whatcanisay Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 One month ago my ex-girlfriend broke up with me unexpectedly. Quick history: we were really close friends for about 2 years, and then got together for the next 5+ years. We had an amazing relationship, and got along very very well the whole time. A few months prior to our breakup, she had doubts about where we were headed and felt that our relationship was becoming a friendship. She said it felt like she was hanging out with her best friend. So she broke it off 1 month ago. She wants me to have space to get better and then wants us to become good friends. I have no doubt that one day we will be friends, but I don't know if we will end up as great friends and starting our relationship over, or if we will just be friends. We tried a wishy washy no contact thing (in the month since we broke up), where we would email every few days, or just a "hope things are well" text message. In between I would email her my true feelings, and she would respond. I see her as the girl I was supposed to grow old with and die beside. She says she felt the same way, but doesn't know what happened. All she knows now is that she had to make this decision to salvage our future friendship. So after 1 month of minimal contact, we met up (since she's leaving on a trip for 2 weeks). It was pre-planned. Anyways, it was very difficult for me to see her. Finally two days ago, we both decided that absolute no contact was necessary for both of us. I was suffering knowing she was free to move on and I think she needs the space to not have "the best of both" from me. She feels like she made the right decision, and I feel like someone very close to me died. It's been a rough month, I'm tired of being sad, but I can't picture myself without her. By the way, we're both 25 and I don't see myself finding someone to fall in love with anytime soon. I'm not even interested right now. I'm sure it'll change one day, but I'm at such a loss, it's still hard to deal with this. Anyone know how long it'll take to look past her dating other people, and not be so hurt, that I could still be her friend? Is this even possible? Is she confused in wanting me to be her friend and good friend again one day? Is having this time off with no contact going to help me? What will it do for her since she feels she made the right decision? SORRY this is so long, but thanks for reading this far. Any comments and advice would be great.
JustOneMiracle Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 My ex and I split almost 3 weeks ago on the 29th. I'd known him for 2 yrs before I moved in as his roommate (long disastrous story of a break up with someone else). He was in another relationship at the time. We became quite close friends. Several months after he split with her we realized we'd been living much as a couple, but without the sex for quite a long while. We'd been planning a house, a future, etc, but all under the guise of being just friends. We were super close. Strangely, the day I met him 6 yrs ago I knew he was my forever. My one to grow old, live, and die with. My one to spend eternity with. We were both in other relationships at the time though so I put it to the back of my head and let life play itself out. We've been together for 2.5 yrs. Wonderful gentle, peaceful, and special years. We were planning all sorts of things together. We have all I could want in life. An amazing friendship, a wonderful home, and we were actively planning children <wink> right up until just days before. We had a big blow out. I read his email without permission because I suspected something (no he wasn't cheating, but my suspicions were confirmed - kind of a long story, but nothing criminal nor ****ty to me). And that was that. He ended it. Now we have to live together for another approx 6 weeks until I can move since I have to move out of province. We're still cuddly close because if he's willing to share that part of him still I'm going to take it while I still can. He's talking about visiting me often and perhaps getting together in the future because what we had/have is so special and he recognizes we came together by more than just chance. However, he won't entertain the idea of counseling or any sort of relationship help now! It just doesn't make sense to me at all. I love this man. But I'm lost with the idea of losing his friendship and it's eating me alive not having a future to build with him together. I want so much to be angry and hate him for this, but I simply cannot. He's kind and generous. Helping me get set up in my new place - cosigning and setting up my bills since my ex before him destroyed my credit and wiped my savings. He's even going to look after my cat for a couple weeks until he can bring her to me since I won't have any place for her to stay until I'm settled in the new place and the movers have brought my things. Did I mention he's paying for movers too? Sigh. I love this man. I know he loves me. We wept in each others arms last weekend over the end of this relationship. It just doesn't make sense to me!
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