niceguyorlando Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 I met this girl over the net and after 4 months of incredible talking and sharing we decided to meet. We were both excited and attracted to each other, she really seemed to be liking everything. The chat was good and that night we kissed before returning home. The next day she writes me and tells me that that kiss was maybe a mistake and that it takes her a lot more time to feel comfortable beside someone. I wrote back and said that we could do this according to her pace but that I really liked being with her and other nice things... After a week I wrote her again and asked her if everything was ok, and that if she was no longer interested that she'd tell me and I'd pursue another relationship. She answered back and said that she was still interested in seeing me again and to continue talking and writing and going out again. The next two weeks she's been e-mailing me and telling me that she's very busy at work and don't have the time to writing a proper answer. I really don't know what to do if I end this or write her again and tell how I feel... Isn't this crazy? Why doesn't she tell me how she feels? I don't know if she is perhaps dating more people and placing me in a waiting list. I am not afraid of receiving any bad news, however this indecision after 5 months literally kills me.... Please help (lol)...
Green Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 how old are you guys? regardless of the situation you should be trying to date other people, your putting to much pressure on this one relationship that may or may not go to the next level
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Stop emailing her and take a break. She's being dishonest with you and giving you the brush off. The "I'm too busy" and distancing herself from you. There is a good chance that when you two hooked up in person, she didn't feel the same way but didn't know how to tell you. That is what I'm assuming, so I could be wrong. Don't chase her, don't keep emailing her.
Author niceguyorlando Posted March 17, 2008 Author Posted March 17, 2008 Well I am 39... but what confuses me the most is that if she did not like it she wouldn't invite me out to a bar afterwards, and ask for hugs or keep looking me in the eye all the time...she really looked excited, as she was the one who reached for my arm touching... and so on... or she could have said she wasn't interested when I asked afterwards... Maybe I am too atached to someone I don't know well enough...
Green Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Well I am 39... but what confuses me the most is that if she did not like it she wouldn't invite me out to a bar afterwards, and ask for hugs or keep looking me in the eye all the time...she really looked excited, as she was the one who reached for my arm touching... and so on... or she could have said she wasn't interested when I asked afterwards... Maybe I am too atached to someone I don't know well enough... yes you are to attached. A rule of thumb for me is to play it cool and uncaring inside my mind for the first month atleast.
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 But something changed. Forget what happened that night and how touchy feely she was....She's not feeling it now. Seriously, stop emailing her and try to keep busy so you won't be checking your email every hour.
gfto Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 I really don't know what to do if I end this or write her again and tell how I feel There nothing to end, and she knows how you feel. She does not feel the same way. She is not interested. Just quit e-mailing her and forget about her. You win some, you lose some.
shockandawed Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 (edited) Why did it take four months for you to meet? Did you meet her on a dating site? In my experiences, if the girl takes longer than a couple of weeks to want to meet, then there is usually a large red flag. In the few cases where that has happened to me, the date was pretty much a disaster or I found out they had some skeletons. I see some serious red flags here. She sends you an email telling you kissing you was a mistake because it takes her alot more time to feel comfortable? How much more time does she need for a simple kiss? You have already given her four months for the first date. She has some issues..... You are 39, I assume she is approximately the same. My guess is she is playing this with several other people and probably finds more thrill with the chase than the catch. I would move along and not allow anyone to drag you along in the future. You have emotionally invested four months into something that wasn't really there. Edited March 17, 2008 by shockandawed
AussieJack Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Well I am 39... but what confuses me the most is that if she did not like it she wouldn't invite me out to a bar afterwards, and ask for hugs or keep looking me in the eye all the time...she really looked excited, as she was the one who reached for my arm touching... and so on... or she could have said she wasn't interested when I asked afterwards... Maybe I am too atached to someone I don't know well enough... Nobody ever said that women made sense. Ha ! She is a head case - there is a lot of that going around. You are suffering from ONEITIS -over a chick who is having buyer's remorse. Go NO Contact immediately - this has pain written all over it.
