Dontunderstand Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Ok I need some BIG TIME help........ My b/f and I have been going out for 2 years things have been down for awhile then out of the blue 3 months ago...this guy at work reached out to me via email and we started talking. At first I didnt think anything of it you know the normal just getting to know each other (we work in different dept. so I didnt know anything about him) we would just make jokes on people in the office and talking about our day stuff and I would turn to him and get his help about my relationship with my b/f.... he told me about himself then he asked me to lunch I was a little surprised and the first couple times I said no but he twisted my arm anyway and I gave in.....We started going out for lunch together almost every day...he then asked if he can call me so I gave in and gave him my number and we would talk on the phone for hours..... Then my b/f and I had yet another big fight and I kept turning to my coworker and after work one night we went out for a drink. It was great we click so well.... we ended up kissing kissing by the end of the night....but just when we were about to go he asked if he could talk to me..... I said sure.....and thats when he told me he was married but separated from his wife for about 8 months. I was pissed when I heard this and very upset that he never told me. We opened up alot to each other.....he just told me he was scared and he didnt know how to handle something like this.....Being in the same boat we kept talking, going out, things get pretty hott (I havent had sex with him yet, but I really want too) I know Im falling for this married man he treats me like a princess so caring, loving, and is so smooth I just melt....however on the other hand my b/f tires too I do love my b/f but all these fights we have make me very uneasy.... I dont know what to do......what would you do???
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 I was pissed when I heard this and very upset that he never told me. We opened up alot to each other.....he just told me he was scared and he didnt know how to handle something like this.....Being in the same boat we kept talking, going out, things get pretty hott (I havent had sex with him yet, but I really want too) I don't know how you could get pissed off at this guy for being married, I mean, you're in a relationship yourself - And cheating on your boyfriend (atleast emotionally you were and continued to let another man get close to you WHILE with your bf).. Do yourself a favour...Break up with your boyfriend. No matter what is going on in your relationship - The fighting, misunderstanding, not communicating...Is NO justification to cheat on him. The married guy is going to break your heart. Go read in the OW/OM section before you decide to sleep with the guy. I would hope you would think twice about this...You also only know what 'little' he's told you about his marriage...For all you know, it could be a trial separation with intention of getting back together. Does he have kids?
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 You sure about that? Do you know details of his separation? Do they intend on divorcing soon? Why did they separate? See, you are allowing yourself to fall for an UNavailable guy. He knew you were unavailable, he knows you have a boyfriend and he's played you like a fiddle...Been your shoulder, convinced you to open up to him, to call you, to hang out and go for lunch - Now it's daily lunch. Don't you see that he's taken advantage of your vunerability and used what you've told him about your boyfriend problems against you? Let me ask - Did he ever actually GIVE you helpful advice? Point you in the direction of your boyfriend, encourage you to fix things, give you helpful pointers on how to make your relationship better? MY guess is no. He just slid right in there and knew what buttons to push with you...Some friend he is...He doesn't have your best intentions at heart. You two are NOT friends at all, he's trying to get into your pants knowing that you're already with someone. He "omitted" the truth that he was married, yet separated... Thoughts?
Author Dontunderstand Posted March 17, 2008 Author Posted March 17, 2008 (edited) Yes Im 100% he doesnt have kids! I dont know all the details of his separation he cheated on his wife he told me that he was never in love with her. He told me was in love with his ex g/f and when she got married it broke his heart and the women he married was just a mistake and they wanted to call it the wedding off but being 40,000 deep they didnt and he was dumb for doing it....no idea if divorcing soon Edited March 17, 2008 by Dontunderstand
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 You're a safe bet for him to have a fling with. Sorry, but he is playing you. I know you dont' want to see that because you have feelings for him now, but he is playing you. Not malciously, but selfishly. If he is inlove with his ex girlfriend, and now separated, possibly divorcing, why are you with him? He's confused...Hense, you being in a relationship already - You're safe. No committment, doesn't owe you anything... Anyway, you need to break up with your boyfriend because you're more concerned about the MM than you are your own boyfriend of 2 years.
Author Dontunderstand Posted March 17, 2008 Author Posted March 17, 2008 (edited) Thing is I love my b/f I just wish he would give me a little attention and not flip over little things I cant let him go! Im going to have a talk tonight with the MM and end it thanks i think I just needed to hear it thing is Im scared that my b/f is going to end it with me and Ill have no one Edited March 17, 2008 by Dontunderstand
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 If you love your boyfriend and really respect him, then work on communication with him and make your relationship better. I'm sure there are needs of his that you are neglecting as well, I bet it isn't one sided......And, for 3 months you've been focussing on another man, spending less and less intimate time with your boyfriend, atleast emotionally...Don't be surprised if your boyfriend suspects something is "up" in the sense of you and the MM. Anyway, I hope you are serious about ending with the MM. And, I hope you don't let MM convince you that you two can be "just" friends...You can't be.
Author Dontunderstand Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 (edited) here is an update.....I talked to him and I broke it off.... then right after I we had did "it" yes I know it was dumb but I wanted and it was wonderful Im not sure it was because we both were upset or what but then a couple days later we talked and eneded it. now I just got a email from him I can tell he's hurting what should I say or do? please help Edited March 27, 2008 by Dontunderstand
btc8 Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 here is an update.....I talked to him and I broke it off.... then right after I we had did "it" yes I know it was dumb but I wanted and it was wonderful Im not sure it was because we both were upset or what but then a couple days later we talked and eneded it. now I just got a email from him I can tell he's hurting what should I say or do? please help Be an adult about it, and reiterate to him that what happened between you two was not what you intended, but it happened anyway. Say that you can't do this anymore (act as a secret paramour to your boyfriend), and that you two need to stop. If he works in a different department, then it shouldn't really be a problem encountering him from day to day. Don't you feel the slightest bit guilty for what you're doing to your boyfriend? I am not trying to be judgmental, but it seems that if you really LOVE your current boyfriend, you wouldn't have allowed yourself to have sex with this man. I can understand the emotional things like talking and lunch, but to go as far as actually cheat would require a heavy smoke screen to block the guilt/pangs of regret.
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