Little Shy Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 Ok, I admit I am freaking out, but I can't stop my head! When last I posted, yesterday, (see I am getting dissed, or is he really that sick...) I got some feedback from several of you letting me know that I should just chill, relax, and give my sick, new guy some space. But I am really starting to feel something bad in my gut! It has been since Friday night, brief texting initiated by me, that I have heard from him. I know he is likely still sick, but WTF??? I know he has to work today, so I would think if he can at least get up to go to work, he can execute/initiate a brief phone call? And, in my increased paranoia, I looked at his my space page, and he has been dutifully logging on to it the past several days. If he had time to check up on all his friends on my space, dosen't he have the time & energy to call his new girl? This is starting to feel a heck of a lot to me like so many of the commitment phobe mini relationships I experience all too often...Mr.Perfect at the begining, then Houdini man in the end. It crossed my mind that maybe he might think it is not so caring of me to not call & check in on him when he is sick, but last we texted Friday, I made it super clear to him that I was concerned about him, and hoped he got better soon since I missed him. I will not do it, but it is taking every bit of my strength to not call or text him!!! Help! How long to I wait his sickness out? Or is this just a convenient timing thing for a guy who panicked & wanted out anyway?
Star Gazer Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 You've only been dating 2 weeks, right? And you two had sex several times within the first week, right? As an outsider, I can only opine that he's probably not all that interested anymore.
melodymatters Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 Whether the guy is sick, or sorry, sick of you, there is NOTHING you can do about it. Sucks, but true. This is why we should NEVER invest too many hopes and dreams in a "new" guy. Let him stick around and be good, do good, before we start painting him into our life picture. I know this is cold comfort, but still is true. Get busy and do something fun, and forget about this guy until he gives you more time and info to work with. Really, good luck and i'm sorry you are suffereing....
Star Gazer Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 Whether the guy is sick, or sorry, sick of you, there is NOTHING you can do about it. Sucks, but true. This is why we should NEVER invest too many hopes and dreams in a "new" guy. Let him stick around and be good, do good, before we start painting him into our life picture. I know this is cold comfort, but still is true. Get busy and do something fun, and forget about this guy until he gives you more time and info to work with. Really, good luck and i'm sorry you are suffereing.... This is all very true too!!!
allieapplesauce Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 i am going thru the same thing, so i feel your pain little shy......i just hope we can get thru without freaking out too much to get through it and get some answers!
Siciliana Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 Yeah, if you already gave up the booty he has nothing left to his imagination. The trick to keeping them around is not giving it up too fast. Sucks if you are the type of woman to have the sexual hunger, then you have to play the stupid game... but, some men just suck-ass like that and if you have sex with them too quickly they lose interest.
backspn Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 (edited) Whether the guy is sick, or sorry, sick of you, there is NOTHING you can do about it. Sucks, but true. This is why we should NEVER invest too many hopes and dreams in a "new" guy. Let him stick around and be good, do good, before we start painting him into our life picture. I know this is cold comfort, but still is true. Get busy and do something fun, and forget about this guy until he gives you more time and info to work with. Really, good luck and i'm sorry you are suffereing.... I agree. There are good guys out there. I would chalk this up and move on. If I like a girl and want to see her I will set something up on that same date for the next one. Or if Im busy I will let her know I wont be in town for a few weeks etc. If its like this now, how will it be in 6 months? Red Flags, run. Edited March 16, 2008 by backspn
Angels&Airwaves Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 You're all jumping to conclusions, there could be a perfectly good reason for him not phoning you. No credit, phone is broken. Maybe you should message him on myspace, either that or act like a needy and clingy girlfriend which will probably force his hand further away from you (if his hand hasn't distanced itself already). You could make a bold move and go over to his house and knock on his door if it makes you feel any better. Personally you are doing what every human being does and that's over-analyze things and then get into a state about an idea that is etched into your thoughts. I find it alarming you have had sex with him so soon into your relationship, I'd be alarmed if I started to date someone and they offered me sex in the first week, I'd probably run a mile. Secondly, you need to learn not to invest in someone so deeply so quickly, remember never judge a book by its cover.
