Mary3 Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Guys I was wondering if you could help me out here. I went out on 2 dates with this guy. We got along famously and had great chemistry. During both dates he felt the need to tell me about this girl , which he desribed as gorgeous , 20 something , ( he's 40 ) and how amazing she was , how close he was to her and how if he were to marry he would want the woman to be EXACTLY like her. Now me not being the jealous type, decided I would just nod *uh huh* and *thats nice* when he talked about her. I made it an important decision to not give him a reaction . I was not sure WHY he was so enamoured with someone he obviously was not with.... He told me they met on a dating site. He said they decided to be friends . He said she feels like a sister. Then on our second date he said he kiddingly asked her to marry him and just get it over with.... ( whatever that meant ) Now my questions are : 1. Would you do this on a first and second date ? , Talk about a girl , not just in a *wow she's a great friend sense* but more a running dialogue ..and how you are not close to ANYONE the way you are her and how you love spending time with her..? Also he liked to tell me how this woman said this and this woman said that , I was getting kinda tired of it honestly. ( like everywhere he went funny things happened with him and other women ) Was he trying to boost his ego ? Why wasn't the fabulous perfect girl in his LIFE ?
Mezzi Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 I think you already know the answer to your question. You date inappropriately brought up another woman MORE THAN ONCE during the course of your conversation. What's worse he's telling you that this woman is his ideal and that he had asked her to marry him. Okay, so what's that to you? This man is already comparing you and im sure every woman he comes across to this perfect woman. He is clearly not over her and seemingly would want you to fit a mold of this woman. If I were you id forget about this guy and leave him to try and get his perfect woman.
backspn Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Run now and fast before you get too attached. Red flags.
carhill Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Yep, he was trying attach a Saturn 5 to that ego. Avoid. Venomous serpent...
Author Mary3 Posted March 17, 2008 Author Posted March 17, 2008 Thanks everyone ! I am not seeing him anymore , not texting , not mailing. I felt it was disrespectful. I just don't believe in 3 somes. And what I mean by that is : I can't get involved with someone who is still emotionally involved with someone else. I unknowingly got involved 3 years ago with somone who was hung up on an ex. What a painful experience. I have also lately asked most perspective dates if they have any residual left over feelings for anyone else. I know that sounds harsh but I have asked someone that. Do ya think they would tell me the truth ? lol. So do you guys think this guy was also stoking his fire by talking about how other females adore him. ? Why isn't he with her ? Do us all a favor ! hehe....Wow I feel sorry for all his future dates. They are going to have to listen to this garbage from him.....about his Ms Wonderful that he obviously is not with... Any other words of advice You guys rock .
blue16 Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 While I agree what he did is disrespectful, he might not even realize he's doing it. I'm sure EVERYONE has done something along these lines at some point before. Rambled on about something or someone else in front of another person meanwhile later to realize "Maybe I shouldn't have said that, that might've been a little insulting to them." I know I've done it. Not in this particular manner but we all make mistakes. If you want to drop the guy, that's totally cool. But if he is otherwise a good guy maybe you should first let him know that you feel he is emotionally attached to her and it's best you two don't date at the moment. If you do at least say SOMETHING about it you might get a better explanation of what's going through his head. You never know. His behaviour does seem a little odd so aren't you dying to find out what is really going on?
OpenBook Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 I have also lately asked most perspective dates if they have any residual left over feelings for anyone else. I know that sounds harsh but I have asked someone that. Do ya think they would tell me the truth ? lol. I think they would politely end the date and then never go out with you again. I don't think it's fair to lay all this emotional baggage on someone you just met. First of all, it's none of your business (not at the beginning stages of dating, anyway). Second of all, it's impolite to ask a virtual stranger such a personal question. Third of all, you're assuming they're just like the jerkwad you just walked away from, which is presumptuous and rude. Don't do it! So do you guys think this guy was also stoking his fire by talking about how other females adore him. ? Why isn't he with her ? Do us all a favor ! hehe....Wow I feel sorry for all his future dates. They are going to have to listen to this garbage from him.....about his Ms Wonderful that he obviously is not with... You should never have gone out on the 2nd date with him. He is communicating to you in no uncertain terms that he is in love with someone else... and observing your reaction idly, to see if you'll put up with his crap. He's just using you (and his future dates) to try to make Ms. Wonderful jealous and draw her out of the Friend Zone. I'm amazed he's so blatant about it. He's probably justifying it in his own mind that "I'm being up-front and honest." The guy is clueless. Any way you look at it, this guy (and any guy who's like him) is bad news. He should have "Stay Away" forcibly tattooed on his forehead.
AussieJack Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Thanks everyone ! I am not seeing him anymore , not texting , not mailing. I felt it was disrespectful. That man is no gentleman, what a vain, self centered preek. I am surprised that your tolerance extended to a second date. NO contact with this rooster, girl ..
Kiss Dont Miss Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 I think he has found a sympathetic ear, sorry for saying this, but you turned out to be this person. He is surely in love with that girl, and must want to talk about her with someone, OR to have someone to talk about her in front of, frankly saying, I'm sure he never needs anything more than "yeah", "really", "can it be true" from you. Keep him away from your thoughts. And from your life. Wish you the best! Kiss dont Miss
AussieJack Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 You should never have gone out on the 2nd date with him. He is communicating to you in no uncertain terms that he is in love with someone else... and observing your reaction idly, to see if you'll put up with his crap. He's just using you (and his future dates) to try to make Ms. Wonderful jealous and draw her out of the Friend Zone. I'm amazed he's so blatant about it. He's probably justifying it in his own mind that "I'm being up-front and honest." The guy is clueless. Any way you look at it, this guy (and any guy who's like him) is bad news. He should have "Stay Away" forcibly tattooed on his forehead. To the OP - read this a few times until you believe it . OpenBook is 'right on the money'..
Author Mary3 Posted March 19, 2008 Author Posted March 19, 2008 Thank you everyone for such interesting insight into why this man did that...I think thats spot on that he is trying to pull her from the friendzone. The thing about the friendzone is : Once we put a guy there ,we don't usually see him coming back in a romantic way , so if his intent was to make her * come out * of her friendzone , then I just have to laugh. .. I have not talked with him in 4 days and I feel so much better. It was actually upsetting me and I shut my phone off so I would not hear his calls. As far as the wondering if someone is not over someone and not being entitled to know that , I accept that advice. But all I have to say is * ouch * for those who get the torch after they are deeply involved and the guy pulls out a " oh guess what I still have feelings for this girl and I used you in the meanwhile ...but now I want to go back to her " speech. Isn't that like a rebound ? What advice can you give for those of us who are # 3 ? ( I quickly move out of that position when I see it coming ) Great advice so far thanks everyone
Author Mary3 Posted March 19, 2008 Author Posted March 19, 2008 I was asked : Why a second date ? Well I thought he was testing me on the first one to see if I was a jealous person. When he did it on the second date red flags started going up . Honestly never been on a date so strange like that and was kind of speechless that a date would say those things. When he said them 2 dates in a row , it was time to bail.....lol
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