Darkiya Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Okay, perhaps its a woman thing as it seems 'marriage' is always desired first by those of the female persuation but why is it some women end up hitched in a few months and others spend years with someone 'just dating'? My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years and come July we will have been an official "going-steady" couple. Last year I bought a house and he came to stay with me for the summer as we got our first real taste of "living together" then but when his house burned down what was supposed to be a temporary situation became permanent. He has been living with me ever since and to be honest we've been no worse the wear. We're comfortable with one another and get along swell. There's been some very embaressing moments and some awkward ones as we adjusted to having a member of the opposite sex under the same roof but we work out just fine. We 'hang out' together and seem comfortable with one another's company. I tried to broach the subject of marriage a couple times in a 'casual' manner not really intending to shove it down his throat but rather put the hint out there or at least shove the idea in his head. He seemed to completely reject the idea as he had this opinion that marriage sucks because people just end up getting divorced anyway and quoted some statistics about 50% of all marriages ending in divorce and since a marriage takes two people doesn't that mean that ... well there was some other hogwash involved. We debated this for a little while until I let it go and we talked about something else. Another thing, his best friend in the whole world has been "dating" his girlfriend for about 7 years now. No wedding ring, no nothing... and they live together, move together and otherwise are a married couple. They have plans to get married once they're completely done with college I believe but I get the impression that perhaps my boyfriend is putting his standards and opinions based on his friend. That he won't bother with it until his friend bothers with it. My boyfriend and I share in everything and in all intents and purposes we were in it for the long haul. We talk about long-term goals and when he talks about his dreams and aspirations I'm usually involved in them in some fashion. He's told me he's even had dreams of kids with me. So why in the world is he dragging his feet? When we were dating it was me who finally broached the subject of going steady. In fact, I practically shoved him face first into it when I gave him an ultimatum. I told him he either comitted to me and gave me the title of his 'girlfriend' or else I was going to see him less and start dating other people. A week later he broke down and ended up giving me what I wanted and has so far seemed to have no regrets. I think he feared our relationship because of a bad breakup before me but I thought we were passed all that. Reasons for Marriage - Financially better for us both. I could include him on my medical insurance (which he currently has none) and would be a great tax break for me to no longer have to file as single. (He's an artist and his income is not very steady. I have a full-time job to help cover the normal bills) - Give me a sense of our relationship really moving forward. A sense of security. I don't know why I just feel we -should- get married. He's special to me, I want to share something with him that's special. I've dated before... but I've never been married. - Eventually, children. - Have him be able to help me when it came to important decisions and improvements to our lives. I'm sick of people refusing to talk to him on my behalf because we're not actually married. I don't want to be bothered at work when there's a perfectly capable adult available to make little decisions. (Came into issue when I hired a contractor to work on the house) Reasons against Marriage - He's afraid of it? Not ready perhaps? - I would be committed to him for life. (I don't believe in divorce) Though this may not be a bad thing, he's a very good man.
Legend Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Getting married is the End all Be all. It's a lot harder to get a divorce and get your **** taken by lawyers than it is to just be like "hmmm. Ok i'm done with this.... next!" Sure there's financial benefits, but we don't look at it like that. We look at it as the end to our freedom. Our choices are taken from us, and everything is then catered to the woman. Marriage is really a lose lose situation for the guy. It was institutionalized by women after all.
serial muse Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 It was institutionalized by women after all. Er...no it wasn't. I always find this statement so funny and bizarre. Who told you that? Bad history! Bad! Anyway...OP, how old are you and your BF? I'm guessing, from what you said about your BF's friend, that you aren't that far out of college? I do think it makes a difference...it's not the same for everyone but mid-20s or so seems young to me to make this decision. And what did you mean by "embarrassing moments"??
EC Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Er...no it wasn't. I always find this statement so funny and bizarre. Who told you that? Bad history! Bad! Anyway...OP, how old are you and your BF? I'm guessing, from what you said about your BF's friend, that you aren't that far out of college? I do think it makes a difference...it's not the same for everyone but mid-20s or so seems young to me to make this decision. And what did you mean by "embarrassing moments"?? Out of her entire post I wanted to know more of the 'embarassing moments' as well. but as for her post.. It seems that he wasn't ready for the relationship but ya gave him the ultimatum so he budged. He's been with you ever since. His house b urned down and instead of going through a mission you made it easy for him and let him stay at your house. IMO ..and I'm only getting this from what I have read..it seems that he never really had to work that hard to 1) be your boyfriend and 2) move in with you so 3) why rush into marriage? I know it's cliche but like they say ' why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?' He probably figures he will ride it out like he did the dating thing until you give him another ultimatum. Basically he will drag his feet like before until you tell him something about it.
Recommended Posts