hidee79 Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 David65, first off - my sympathies. Your job right now is to rebuild yourself, from the soul out. This event, though painful, has the potential to be the "best" thing that's ever happened to you. You can use the pain and suffering to "awaken" yourself, and to find a joy and happiness that can never go away. You can use this situation to evolve, thus providing inspiration for your children. I mean, it's happening...might as well get something positive out of it, right? I sound light-hearted, but I only know this from my own painful past. Last year, the man I was to marry killed himself. He asphyxiated himself in a hotel room just hours after I had left the relationship. The below resources helped me survive the past year. I am still healing, but I have made amazing progress. Therapy will be very beneficial. I went to an EFT practitioner. EFT is a cross between talk therapy and accupressure. I am an America, but I found this UK EFT resource. I can honestly say that EFT collapsed my issues in half the time that traditional therapy would take. The extreme feelings of suicidal guilt that I felt were gone within 5 months (just looking at my peers, they still suffer for years after the event with extreme guilt). I recommend you watch this video of Pema Chodron. She is an American Buddhist nun who does an amazing job providing perspective during the most painful times of our life. She has also written books. I highly recommend "When Things Fall Apart." I also recommend you read Byron Katie's books. And, last but not least, I really recommend books by Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now and New Earth). Oprah is doing a free 10-week webinar with him on his book "A New Earth", which you may also find useful. Good luck.
Author david65 Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 Thank you hidee I will check out those resources. Your story has put mine into some kind of perspective. I can at least still see my ex and doubtless will soon as part of sharing our son's life. Thanks for your support.
City_girl Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 Hi David, just letting you know had a look in to see how you were doing today. Your getting some great advice which I can't add to, except to say you arent on your own Keep your chin up and keep us posted
Owl Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 Just checking in to make sure you're still out there!
Author david65 Posted March 19, 2008 Author Posted March 19, 2008 Thanks Owl. Yes, still here. I've had NC from her tho I sent a txt to check she was ok and safe but no reply. Had my first counselling session today which is helping. Just trying to cope. Thanks for being there to listen.
Owl Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 No worries. One other bit of advice on the NC thing... If you're going to go NC...it needs to be dark. We're talking bottom of the Laurntian Abyss dark...the kind of dark that is so deep that black is a step up from it. Let her worry about you. If you're reaching out to her, then she knows that you're ok. Step back...don't initiate any kind of contact at all with her for now. Let her worry about whether or not you're ok. Don't respond to any of her attempts to contact you. Basically...let her get frantic about what's going on with you. Give her the impression that you're moving on without her. It gives the appearance of strength. Women respect that...and a woman can't be in love with a man she doesn't respect. If she feels that you "can't live without her"...she loses respect. Ergo, love. If you respond to this situation strongly, with a 'take charge' attitude...she'll respect it more. In my case, I have to admit I was needy as heck for the first week. Then when she didn't get on the plane, I withdrew from her. I was there, helping to nurse her through her withdrawl at the end of her affair with him...but I wasn't asking for anything from her. Nor would I tolerate her lashing out at me during that time...I'd simply walk away and let her deal with things herself for a while. You're brand new in this, friend. Have you taken some time to go look for those books I recommended? Hit the library if you want to...I'm not trying to "sell" you anything...just offering a good source of knowledge and support in how to deal with all of this.
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