wtm78 Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 this is day 41. she broke up with me. and she has made up her mind to move on. have i lost her for good?
Ormolu611 Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 this is day 41. she broke up with me. and she has made up her mind to move on. have i lost her for good? Well, there are no easy anwers I'm afraid. The chances are good that yes, she might be gone for good. There are so many variables though. Why did she leave? Was it something that you did? How long had you dated?These things can be infinitely complicated. At any rate, she is gone for the time being, so it is time to try to move on for your own good. Good luck.
sedgwick Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 We can't possibly know that without knowing the story!
Author wtm78 Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 We are together for alomst a year. just one week before hitting the year mark. She broke up with me because we are having fights for quite sometime and things are really getting off hand. she suggest that we go for counselling but i didnt want to. unless its really necessary... one day we quarrelled over the smallest thing. she wants to break up. she thinks that i am verbally abusive, demean her, threaten her and accuse her of a lot of things. she said if i had gone counselling with her things might be different. but it is too late. her heart has died, and now she fear me, she cant entrust her heart, her life to me. that is why she decided to leave me. she also said she will never get back with me again. i am not explosive all the time. but when we get into a heated arguement. i guess sometimes i just lose my cool, and became harsh.
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 Unless issues have been resolved, I wouldn't recommend it, particularly when trust has been broken. It looks like you're still denying the anger that frightens her. Do seek counseling, if only for your own peace of mind.
Author wtm78 Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 (edited) trialbyfire, i am not denying my actions, or the underlying anger that scares her away. i am also sorry for the pain i have caused her. i guess what i am trying to say is that, i could have dealt with things in a better way. i did went for counselling to get my life disected. now i just wonder if i should or if i could reconcile. Edited March 18, 2008 by wtm78
Starsky Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 this is day 41. she broke up with me. and she has made up her mind to move on. have i lost her for good? Regardless of your story, she has already made up her mind to move on. I suggest you do the same. If you continue to count days and focus on her, you'll miss out on the wonderful opportunities that come your way.
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 wtm78, glad to hear that. Then it sounds like the difficulty lies in whether or not there's real and/or permanent change. One spate of therapy, doesn't guarantee change, unless you're actively working on those issues. You might want to give it some more time, until what you've learned from therapy, becomes second nature, instead of conscious effort. As an example, let's pretend you get back together but the first big fight you have, you explode again. What do you think will happen to the second chance?
Author wtm78 Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 trialbyfire, i know what you mean.. i am working on myself. but then what?
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 Give it some time. You can keep in touch so she can see your gradual change. If she's still interested, she may test you a bit.Or you can stop all contact and hope she starts to miss you and returns.Or you can practice NC (no contact) and try to move on. There are no guarantees in life. In doing everything you can possibly do, you can't change/control someone else's feelings or if they're set on a course of action, their choices. I seriously hope that you're making these changes for yourself. If you're only doing it to get her back, they won't stick.
Author wtm78 Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 how long does some time generally means? 1 month? 2 or 3? i know i cant control someone's feeling... i cant only do my best... the rest is up to her... yes i am aware that whether i get her back or not... i needed that change... if that is what you meant..
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 I can't answer your time question because it's variable per person, reliant on the depth of the hurt and the personality types involved. To specify some extreme examples, if they're a forgiving person, they might take you back within the same month. If they're an unforgiving person, you could be waiting forever. Patience is key, with no guarantees of success. Maybe it's better for everyone, to try to move on. You would be able to start fresh with someone new, no history, thus insecurities, to drag along behind you.
Author wtm78 Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 i understand its just going in circles trying... and i guess its not about forgiveness now. its more about putting her life in my hands that she cant do it...
sedgwick Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 If you were only together a year and you fought that much, it was probably for the best that it ended. My ex and I were still in the honeymoon phase after a year (or so I thought, but then he dumped me unexpectedly and stopped speaking to me.) If you were getting angry at her and refusing to go to counseling, I'd say the best thing you could do is work on yourself and try not to treat the next woman the same. If she's afraid of you, I doubt she'll come back. It doesn't sound like it would be in her best interest to do so.
Author wtm78 Posted March 19, 2008 Author Posted March 19, 2008 sedgwick, technically we didnt fight. just that when ever there is disagreement or unhappiness. she go quiet and went time out when i want to talk about it. this difference get things heated up. and frustration comes...
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