MissJerrica Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Soo... Lastnight my girls and i went out to a bar/club that is like the hot spot for me to run into every single person i have ever met in my life. Haha...i knew the possibilities of running into my boyfriend that i am currently on a break from were high but im not super emotional about what is going on between us and since we are not on bad terms i decided if i ran into him i would just say hello wish him a happy birthday (because today is his birthday) and scatter. So thats what happened...first i ran into a few of his friend and said hello to them, then towards the end of the night as i was with my friend walking towards the bathroom i saw him and gave him a hug and said happy birthday..we talked briefly for just a few moments ... we said we missed eachother but that we still needed this time apart because it has only been like 2 days with NC at this point... i told him i was doing good about the whole thing, that i missed him but that i was fine, and he said "oh well i miss you and i am sad..." then he told me that his days off were changed this week therefore our original plan to reunite on thursday is shot. He said "dont worry, dont worry, we will be in contact very soon, its just so early right now" and i was like "trust me i know its early..i still have a lot of things to figure out for myself..." after all i was the one who had this "Break" Idea... but we asked eachother if we were behaving and his reply was "of course" and mine was "Yes"....hmph... So i told him to just give me a call whenever he wants to but that if he waits for too long i will probably have accidentally moved on with my life (which is true)... So i gave him a flute of champagne we shared a quick smooch and i got dragged off into the VIP area with my girlfriend which is an area that he wouldnt have been able to get into..therefore i didnt see him for the rest of the night. So now its the next morning and i am just a little confused, i care about this man a lot, but i just dont really know how i feel..which i think is a bad thing. I dont know if i want to be with him because i just dont feel that he is emotionally available enough for me, i require deep bonds with the guys that i am with, and although he tries very hard to give me what i want and what i need, i just think we have different views of what a fulfilling relationship entails. So at this point i really dont know what to do, i have realized that a huge weakness of mine is having the ability to choose the right path if it means saying Good-Bye to someone i care for..i am not good at cutting out people from my life or ending that boyfriend/girlfriend bond once i care for you. which happens to be ironic that out of the many men i meet i only actually give a crap about 3% or so... that makes odds against me! I just dont know where his frame of mind is...or where mine is really..i saw a message he posted to one of his friends the other day on a website we both use and his friend had asked him why he didnt tell him that we had broken up (if we had) ... and my BFs reply was "I was waiting to see u to talk to you about it, we havent broken up really, but we had an argument that lead us to spend a little time apart until things clear"... hmmm..... i just have become one big ball of confusion, not only am i plagued with wondering where his mind frame and where his emotions lay. . but i just dont even know what i really want... please guys! any advice would be greatly appreciated!
sedgwick Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 It sounds to me like you really love him. If he's trying to give you what you want but he just isn't sure how, maybe it's up to you to teach him. Guys are not naturally smart about emotional, romantic stuff. They tend to be clueless much of the time. Take a little NC time -- a week or so -- and then reevaluate. Sounds like things are on good terms between you and that a reconciliation is certainly possible if that's what you want.
Author MissJerrica Posted March 17, 2008 Author Posted March 17, 2008 thanks sedgwick! that means a lot to me... its just that i have my best friend also telling me that you cant teach a man how to open up or how to love you the way you need to, that doing that is like trying to put the pin back in the grenade...and i dont want to change him, but if i could just teach him how to love me the way i need to be loved then things would be perfect..but i dont want to have to teach someone how to do that...i dont even know if it is possible... she tells me that if i feel emotionally empty now that it will never get better and i will let it eat me up...hmm...dont know really...
carhill Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Remember, strict NC ....no champers and smooches. That's as far as you can get from NC. BF may not be emotionally available right now or hasn't evolved to that point yet. Emotional compatibility is very important. It's a major issue my marital problems right now (in our case gender stereotypical roles are reversed). From his actions, things seem more as a project to be worked rather than a relationship to be grown. That's my emotional analysis As I said in your other thread, give NC some teeth and it'll work for you. Clarity is so important, for both of you. I have a feeling you'll have no want of distractions in the meantime
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