Author niceguyorlando Posted March 17, 2008 Author Posted March 17, 2008 Yeah, You guys are probably right... I was thinking pretty much the same that if after 4 months of talking and writing (although she was always very nice but would sometimes took a week to answer), if this chick is not there yet she will probably never be or she really has some head issues or she is one of those who like to manipulate... I also think that she has some problems in getting attached or perhaps was hurt in the past and carries some emotional baggage... or I am perhaps attached to an illusion of how I wanted her to be.... I stopped e-mailing her a week ago and she was the one who e-mailed me this week saying she did not have the time to writing a proper response yet but she would and hoped I was having a good week...
xpaperxcutx Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Yeah, You guys are probably right... I was thinking pretty much the same that if after 4 months of talking and writing (although she was always very nice but would sometimes took a week to answer), if this chick is not there yet she will probably never be or she really has some head issues or she is one of those who like to manipulate... I also think that she has some problems in getting attached or perhaps was hurt in the past and carries some emotional baggage... or I am perhaps attached to an illusion of how I wanted her to be.... I stopped e-mailing her a week ago and she was the one who e-mailed me this week saying she did not have the time to writing a proper response yet but she would and hoped I was having a good week... I highly doubt this girl is looking for a serious relationship. Whatever her reasons are, it does not take a week to email someone, no matter how busy they are, a person who is interested in actually pursuing anything, would take the effort to maintain contact. You should date another girl. This girl might just want to be friends. Sorry you wasted 4 months on her.
AussieJack Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 ....she was the one who e-mailed me this week saying she did not have the time to writing a proper response yet but she would and hoped I was having a good week... This is womanspeak for," I have a low level of interest in you. I have other things and people in my life who are a higher priority. so YOU have been given a number and I will get around to you if and when I get around to you. "
Author niceguyorlando Posted March 17, 2008 Author Posted March 17, 2008 Thanks again guys for the posts and for the advice... This is a cool website and I'm glad I found it! Maybe I should tell this chick to find herself a good psychiatrist... because I think she has issues, I really hate women that are not honest about their feelings or use others. Also perhaps I was too soft on her and refrained from saying some things I really had to say... but there is still time.... of maybe I just leave it fade away....
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Nah, don't tell her anything. Your silence will say it all.....
AussieJack Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 I really hate women that are not honest about their feelings or use others. . Well then get ready to hate a LOT of the female population dude. That is the way they are. You need to accept that most women say one thing but mean another MOST of the time - especially in the early stages. How do you figure out what she really means ? Easy -- " The greater truth is in her behavior" Write THAT on your fridge. You see, behavior has a language and unless the messages that you are getting from her words match the messages from her behavior, you will wind up getting all bewildered if you stick around. Some women really think this is a clever and a smart way to operate - tying men up in knots. WE, as men need to dump that shyte immediately when we encounter it. IF a woman is doing this in the early stages then you are seeing her preferred SOP. Walk away without another word -she is bad news.
Author niceguyorlando Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 Well she wrote again asking how everything was and wishing me a nice St. Patrick's day...and asking what's new....and saying that she's involved in a lot of projects and did not have the time to write a lenghty message... Perhaps I should ignore her a some more:p (lol)....
whichwayisup Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 Yes, ignore her. Or, if you have decided that it's time to completely end it, then email her back and say "I'm going to be very busy in the 6 months so you won't hear from me too much..." and then see what she says.
NotMyselfNEmore Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 :lmao:Whichwayisup that's a good idea! :lmao: No kidding. Giving her a bit of her own medicine might just let her know how it tastes!!! My advice would be just ignore her completely. Don't even bother to write her ANYTHING. Honestly, she put you on a lower level of importance, which means, she's not worth it. Why would you waste your time with something worthless? Teach her a lesson that she's soooo low in YOUR list of priorities that not only you "do not have time to write a lengthy message" but you can't write a message at all!!
AussieJack Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 Well she wrote again asking how everything was and wishing me a nice St. Patrick's day...and asking what's new....and saying that she's involved in a lot of projects and did not have the time to write a lenghty message... Perhaps I should ignore her a some more:p (lol).... She is trying to keep you as a "long distance orbiter"..don't play this game. See the advice from "Im not Myself NE more". its is Gold !
Author niceguyorlando Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 You know what ! I am having more fun in this website than with that relationship. Thanks guys.... This place is awesome:D Let's get rid of her...(lol)
StartingOver07 Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 You know what ! I am having more fun in this website than with that relationship. Thanks guys.... This place is awesome:D Let's get rid of her...(lol) Glad your spirits are better. I just want to echo what Shocked said. Don't spend 4 months texting and talking to someone you haven't met. It creates a false sense of a knowing each other when, in fact, you haven't even met. You had a date, not a relationship.
whichwayisup Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 Try wandering out and looking at all the other sections...watercooler, rant/confession section and ofcourse the sex section... This place is abit addictive.........
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