wvhenson Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 I have been seeing someone for a little over a year now. The thing is is that they are living with someone that they have been with for like 3 yrs now , BUT the relationship is tough. THey live together, share things like possessions etc. She is very unhappy with him. She has been. Thats what lead me and her together. Me and her are wonderful together. She wants to be with me she says. Me and her have NO issues. Always enjoy each other and never had issues that are bad. She still lives with him because we just havent gotten a place together yet. We always talk of it, but just havent done it yet. So the other day her guy finds her cell bill and got all over her for staying in touch with me. She calls me and is just livid. She is like "its hard living the double life. We dont seem to be going anyplace with this". And she mentioned something about giving her time to think etc. This happened once before and we got back. She is very loving and I do so much for her to help her. She knows Im crazy about her and she knows I am. She and him have just a stagnant relationship. He isnt really good to her and never helps her. I just wonder if living with him and all that plus the having to keep me quiet can take a toll on someone where they need a break or just seemingly end things to calm the storm with the guy she lives with. I mean, I think she did it because he was always on her about me, she always had to sneak around,etc....I want to live with her and get things going. There is no issue with us. But she always tells me that she wants away from him. I just wonder if I should just tell her I still care deeply for her and not put pressure on her. I havent about moving in with her. I waited til she was on her feet with a new job,etc. I love her so much and she knows I do and she knows I help her with anything. It just hurts alot hearing the break up talk, but it held no substance really to it. She did this once before, but when things calmed down she always wanted me back. I just wondered if dating someone thats in a bad relationship causes this. I assume that having to account everytime the phone rings or anytime she goes out having to be asked where she was, who she was with,etc..can take a toll where they get scared and have to break off for a bit? Any insight?
kymberann Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 My insight is force the issue! Either leave him, if not you are done with her! Begin NC and let her do what she will. If you do not force the issue you are basically giving her permission to carry on with the other guy and letting her have the best of both worlds! Easier said than done, but do you really want to get involved in the mess of being the other man?
aln186 Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Nothing "natural" about any of this to be frank. You're the "other" guy and why you'd want to continue being the "other" guy is beyond me. Don't you feel you deserve better than this? What do you think she and the live-in guy are doing when she's with him? You seem like a good guy and you care for this woman which is great. You're feelings seem misguided though. You could be investing this time in a more meaningful relationship. She enjoys the stability he provides and the emotional support you provide... she's getting what she needs in two different places and that's not going away. Do you have a place of your own? Are you able to support yourself? If you truly love this girl, give her something to run to. Otherwise you're just in for the same ol' same ol' till you decide you've had enough.
MIKE2579 Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 I had an identical sitiation as this. Out of personal experience, you and her have no issues because you don't truly know her like you think you do. Once it is "JUST" you and her, knowing how capable she is to having an affair to be happy will eventually cause you to be insecure with the relationship. In my situation we never fought and the reason for that is I was her escape. Once you become the center of her world, things change. You go from her escape to her problem at some point. Constantly being blamed for her and her man not working out, and yata yata yata yata. You can read what I went through at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t147265/ and you tell me how you would have handled it, and I bet you will answer your own questions. It sucks man trust me. I can honestly say, I feel your pain.
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