planoprez Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 (edited) Ok, I've been seeing this girl for about 3 weeks now who I believe is interested (see my prior post). I've been out of town for a few days and Saturday night she comes over even though she has to work early Sunday morning. Around 2AM we start to play wrestle and eventually she ends up sitting on my lap facing me. I pull her close to me and go in for the kiss. We kiss for a good 15-20 seconds and then she pushes me off her and sits next to me... That was the first time we've kissed, my hands didn't go anywhere or anything. I'm not sure if it was too early for her, or what the deal was...just odd she pushed me off from just kissing. I know it wasn't from bad breath or anything..I took a shower and got cleaned up before she came over. At the end of the night which is about 3AM she hugs me and pecks me on the lips and leaves. We still have plans for tonight...so should I go in for the kiss again or just leave it? Edited March 17, 2008 by planoprez
Legend Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Go in for one man. The first is done, that's the hard part. She probably just didn't want the making out to go anywhere so she called it quits.
Author planoprez Posted March 17, 2008 Author Posted March 17, 2008 I figured that may have been a possibility..or she didn't feel the timing was right. I don't think it was a question of her being interested. Her staying until 3AM and her having to work at 8AM tells me she was interested or why bother right? So tonight you'd go in for another kiss? Is the 4th date too soon for a kiss? I didn't think so..but maybe I was wrong.
EC Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 I think thats reasonable. Maybe she just wants to take things slow u know? She might not want you to get the wrong impression of her?
Legend Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 4th date is NEVER too soon... Hell If I don't kiss the girl at the end of the first i consider it a failure.
AussieJack Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 I think thats reasonable. Maybe she just wants to take things slow u know? She might not want you to get the wrong impression of her? Don't listen to women's advice - it is always full of idle speculation. Look- she sat on your lap facing you -what do you think that means from a BODY language POV. What is pointing at what ? Ya dig ? SEcondly if a woman kisses you for more than 12 seconds without breaking away she is AROUSED and into you. Dude,she needed to go to work early so she left. She did not want to wake up with you after a two hour wrestle in the sack, grab her clothes in the morning and so on , so she left ... Just keep doing what you are doing but let HER be the aggressor next time. She will seal the deal for you - easy !
Author planoprez Posted March 17, 2008 Author Posted March 17, 2008 LOL, I thought the same thing AussieJack with regards to where she was sitting. Typically the first thing I do when I see her is hug her and at least put my arm around her. It sounds like you're saying don't initiate any body contact, let her do it. Am I right? Certainly she will notice my behavior has changed..won't that piss her off?
AussieJack Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 It sounds like you're saying don't initiate any body contact, let her do it. Am I right? Certainly she will notice my behavior has changed..won't that piss her off? NO it won't piss her off at all - she will feel the "distance" and attempt to close it by moving closer. Perceived 'rejection' by a man INCREASES attraction in a woman.. yeah ,I know, it don't make a lick of sense does it.? But women do not make sense to us do they ? Ha! Watch her actions in the first two hours after you next meet .Her actions will give you an insight into her interest level and her readiness to "BE" with you. Have a field report on my desk my 9am, soldier !
Little Shy Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 Don't listen to women's advice - it is always full of idle speculation. Oh well, I was about to add my 2 cents worth from a woman's perspective, but I guess thats useless around here huh? Imagine that, a woman's advice about why a woman might be acting a certain way towards her man....idle speculation....hmmmm.... I guess thats why we are all on this forum, huh? To get feedback on the opposite sex from the same sex? Good luck dude, I hope your bro's steer you right on this one. And don't let things get too hot & heavy with her tonight, because remember, you have a "field report" due on Aussie Jack's desk first thing in the a.m.
AussieJack Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 Hey PLano - the subject line of your thread was curious. "What went wrong" .. Nothing actually went wrong -she just left early enough to go home , get some sleep and get ready to go to work Sunday morning. Men, do you understand how women "get readY"' to go anywhere? They take ages to get ready - we just shower and shave , put our pants on, one leg at a time, and we are good to go. Women PREPARE themselves CAREFULLY, daily, for the outside world. They worry about what top/blouse/shirt/ dress to wear, and what shoes, and why their hair is not quite right and so on. IT is a real two hour trial for them every damn day... like they are going to the Governor's Ball .. LOL
Author planoprez Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 Well the date went well, I did as AussieJack said and she pulled me close towards the end of the night and kissed me. I went in later during the night for another kiss and afterwards she said..it's getting really hot in here I have to go. And she left! I told her I'm sensing a pattern here after we kiss and she just said nothing and that she has to leave for work tomorrow. I don't get it. Never had this happen before.
