loveralone Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Well, my bf and I have been broken up for 3 weeks. We were together for a little over 2 years. He's my best friend, and I miss him so much right now...I love this man dearly, and it broke my heart to walk away from him, but there were issues that really needed to be dealt with, and neither of us was dealing with them. I guess it was a mutual decision to break up, but I'm certainly not happy about it, and I just want my comfortable life with him back... He's been on many dates over the past 3 weeks, and even told me about some of them...in fact, as I was writing this, he called me to ask about something that happened this morning, and he made a comment that he didn't go home last night (he was on a date) - so I'm assuming he's had his "rebound"....ugh. He told me he's moving on, and that he wants me to be happy. He's keeping in touch with me via phone, email, etc. I really don't want to lose him, but I'm having a tough time with my emotions right now. So I was thinking that I might just email him tonight and tell him that I really care about him, I want him to be happy, but I don't think I can remain friends with him at this point. Again, I don't want to lose him, and I'm afraid if I make this move, I'll lose him forever...The only thing that's been keeping me going is knowing that I still have him as a friend, even if we're just being friendly on the surface and not talking about anything serious or "emotional", but it's killing me to know that he's spending time with other women... How can I get him to see how much I really do love him and want to be with him without being "needy"? I don't want to cry to him, I don't want to beg or plead...I know that won't get me anywhere. I also know that I can be happy without him, but I'm happier with him... So what can I do?
backspn Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 I feel for you. Ive been there. My ex and I broke up 5 years ago after 4 years together. We stayed in contact for a year after that but nothing ever developed. All it did was keep me hanging on. My suggestion is stop taking his phone calls. I know it kills you, it did for me. If you continue to talk to him, the longer it will be til you move on. 2 things will happen: 1. He will figure out that he made a mistake and want you back. 2. You will move on and find someone who really appreciates you. My bet is for #2.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 It's okay. You have to let all the emotions come out before you can truly move on. It's very inconsiderate of him to go on the rebounds and at the end of them all, to dish out info on his nights out. That's not being a friend, that's being selfish. If anything you have to stop all contact with him to focus on yourself. It's not good to try to hang on to the past especially now that he's dating. You need to go and do your own things, to find that independence you once had. You don't need to tell him how much you care about him, if anything it's only gonna give him an ego boost to know that you still have feelings for him. Stop answering his calls, get rid of anything that reminds you of him. Take it one day at a time. It's important to have a friend, but your ex is not that friend right now.
Author loveralone Posted March 17, 2008 Author Posted March 17, 2008 Thanks guys... I ended up calling him last night to ask why he told me he didn't come home the night before, and why he had lied about where he stayed (he said he left his date and stayed at his best friends house, which I didn't believe...) He told me it was none of my business, which I agreed with but let him know he made it my business when he shared that information with me. He got super defensive, told me he's moving on, and said we'll never be in a relationship again "so why sit around and 'mope' about it". I told him that I didn't think I could be his friend because he couldn't respect me, and he cut me off and said "Then stop calling me! Stop emailing me, stop trying to stay in touch with me! If you can't handle it, then leave me alone! My life is none of your business anymore. You're not my girlfriend, I don't need your drama..." and a bunch of other hurtfull things. I didn't cry, I didn't beg, I didn't plead - I told him I was moving on, too and that I agreed, we would never be together again and thanked him for reminding me why we weren't working out in the first place... I spoke with him last week and asked what he wanted me to do with his things, and he asked me to "hold on to them for now", so last night I told him we need to just get this over with. Let's swap belongings, stop dragging this out, and let's get on with life. He told me that was fine, but then went through each day of the week and told me why it wasn't a good day for him. I said I'd just bring his stuff to him right then, but he told me he didn't want me to come to his house, and if I did, I better be ready to never talk to him again. He asked me what my point was in calling him, and asked me why I didn't just leave him alone if I didn't want to be friends anymore. He kept telling me he didn't want to talk to me, and there was "no point to this conversation"....He never stopped being angry and defensive the whole conversation, and he made me feel like I had no right to be hurt by his actions, and no right to share the fact that I am hurt, because we are no longer together. I don't understand why he was so angry with me. He's the one who was making all the contact when we first broke up, I never made the first move. He's the one who's told me about all of his dates, he's the one who "slipped" and told me that he didn't come home after his date, and he's the one who lied about it...Why does he get to be mad at me for calling him on it?! We planned our future together, he told me he wanted to marry me, wanted me to be the mother of his children, we both picked out the house that he bought because one day that was going to be OUR house, we spent weeks working on the house together...we were building our lives together! I just don't understand.....
twice_shy Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 loveralone, Think about it. He has been on several dates in only 3 weeks of being broken up? Boy, he isn't wasting any time. Doesn't look like he was that into a committment to you in the first place. Sounds like he is the type that likes to be with more than one girl/woman. Maybe its time to move on. It does sound like he moved on, and rather quickly. That should tell you something. Think about it, you have a boyfriend, you broke up and he immediately starts hooking up with other women? Gee, so much for his mourning period of the death of your relationship. I'd go no contact with him and find someone a little less fickle.
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