My hubby watches porn all the time and never wants sex with me

[kimberlynn27]

Okay... I'm 5'7, 102 lbs., long hair, fake boobs and horny all the time. I dress up in school girl outfits with pigtails, etc. etc. and my husband would still rather jerk off than have sex with me. What gives? I need a man to explain this to me. Every once in a while masturbation is great... but when he is doing it 3 times a day and we haven't had sex in 2 weeks.. I start getting really pissed! I've told him that I consider it cheating when he's doing it so much and I'm not getting any. He's swears he'll stop but never does. I'm seriously thinking about getting a boyfriend on the side. What should I do?

[TechDude]

Okay... I'm 5'7, 102 lbs., long hair, fake boobs and horny all the time. I dress up in school girl outfits with pigtails, etc. etc. and my husband would still rather jerk off than have sex with me. What gives? I need a man to explain this to me.

Sorry, I have no explanation. He's an idiot? If it were me ... (well, let's not go there).

 

Every once in a while masturbation is great... but when he is doing it 3 times a day and we haven't had sex in 2 weeks.. I start getting really pissed!

OK, I may be fairly new around here, and I sense a general "porn and masturbation is OK in moderation" feeling around here, but then I see thread after thread from unsatisfied women whose SO's are to busy satisfying themselves and neglecting their women.

 

So, personally, I think it is NOT OK. But, as such a black and white position is probably not acceptable in an "enlightened" society, I'll assert this much:

 

If a husband is jerking off to satisfy himself, while his wife is feeling neglected and sexually unsatisfied ... this is not right!!

 

For crying out loud - these men need to start paying attention to the needs their partners instead of being self centred all the time.

 

I've told him that I consider it cheating when he's doing it so much and I'm not getting any.

Fair call!

 

He's swears he'll stop but never does. I'm seriously thinking about getting a boyfriend on the side. What should I do?

OK, ultimatum time. Tell him you are not happy with your sexual relationship. You have asked him several times to be more attentive to you. He has not changed. Now ask him to help you decide which of the following options are the best way forward:

1. a BF on the side or

2. leave him altogether and go in search of someone who will actually be attentive to you.

[shadowofman]

What you have described is an extreme. I don't think he is tired of you. I think he is tired of ONLY you. I don't jerk off 3 times a day, but sometimes I would rather jerk off to porn then my wife. I wouldn't neglect her though.

 

I suggest you watch it with him and then just talk about how hot all the guys in the movie are. If he likes that it's one thing, but that might be enough to make him possessive and therefore more interested in you.

 

Or the ultimatums already suggested.

[carhill]

How long has the porn thing been going on? How's the rest of your relationship? How long have you been married? Any recent drastic physical changes in either of you?

 

Perhaps not applicable to your circumstance, but I definitely get a vibe from wife sometimes that says "stay away". I've talked to her on occasion about it and she isn't even aware of her behavior.

 

I know you're venting so you don't mean the BF card literally, but your point is well-taken. If direct communication doesn't work, MC might be worth a try.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Okay... I'm 5'7, 102 lbs., long hair, fake boobs and horny all the time. I dress up in school girl outfits with pigtails, etc. etc.

 

Is the being underweight, fake boobs, hot horny housewife, and school girl outfits all your doing or did you do it for your husband, or at his request?

 

If you were fulfilling a fantasy for him, then understand this - you'll find that when fantasy becomes reality, a good deal of men need new fantasies. It sounds like you sculpted yourself into something straight out of a porno, and unfortunately when men do the porn thing, they get bored with it and move on to the next porn in order to keep the arousal levels high. Perhaps he lumped you in with that, and simply is no longer as aroused with you as he once was regardless of what you look like or how horny you are.

 

What's your backstory?

 

You became a porn fantasy, but what was your reality before that? Did he eventually reject your reality and you did all of the 'porning up' as a result? What was your sex life like before you dropped your weight, dropped in implants and bought porn wear? Do you find that your sex life went right back to unacceptable levels even after this? If so, then that isn't you or a problem with you.

 

Its a problem with him, and his inability to maintain arousal with you. Is it porn that causes that? Is it some other underlying problem (infidelity or anger)? Has he always been this way?

 

I can tell you this - you don't solve marital problems by cheating. You only create new problems. You won't find whatever happiness you are looking for underneath a new man. You might find something that passes for happiness in the short term, but in the long run it won't help you at all.

[Immortalone]

Sounds like your husband has a fantisy that is not being fullfilled. You two need to sit down and talk to each other. Yes I know talking is not easy but it is so worth it. Ever thought of watching it with him, reaching over and jerking him off yourself. What about mutal masturbation and see were that leads to? There are alot of things you can do here but talking I think is the first one.

[kimberlynn27]

Well, the history of our relationship is in the beginning when the relationship was new, we had sex all the time. We didn't see each other everyday because we lived in different towns, so we would commute one or two days a week and on the weekends. I was using his computer one day and upon typing in what I was searching for.... adultfriendfinder.com dropped down. Then upon looking a little further noticed bizillions of porn sites. I didn't say anything or get mad, because I figured that we didn't see each other alot at that point and had really only been together for 4 months, I knew he needed a release in between. I did it to, so whatever.

 

The after we had been married for a month. I noticed that adultfriendfinder again... so I checked out the site. Holy crap... match.com for perverts. So I created a profile and found him on there. Advertising his freaking cock... Fabulous! Now I'm trapped. I sent him an email through the site from myself saying... thanks for ****ing around on me, now I'm trapped and married to you. To which he instantly responded. So obviously he still checked out the site. He said it was old and he had forgotten to remove his profile and he had never met anyone from there... yadda yadda yadda....