AussieJack Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 Well the date went well, I did as AussieJack said and she pulled me close towards the end of the night and kissed me. I went in later during the night for another kiss and afterwards she said..it's getting really hot in here I have to go. And she left! I told her I'm sensing a pattern here after we kiss and she just said nothing and that she has to leave for work tomorrow. I don't get it. Never had this happen before. I need to write my book REAL soon. Son, you got yourself a head games playa. The technical name for the game she is playing is "push/pull".. Do not contact her again until I formulate a battle strategy for the next engagement. Until further notice ,you are confined to barracks..soldier. Disarm your weapon.
JustCurious Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 (edited) General rule of thumb, ALWAYS ask for further clarification when you do not understand a statement made by someone - i.e. “I am not sure I understand what you mean by such and such” or “I do not understand what you mean by that statement” and then ask him/her to clarify it for you further. Doing that nips in the butt right then and there (unless of course they absolutely refuse to discuss/explain further). Your response "I'm sensing a pattern here after we kiss" opened the door for further confusion because SHE could have interpreted your response as something completely different then what you intended it to be, especially since you do not know WHY she is being so hesitant. When she responded with "it's getting really hot in here I have to go" a better approach would have been for you to say "what do you mean by that - its getting hot in here and why do you have to go''? As for her hesitation, it could be based on any number of reasons (which evidently you are unaware of - this is where further clarification comes in handy). Perhaps she's afraid that kissing will lead to further physical interaction and she's not ready for that yet. Or, maybe she does not like the way you kiss. Who knows and you’re never going to know until you ask. She's been on 4 dates with you so there is obviously an interest on her part. How high of an interest is yet to be seen. So, next time this happens simply ask her why she is pulling away. If you do not understand her response ASK her to clarify it for you because you are getting mixed signals based on her behavior. If she can't offer/provide clarification then she's in la la land, end of story. Edited March 18, 2008 by JustCurious
EC Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 Don't listen to women's advice - it is always full of idle speculation. Look- she sat on your lap facing you -what do you think that means from a BODY language POV. What is pointing at what ? Ya dig ? SEcondly if a woman kisses you for more than 12 seconds without breaking away she is AROUSED and into you. Dude,she needed to go to work early so she left. She did not want to wake up with you after a two hour wrestle in the sack, grab her clothes in the morning and so on , so she left ... Just keep doing what you are doing but let HER be the aggressor next time. She will seal the deal for you - easy ! lol It's called the 'Give a little and then pull back' Like AJ said the 'push/pull' She wants you to want her but she doesn't want you to have it all yet. She's keeping your interested. In a book I read on dating it said : Sex is the candy store..she's not just going to hand you the key to her candy store after four dates and say come right in enjoy yourself. She is going to give you the candy store one Jujubee at a time.
Author planoprez Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 Nice analogy about the candy store =) I suppose that fits...she mentioned last night that she had two lists...a requirements list that I met and a list of dealbreakers which I am meeting so far. I asked her whats on the list and she just said, don't worry it's nearing completion and maybe one day we will look back on it and laugh. I told her if I fail that list it's not because of me and she just said you certainly are modest lol. This morning she e-mails me and says she needs to go buy more "sexwear" and gave me a link to what she is buying at Victorias Secret. Nothing like being teased. I didn't respond back. I've dated a lot of women, just never had an experience quite like this one. So maybe its like what AussieJack said with the head game and what you said about the candy store. Do guys really put up with this for long?
EC Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 Nice analogy about the candy store =) I suppose that fits...she mentioned last night that she had two lists...a requirements list that I met and a list of dealbreakers which I am meeting so far. I asked her whats on the list and she just said, don't worry it's nearing completion and maybe one day we will look back on it and laugh. I told her if I fail that list it's not because of me and she just said you certainly are modest lol. This morning she e-mails me and says she needs to go buy more "sexwear" and gave me a link to what she is buying at Victorias Secret. Nothing like being teased. I didn't respond back. I've dated a lot of women, just never had an experience quite like this one. So maybe its like what AussieJack said with the head game and what you said about the candy store. Do guys really put up with this for long? It's kinda a way to weed out the guys that are only in it for the sex. Some womens mentality is that if your willing to stick through it then your a keeper. If you don't then they figured you were only after the sex. The intent is to tease you long enough to keep you interested but eventually give in. Another word for this is 'Pleasure Delayment' As for sending you a link of 'Sex Wear' well that's a little much. It's ok to tease so long as there is a light at the end of the tunnel know what I mean? If you like the girl I would keep trying. If she's playing the push pull game then you already have the heads up so you can play it right back. Eventually she will give in. If not and you don't feel she's worth the 'agony' lol then cut her off.
