care about people that care about me, but regardless of anything I still miss her a lot and wish things could have been different, but I guess I am better just sticking with NC. Just sad that I will never see her again, but through her actions she does not feel the same way at all. Love sucks sometimes.

Posted
thanks for your replies. I must say its been a hell for 5 months, and not close to being out of the woods yet. Yes, I am in NC. I have two more months of the lease. We both signed a year lease and she left after 6 months of living together. I have been paying her share of the rent for the past 6 months. Our lease is almost over in a month or so and I definelty moving out. She was in contact with me a week or so back considering her name is on the lease and making sure i was taking care of things. She was so mean and cold to me considering I am taking care of all the arrangements with the apartment and paying her share of the rent without asking for any money from her. She was not even nice or even seemed to care. I guess she is showing her true colors and I should focus and care about people that care about me, but regardless of anything I still miss her a lot and wish things could have been different, but I guess I am better just sticking with NC. Just sad that I will never see her again, but through her actions she does not feel the same way at all. Love sucks sometimes.

 

Once you move out of your home it will get better! Hang in there with the NC :)

Posted

I can totally relate, I was with mine for 5 years and she did the same thing.

 

It's not been a year and a half nearly and I still dream about us nearly everynight, and have brief moments of dark sadness. I had to eventually go NC and give up on any reconciliation as you did, it was not easy.

 

I have moved on for the most part, but it's still has taken it's toll on me. I'm dating someone new, but I can tell it's just not the same as it was with my Ex in our good years.

 

Hang in there man, that's all we can do.

 

Cheers and good luck.

Posted

sometimes it's very hard to move on when you compare everyone you meet to them, isn't it?

Posted

I don't think I've really compared who I've dated, I was just too busy missing her to even think about it.

Posted

Guess I was projecting a little there. Sorry. I guess either way is not healthy.

  • Author
Posted

It may not be healthy, but I always seem to compare ex's. How would you know something is better or worse unless you compare it to something else? However, this time is going to be so much harder on me. Afterall, in my 30 yrs of life on this planet this was the first girl I would be more than happy to spend the rest of my life with and poof now she is gone. She was intelligent, driven, extremely attractive, compassionate, sweet while we were together, and I stress the while we were together because now for some reason she is not acting that way towards me anymore. I have not quite figured out how I am going to do better than her, but I can only hope and pray that one day it will happen again for me. I just hope it doesnt take another 30 yrs. Just miss having her around and its just sad that she is no longer in my life. I know I can live without her, I just dont want too.

Posted

another mistake...sorry, OP.

Posted

Feeling this way man for that long tells me your probably a very compassionate and strong feeling person. Probably did so much for her and asked so little in return except to just have her. Sounds like you gave your heart. A lot of people give alot of themselves, but not much of their heart. YOu gave it all and its a slow healing thing sometimes. Im going through it now. To me its hard to see how one day things are sooo great and loving...then the next when they break up with you its like "where did all that emotion go"? Ive often wondered if its hate or what? And when they wont talk to you its harder. If your a good person I believe it will come back to you alot better. Just keep telling yourself you will be ok and dont let any good part of what you ever did that was good go away. Dont let someone in the future miss out on "you" because someone else went away. Dude, I really hope you well. JOHN

Posted

I am sending you a MASSIVE hug from NYC! You can do it. I know how you feel, I really do.