Author Little Shy Posted March 16, 2008 Author Posted March 16, 2008 Yes, but have all read my original thread? About him being sick? And last texts I got from him before the flu hit were all about, I love spending time with you, can't wait to see you again, and you are so beautiful. This was after us spending several nights together spanned over a couple of weeks. Dating, meeting my friends, everything. I thought I would have to slow this guy down from wanting to make me his girlfriend overnight! I would also expect this more, if after last time we hung out he stopped the compliments & communication after that. If he were in perfect health I would say he just may have met someone else and that is it. How can someone go from so into it to nothing so fast?
Angels&Airwaves Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 How can someone go from so into it to nothing so fast? Sex? Fun & Games? I don't know, ask Aussie Jack, he'll know.
carhill Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 I think it's called "hit and run" dating..... I ran into a few of those in my earlier years of *gasp* telephone personals (back before the internet). A few had themselves married to me before we got off the phone
Author Little Shy Posted March 16, 2008 Author Posted March 16, 2008 You speak od hit & run dating, if anyone was seeming like they were ready to take it into relationship right out the gate, it was him. even after we slept together the guy was texting me like 15 times a day. I got real close to telling him he had to cut back on that. Anyhow, the lovely double standard thing on sex...does anyone take into account that some people may not judge women by how quickly they sleep with you? Three of my longest & best relationships came from people I got very close to sleeping with (if not actually doing it) right out the gate. This present guy was previously married to a stripper, so do you think he's going to be the first to judge on what everyone seems to be calling me out on, promiscuity? I really am feeling a bit cheap after some of the advice offered to me here, and I already feel sad as is. As if this is my fault, what should I ever expect? I would like to expect that when I guy is good as gold to me before engaging in, during, and after our sexual relationship has begun, he won't absolutely change overnite.
Star Gazer Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 I would like to expect that when I guy is good as gold to me before engaging in, during, and after our sexual relationship has begun, he won't absolutely change overnite. Perhaps. But that's the risk you take when sleeping with a guy in the first week...that he won't be as good as gold. So why not wait? A guy who's good as gold will wait, and one who's not won't...and you save yourself the heartache you're experiencing now. Quite frankly, I've met some amazing guys in my time who - regardless of how strong they come across - do NOT want the girl they're dating to give it up easily. It makes them think, "If she gave it up to me easily, what's to stop her from giving it up easily to someone else? What makes me special?" I kinda feel the same way. I want a guy who wants to wait for me.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 You speak od hit & run dating, if anyone was seeming like they were ready to take it into relationship right out the gate, it was him. even after we slept together the guy was texting me like 15 times a day. I got real close to telling him he had to cut back on that. Anyhow, the lovely double standard thing on sex...does anyone take into account that some people may not judge women by how quickly they sleep with you? Three of my longest & best relationships came from people I got very close to sleeping with (if not actually doing it) right out the gate. This present guy was previously married to a stripper, so do you think he's going to be the first to judge on what everyone seems to be calling me out on, promiscuity? I really am feeling a bit cheap after some of the advice offered to me here, and I already feel sad as is. As if this is my fault, what should I ever expect? I would like to expect that when I guy is good as gold to me before engaging in, during, and after our sexual relationship has begun, he won't absolutely change overnite. It's hard to specifically explain why anyone would want to dive into a relationship with so much affection as one does, but it's most likely contributed to our neverending need for something to stimulate ourselves. Take a 7 year old child who wants a toy truck for his birthday. He's been pining for it since he first saw the commercial a while back, and until his parents bought it for him, he was begging and engaging in childish fits to get his way. In the end he got his toy, but after playing with it a few days, a new toy on tv has caught his attention, and the toy truck is thrown off to the side to be passed off as handme downs. It's very similar in your case. The man in this picture, saw something in you, be it your personality or attractiveness; he saw you as a prize to obtain for himself. He paid you attention and compliments to win you over, and you yourself fell for him and slept with him. I'm not saying that you got played, but it's very reasonable to say that he may have lost interest because the both of you rushed into the dating rollarcoaster ride too fast, and when the adrenaline rush died down, it was very unlikely he wanted to go for another spin. And the fact that he preferred to text you seemed to spell out suspicious behaviour for me. Men has a difficulty to truly express themselves at times and they may find text messaging a convenient to convey themselves, but usually it is also because they have something to hide.