Author planoprez Posted March 19, 2008 Author Posted March 19, 2008 I don't get it...I really don't. I don't understand the dating game and I'm tired of it. I met this really cool chick, and got douched. Got a nice IM from her saying about last night.... Her: "well im a female, and i can't help it to think long term with meeting people and stuff. And its really cool that we are so similiar, its just that i think we're too similiar for it to go anywhere" Me: "I understand, I appreciate the honesty, You're a cool chick, I hope you find what you're looking for" She proceeded to tell me she wanted to bring me a cake for my birthday this week.... Her: "im still bringing you cake on Friday though" Me: "Actually, its probably best you don't, but I appreciate the gesture, might as well just told me the news on my birthday" Me: "I can only go by what my gut tells me and that is you are so used to the bad boy image and getting treated like **** that when it doesn't happen you feel out of place am I wrong? Her: "I guess not" And that was the end of the conversation. I'm so sick of the online dating scene, most of my friends are now married and I never get to see them. Alone again...not surprising.
AussieJack Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 This morning she e-mails me and says she needs to go buy more "sexwear" and gave me a link to what she is buying at Victorias Secret. Nothing like being teased. I didn't respond back. I've dated a lot of women, just never had an experience quite like this one. So maybe its like what AussieJack said with the head game and what you said about the candy store. Do guys really put up with this for long? THis woman is training you to jump throught hoops. Then, when she has you totally compliant, she will either cheat on you and start the game with another trusting chump, or LJBF you to keep you around til she "branch swings" across to someone else. Then you will be left cut and bleeding trying to figure WTF went wrong. HOw do I know ? The give away signs were there in the he way that she bolted TWICE after you kissed her (that means GETTING TOO CLOSE, to her) Most healthy women ENJOY kissing a man and usually want MORE, not less. SO why did she bolt ? BEcause she was being drawn into YOUR frame.. YOU initiated the KISS and she felt less "in control" by participating. She pulled out to gain the ILLUSION of control. WEird ? Yep, but that is how some women function. Fast forward to her statement about buying "sexware" this is her attempt to draw you in to HER "frame of control" by dangling the promise of sex. Remember this - a woman's ONLY agency of control over men is via the supply or withholding of sex. THis woman is playing this card covertly A common feminine tactic, my man. What do you do next? UNless you have experience in countering this type of assault , I recommend retreat. Walk away. Just walk away. YOu are too inexperienced to play this game and engage the enemy with any hope of success. THis woman (and women like her) are UNFIT for a relationship . FInd a sincere woman who is not a control addict.
AussieJack Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 I'm so sick of the online dating scene, most of my friends are now married and I never get to see them. Alone again...not surprising. You need to know this - most women who date "on line" are either looking for 'male attention" to bloat their egos OR hoping that some wealthy, tall, hunk will fall for them and provide a magic carpet ride of luxury and indulgence for the rest of their life.
AussieJack Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 It's ok to tease so long as there is a light at the end of the tunnel know what I mean? . With women like this , "the light at the end of the tunnel " is coming from a TRAIN.
EC Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 With women like this , "the light at the end of the tunnel " is coming from a TRAIN. I agree Planoprez..sorry. What a biotch.
DanielMadr Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 Nice analogy about the candy store =) I suppose that fits...she mentioned last night that she had two lists...a requirements list that I met and a list of dealbreakers which I am meeting so far. I asked her whats on the list and she just said, don't worry it's nearing completion and maybe one day we will look back on it and laugh. I told her if I fail that list it's not because of me and she just said you certainly are modest lol. This morning she e-mails me and says she needs to go buy more "sexwear" and gave me a link to what she is buying at Victorias Secret. Nothing like being teased. I didn't respond back. I've dated a lot of women, just never had an experience quite like this one. So maybe its like what AussieJack said with the head game and what you said about the candy store. Do guys really put up with this for long? WOW. Attention Wh0re. Red Alert. Red Alert. Red Alert. No kissing. No sex. But LISTS and LINGERIE links. Major tease, AW, controlling, power-game amazon. Once you play by her rules she is out. Once you dont, she is in....but I wouldnt want to be in any place with this "chic".
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