 

It will be way better after you move out of that apartment, I'm sure of that. Here, have a bunny. :bunny:

  • Author
Posted

I appreciate everyones support. I only have a month left of this prison and I know things will be better once I get out of my own private hell with all the memories of her ghost. Plus, as soon as I am out of here we will have no further need to ever communicate again. I love the girl with all my heart but the hurt of being friends is something I dont want to do. Very sad that she will never be in my life, but such is life. Im counting down the days. Man this sucks, I didn't want this

Posted
thanks for your replies. I must say its been a hell for 5 months, and not close to being out of the woods yet. Yes, I am in NC. I have two more months of the lease. We both signed a year lease and she left after 6 months of living together. I have been paying her share of the rent for the past 6 months. Our lease is almost over in a month or so and I definelty moving out. She was in contact with me a week or so back considering her name is on the lease and making sure i was taking care of things. She was so mean and cold to me considering I am taking care of all the arrangements with the apartment and paying her share of the rent without asking for any money from her. She was not even nice or even seemed to care. I guess she is showing her true colors and I should focus and care about people that care about me, but regardless of anything I still miss her a lot and wish things could have been different, but I guess I am better just sticking with NC. Just sad that I will never see her again, but through her actions she does not feel the same way at all. Love sucks sometimes.

 

So sorry that your feeling this way, I can understand how much you miss her. While NC is very tough..It does put things into perspective. Healing of the the heart does take time. Just hang in there. Things will get better.

 

 

AP:)

Posted

Oh Brian, I just wrote my post about loving no contact and then I came here and read your post. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Our situations are really, really similar so I can say without any doubt that I know how you're feeling and I've been there too (very recently). I just want to tell you that it does start to get better. It's slow, but it happens. And you have moments where you backslide, but you keep taking steps forward.

 

You sound like an amazing guy and I have no doubt whatsoever that if you want to, you'll find someone you think is great and vice versa. The fact that your ex is being cold and mean now (as mine is) really does indicate that she wasn't all she was cracked up to be. I know that's hard to grasp when you're in the throes of missing her, but it's true. She was not perfect, and she's not the only woman you'll care about.

 

You sound like you really have a good head on your shoulders, so keep up the good work.

Posted

You sound like you truley love her, i no what you are going threw with. I was in a affair for 12 years now it has ended i miss him like hell but i stay busyalot and that helps. But i have moved on yes it gets hard. But my friend you need to get your feelings intact in get on with your life. It will take time for you to get over her just think it was 5 years for you it was 12 years for me and its been 5 months since it has ended but iam dealing with my pain i got too. You say you still live in the apartment you shared what i would do move out and fine somewhere else to live there are too many memories there you dont need that a change would help. Good luck!!

Posted
I have not quite figured out how I am going to do better than her, but I can only hope and pray that one day it will happen again for me. I just hope it doesnt take another 30 yrs. Just miss having her around and its just sad that she is no longer in my life. I know I can live without her, I just dont want too.
You know what matey...? It won't ever be better. It will simply be different. That in the grand scheme of things is huge. You won't understand it now, but you will understand it when it happens. When we've felt as deeply as we do for certain individuals, they will never really completely leave us. They'll never quite be gone completely. There will always be some little part of us, shut away in a safe place, where their place is. That place will become untouchable and completely irrelevant to your life as it is day-to-day. Things will eventually move on without any help from you. They just do with time. That's how life is. Eventually there will be someone else and you won't compare her to your now ex... because there won't be any need to do so... because your new girl will simply not be in the same league. She'll be in a league of her own. Trust me. :)
Posted

KICK!

 

Did you feel that?

 

Get your life moving a little faster, and you'll find yourself thinking about her less and less.

 

I'd suggest you go and get laid, but I don't think you're ready for even that. You need to get your wheels back under you, my man.

 

Get that fire back in your belly and live a little.

Posted
She has been very cold and lacking empathy after the break-up and I guess I should take that as a sign that I deserve better. Still having a hard time believing I will find someone better than her.

 

Brian, take back control of your life. Never let a woman be your soul source of happiness. You need to take some responsibility here.

 

Yes you should take her "lacking empathy" as a huge wake-up call to get your @ss in gear and start living again!

 

There is mountains to climb, ocean's to sail upon, and better women to meet who can add something positive to your life, if you would just make the conscious decision to let the f*ck go and shift gears.

 

The past is the past, forget this woman, and say to the world that it can kick you down, but you are man enough to take it standing tall, with your pride intact, and overcome.

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