Kamille Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 Dissenting voice here, but I don't think there's any need to panic. Maybe it's because I was sick last week and was completely dysfunctional for 3 days. I mean, I could post on the web, that's a fairly low key activity, but I definitely wasn't really up to any oral conversation. I even postponed a date with BF twice because of this bug. Don't panic Little Shy. Give it a few more days or- even- you might consider showing up at his place with a care basket (oranges, chocolate, that kind of stuff). This would show your confident, relaxed and not needy. Of course, if you're not feeling confident, then it's a bit harder to pull off. I do understand the people telling you to wait for him to get in touch with you and not invest yourself emotionnally too fast though. Your panic does make it seem like you over-invested. But in your shoes, I would give it a few more days.
Angels&Airwaves Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 Men has a difficulty to truly express themselves at times and they may find text messaging a convenient to convey themselves, but usually it is also because they have something to hide. That's not technically true - I hate using the telephone, I hate speaking down the phone, therefore I prefer texting someone instead. It's cheaper, too.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 (edited) That's not technically true - I hate using the telephone, I hate speaking down the phone, therefore I prefer texting someone instead. It's cheaper, too. I have no problem with text messages but mostly for men, it is an easy way out of being emotionally attached to the other person on the line. It's an easier way for you to come up with quirky comebacks, and gives you more than enough time to think before you actually give a response. It' also an effective way to avoid someone you do not want to talk to. You can read the messages in the inbox, and choose not reply. A way for you to put a girl on the backburner. Edited March 17, 2008 by xpaperxcutx
juliebijoux Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Little Shy of course I do not completely know the situation, but I want to let you know to keep hanging in there. Maybe write down your freak-outs in a journal. Or even write a "fake" email to the guy, telling him what you feel, but don't send it. I was actually in the same situation (totally did the myspace checking thing, too) where this new guy I went out with 2x got the flu and was out for at least a week. In my mind I thought oh, if he really truly liked me then he would have the energy to send a small text. In fact, he really was very sick. After about a week of not talking to the guy, I decided to call him one more time. Low and behold, he actually picked up and we talked and then went out again. If your guy does not respond to that effort, then he just might be moving on. Give him a moment to feel up to actually going out and having a fun time.
Author Little Shy Posted March 17, 2008 Author Posted March 17, 2008 OK, so today, while paranoid, I sent him a text. Hours later he got back to me, telling me he was just finishing up with work, and still hanging in there (presumably sickness wise) and "How are you". that was about 1 1/2 hours ago, and I am thinking I will not respond until maybe mid-day tomorrow. I feel like the game is on right now. Before, we were crazy reckless texting back & forth, & now 1 or 2 parties involved are executing caution/or distance for what ever reason. I feel like, given all the feedback I got today, give it time & space before responding to his late text. I don't want him to know I was waiting by the phone like I GD was all day. maybe tomorrow, i return his text, letting him know I am well, & had a very busy weekend, & I still hope he is feeling better. Thoughts? BTW, just to super over analyze some more, usually he addresses me by text, as hey beautiful, hey pretty girl, etc. Tonight when he sent the text, I was merely addressed as "Hey You"...
