Lost!!!

[wareagle]

What do you do when you know that it has to be over that being with this person is no good for you? You have tried time and time again to make this person happy, and you love them and their child with all your heart and only want the best for them. She ended it a week ago out of the blue, just like the several times before when she ended it saying she was unhappy, we weren't compatible. Did she really love me or just making excuses? Heard through the grapevine she was talking to someone the day after she ended it. We both said it was over for good this time, but we have said that the last couple of times. This time she has left me alone, unlike the many times before where she wouldn't stop texting me, or calling me. I know in my heart of hearts she could never give me what I need. I know this is the right thing for me I know she made the right decision even if she wasn't completely honest with me. Im so hurt right now, all I do is think about her and her daughter, I wanted so bad to protect them from anything that could harm them, I wanted to love them provide for them, but nothing was ever good enough. I'm so lost right now

[eagle5]

How long were you together?

 

You sound like you did everything you could to provide for her and her daughter, but if deep down she (and you) weren't happy you were fighting a loosing battle.

 

It also sounds like you know it is over for real this time, if she is treating you differently ie not txting or calling then it's probably for the best. (I know that sounds harsh), but if she can't give you what YOU need then it's probably time for a bit of self reflection and time for yourself so you can work out what you do want in the future.

 

BUT -

 

saying all that is easy, you have the hard part to deal with now, do you have a good friend network around? If so it's really worth talking with them and having them around alot at the moment, same with family. I know how you feel right now but I CAN tell you it does slowly get easier. It's doubly hard as you were obviously close to her daughter too, are you still in contact for her sake?

If not it's best if you go NC, there's so much to be said about NC on this site and for a very good reason, it works!!!

It's a hard road ahead but not having any contact from here onwards is going to make it easier in the long run..

 

Good luck mate, keep posting your feelings on here, that will help a little too.

[wareagle]

Thanks eagle5, we were together off and on for a year and half. She is much younger than me I'm 36 she is 25, and her daughter is just about to turn 4. She is a very insecure, selfish, insensitive person, alot of it stems from her past. She has always been in a relationship that has been bad. She was previously married before we got together. I could tell you the whole story, but I don't want to bore anyone for they have probably heard it a hundred times. I know she has alot of work to do on herself, I tried and tried to help her with herself, and she has come along way since we started out. She just has a long way to go before she can ever be happy with anyone, because she isn't happy with herself. I tried to get her into counseling for herself, and then with me but she refused. She doesn't see the pattern she is in when it comes to relationships. I so much want to tell her and try to explain to her, but she won't listen to me. I had been nc until yesterday and she text me about a vacation we had scheduled in may yesterday so I felt like I needed to clarify some things with her. Haven't heard from her since and honestly I hope I don't for awhile at least until my heart has time to heal a little and it's not so hard to talk to her. I miss her and her daughter like you wouldn't believe, but I know in order for me to move on with my life I need her to stay out of it. I do wish the best for her, I am not angry, just wish I would have been alot wiser alot sooner than now and ran when all the red flags came flying my way. She is a good person she just needs some help to figure out why she continues down the path she is has been and is headed. I don't think I am the person that can do that for I gave everything I had emotionally, physically, and financially.

[wareagle]

My ex just text me, help me, I know I shouldn't reply back, but it was such a simple question. She asked if I sold my truck. Why does she care, why would she want to know?

[eagle5]

Mate definately don't reply, you are right, why does she care and why does she want to know??

 

She may well be wanting to keep tabs on you but she has no right! Make a stand by not replying to her, it'll be good for you and show her she can't just contact you as and when she feels like it.

 

Be strong right now, post what you would have said to her on here if you need to.

 

Reading your previous post you couldn't do anything to help her, she obviously has some major issues and you did all you could to help her. You are doing the right thing bro, keep going.....

[City_girl]

Think the above is exactly right. She isn't going to grow up anytime soon. You are going to hurt till your heart jumps out of your chest. Your only choice in the matter is do you do it now or wait till it's much later down the line?

 

Maybe you need a woman nearer your own age?

 

I forgot to say. I am in the same boat, realize that the man I love has no care for me. I know I can pick up the phone at any minute and he will be here but he will break my heart all over again because he is a taker, not a giver, not a sharer. I too am struggling with this and am trying to close the door and grieve for what was, what is and what will never be.

Edited March 17, 2008 by City_girl

[wareagle]

Haven't contacted her. I know what comes next though. She will text me asking me why I am ignoring her, why I am being mean to her, because she sees silence as being mean. She then will probably get hateful and say something mean. If I continue to not reply she may call me, if I don't answer she will leave a voicemail crying, saying please just talk to me. We work together, fortunately before we split I was transfered to a different area where we work, before we almost worked side by side, and we could see each other all day long, but now I can avoid her totally. So If I keep going nc, I see her approaching me at work. That will be much harder than ignoring texts and phone calls. Why can't she just stay away from me at least for a while?

[eagle5]

So If I keep going nc, I see her approaching me at work. That will be much harder than ignoring texts and phone calls. Why can't she just stay away from me at least for a while?

 

Maybe you could leave it a while and then txt her to say that hecontacting you is hurting you, therefore asking her to leave you alone (at least until you are ready).

 

I did that on my last phone conversation, she phoned me to do the 'how are you, I care about you' thing, even though she dumped me and broke my heart in two! So I told her honestly that contacting me was killing me.

 

She may give you a bit of clearence at work too. Hopefully she'll appreciate your honesty in the matter.

[wareagle]

Thanks eagle5, I don't plan on texting her or anything for quite a while if I can stay strong enough. Wish me luck, I have done a far better job this time than in the past.

[eagle5]

Thanks eagle5, I don't plan on texting her or anything for quite a while if I can stay strong enough. Wish me luck, I have done a far better job this time than in the past.

 

 

Def best of luck man, my thoughts are with you, you are making a wise decision.

 

Don't forget if you feel the urge to contact her, let your fingers do the talking on here instead..

[wareagle]

She texts me again today, asking me to not forget to make an eye doctor appointment. I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes about a month ago, and she was supposed to make an appointment with her eye doctor for me, but didn't get around to it. Why does she do this? Does she geniunely care or just another way to keep me on a string. I haven't nor do I plan on texting back.