 

Moving on... I forgave him. We got pregnant and our sex life completely ended. I figured it was because I was pregnant and that weirded him out. The whole time I was pregnant he was jerking off about 3 times a day. With no interest in me. Then when I was in the hospital in the end for complications, he left me in there alone for days, while he was at home having a masturbation marathon. Even after the baby was born, I had a c-section and was left there all night the first night by myself. When we go home, I checked the computer and sure enough he was up until like 2 in the morning jacking off while I was in the hospital alone with the baby. WTF!

 

Okay.... then after the 6 weeks the Dr. gives us the thumbs up for sex... nothing. No interest... still jerking off. We get in a huge fight. I tell him he needs to stop. I want sex from him or I'll get it somewhere else. So, he's good for a week or two, then back to the same thing. So, another fight.... good for a week then again...

 

At this point, I am losing my credibility here. The resentment is out of control and I am starting to hate him for it.

 

He is so desensitized to porn, that even when we have sex he is basically half hard. He has no problem doing it on his own though. Takes him 3 minutes alone, 3 times a day. So no ED issues here.

 

As far as my looks and weight. I know that I'm underweight but I look good, I work out have muscle tone, I'm just nursing our baby and she's sucking the weight right off. I got my implants before we met and no changes in my appearance since then. Tummy is tight and flat. I'm tan, I get my hair and nails done. No stretch marks. Nothing. C-Section delivery so the hoo-ha is intact. We watch porn together. I jerk him off, I'm active in the bedroom, I'll do whatever he wants, I initiate... everything.

 

What do you guys think the deal is? Do I get a boyfriend and say screw it. This sucks, I feel like I have been cheated out of a happy life with him. Everything else is fine. We have fun together and are good friends. I just don't trust him anymore in regards to sex. It hurts my feelings qwhen we do get it on and now, I just don't want to with him.

 

What do I do?

[Citizen Erased]

He left you in the hospital, the mother of his newborn child, to go home and jack off to porn?

 

You are a far better and patient woman then I will ever be. Almost tempted to say yes to the getting a boyfriend thing

 

These issues don't appear to be going away anytime soon. He has a problem obviously, remains to be seen what exact kind it is tho. This has gone to an unacceptable situation and action needs to be taken asap or it simply won't last.

 

The question is, do you still want to put in the effort if you only get a minimal response with him?

[justpassingthrough]

Everything else is fine. We have fun together and are good friends.

 

You're "good friends," huh?

 

That's like saying "he's a nice guy - 90% of the time."

 

No, he's not being a good friend to you.

 

I say give counselling a whirl and if it doesn't work, fire him.

[american-woman]

your hubby needs counceling ASAP...it isnt you

[JerseyShortie]

Holy crap your husband needs help. He sounds like a porn addict. I'm sorry but right now he is being a loser.

[LucreziaBorgia]

What do you guys think the deal is? Do I get a boyfriend and say screw it. This sucks, I feel like I have been cheated out of a happy life with him. Everything else is fine. We have fun together and are good friends. I just don't trust him anymore in regards to sex. It hurts my feelings qwhen we do get it on and now, I just don't want to with him.

 

What do I do?

 

I would say that he either agrees to marital/sexual counseling with you and individual counseling for his problems, or you separate and make it clear that your next step is divorce. Light a fire under his ass. Let him know he stands to lose everything.

 

That said, getting a boyfriend might light a fire for a short while, but it will lead to the bigger fires of the sort you don't want. The idea of divorce might be hard for you to take, but imagine how hard it will be if you are caught f*cking around on him. You won't stand a chance if that happens. It will be the difference between dismantling your house on your own, and having a huge tornado come and blow it down and scatter everything you have known to the four winds. You will create more problems for you and your children than you would by walking away on your own accord if your H refuses to do his share of repairing your marriage.

 

You choice: work on fixing things and walk away if it won't work out, or destroy everything in one swoop by f*cking around.

[daisygirl]

I would say that he either agrees to marital/sexual counseling with you and individual counseling for his problems, or you separate and make it clear that your next step is divorce. Light a fire under his ass. Let him know he stands to lose everything.

 

That said, getting a boyfriend might light a fire for a short while, but it will lead to the bigger fires of the sort you don't want. The idea of divorce might be hard for you to take, but imagine how hard it will be if you are caught f*cking around on him. You won't stand a chance if that happens. It will be the difference between dismantling your house on your own, and having a huge tornado come and blow it down and scatter everything you have known to the four winds. You will create more problems for you and your children than you would by walking away on your own accord if your H refuses to do his share of repairing your marriage.

 

You choice: work on fixing things and walk away if it won't work out, or destroy everything in one swoop by f*cking around.

 

Ths is great advice! Definitely couldn't say it better myself.

[kimberlynn27]

So, he agreed to go to Counselling and made his appointment for Thursday. He admitted to having a problem which is the first thing. He said and now that I think about things agree with him that he has a masturbation addiction. Not so much the porn, because even when I blocked the internet and we didn't have any in the house, he would still do it to the sh*t in his head or Maxim or whatever. I'm glad that he is getting help, but I don't know if he will really change. He may just get better at hiding it. Also, although I want him to stop... I also would rather him beat off than sleep with some hooker if he needs a little strange. I just know that this is a deal breaker for me and if he doesn't do something, I'm gone. Supporting two kids on my own will be hard, but I've danced before and suppose I can do it again if I have to.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Its a start, at least. I'm glad that he can admit he has a problem, and is willing to get some help to salvage what you and he can.