xpaperxcutx Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 OK, so today, while paranoid, I sent him a text. Hours later he got back to me, telling me he was just finishing up with work, and still hanging in there (presumably sickness wise) and "How are you". that was about 1 1/2 hours ago, and I am thinking I will not respond until maybe mid-day tomorrow. I feel like the game is on right now. Before, we were crazy reckless texting back & forth, & now 1 or 2 parties involved are executing caution/or distance for what ever reason. I feel like, given all the feedback I got today, give it time & space before responding to his late text. I don't want him to know I was waiting by the phone like I GD was all day. maybe tomorrow, i return his text, letting him know I am well, & had a very busy weekend, & I still hope he is feeling better. Thoughts? BTW, just to super over analyze some more, usually he addresses me by text, as hey beautiful, hey pretty girl, etc. Tonight when he sent the text, I was merely addressed as "Hey You"... TBH, I was in a similar situation a month back where I met this great guy and we were constantly texting back and forth every day, until he blew me off after our date and the messages went from 30 a day to less than 2. Honestly, I truly find texting very impersonal especially if you like the person because it does tend to make you very paranoid as to why he doesn't reply and the likes etc. Try not to put so much investment in a person who prefers texting over talking on the phone. But I do like your approach as of this moment. Go do other things. Do not wait over the phone. IF anything, do text him tom just to say a quick hi and bye so as to let him know that you're a very busy person yourself.
Author Little Shy Posted March 17, 2008 Author Posted March 17, 2008 X Paper, It's weird with the text people, right? I mean, I like texting for flirting a bit back & forth, say for instance, if you are at work & can't pick up the phone, but what about when you are just chilling at home, and you could just as easily pick up the phone but you just want to send "little notes" back & forth? It seems so childish to me. I mean it comes to a point with me, that after so much time sending text back & forth with a person, when you know many times over they are PERFECTLY capable of picking up the phone & having a conversation at that time, that I just feel kind of almost insulted! I have felt this way with some of my girlfriends too! I will call them, and they will not answer the phone, then I will text them, & they will respond immediately???WTF if up with it? I just don't get it. So anyway, I have almost left guys before, that refused to pick up the phone, & only text. This particular guy I am waxing & waning over now though, will pick up the phone every time I call (or at least before )
xpaperxcutx Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 X Paper, It's weird with the text people, right? I mean, I like texting for flirting a bit back & forth, say for instance, if you are at work & can't pick up the phone, but what about when you are just chilling at home, and you could just as easily pick up the phone but you just want to send "little notes" back & forth? It seems so childish to me. I mean it comes to a point with me, that after so much time sending text back & forth with a person, when you know many times over they are PERFECTLY capable of picking up the phone & having a conversation at that time, that I just feel kind of almost insulted! I have felt this way with some of my girlfriends too! I will call them, and they will not answer the phone, then I will text them, & they will respond immediately???WTF if up with it? I just don't get it. So anyway, I have almost left guys before, that refused to pick up the phone, & only text. This particular guy I am waxing & waning over now though, will pick up the phone every time I call (or at least before ) Absolutely. I only text when I'm in school and I usually text my friends mostly because I know that they'll always reply soon after. But with a guy that you're interested in, it's not a definite plus. It absolutely drives you bonkers wondering why a text message to him would take more than 6 hours to get a response. A phone call would've been more straight to the point. At least on the phone, you can tell whether a person's lying or not.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Yep your def over thinking heres an idea why don't you go to his house and bring a movie and some dinner what ever take out you know he likes best and surprise him. And say you wanted to help him feel better simple no? I sometimes think all the technology we have now a days only helps to distance ourselves from each other in a sometimes bad way. Texts are great but you cant hug them at the end of the night lol And its impossible to tell the tone of some ones voice/intentions thu them all it will do is drive you up a wall.
juliebijoux Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 Little Shy, you could always just try to call him once. I did this the other day, thinking that he wouldn't actually pick up and it would settle it for me, that my fling was over. I was super surprised when he actually picked up. And I didn't know what to say! Also the "Hey you" could be endearing, but it is are hard to tell in a text message, so I say call him. Try not to over analyze too much though, too many variables and what ifs
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