Ebeleptik38 Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 Hey check it out.... now my answers are set in stone, go with your gut and don't look back ever..... My situation finally hit the fan, and I was right....the feeling of rejection is awesome. (TanBark if your reading this, feel free to laugh at me lol) I'm just glad she had the balls to finally tell me and talk to me about what it was that she wasn't feeling anymore about seeing me. I'm so bummed out after investing so much into this girl....guess it's my fault for falling for women so hard...but at least I'm not like heartbroken or anything. Anyways she said she was really attracted to my personality and of course my looks, and I guess physically I wasn't doing it for her. I asked if it was because a lack of in-experience on my part? Because prior to her I hadn't had sex in almost 3 years (crazy huh?) so shoot me...I was a little rusty, sorry if I wasn't a complete animal in bed, however she did say that she finished every time we did have sex...and for the most part I never finished every time. I never even got a chance to reach my sexual peak with this girl. Not having sex after that many years, then getting back into the game again was like a shock to my system...how embarrassing. She said I wasn't bad and was being real straightforward about it, I told her that she could just be really blunt about it, I mean i already got the boot so might as well here exactly why. For the most part I just feel like crap now, and I know I'm not a horrible lay, but can't help but to feel really *****ty about myself right now. Does that happen with women? You can have decent sex with someone, and get off, and though sex was never bad, I always made sure i satisfied her....but then realize your just not attracted to him in a physical way anymore regardless of looks and personality...or was it just the nicest way of saying you suck in bed and I can see myself with you? Oh well for the most part it wasn't feeling right, and I knew from almost a month ago, and didn't just listen to my gut. The gut feeling's rule, and are right every time ....maybe like 96% of the time. If your feeling neglected in a relationship and your not happy....something IS WRONG. Lay it on me lovely folks of LS.
carhill Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 So you feel like crap but aren't heartbroken.... You "satisfied" her but only occasionally yourself.... You think she thought you "suck" in bed.... Hmm...sounds like my marriage Lots of fish out there who won't think you suck but rather will want to suck you. Proceed
garnet Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 Don't beat yourself up about the sex part. I don't think the fact that you were "rusty" has a thing to do with it. It sounds as if the chemistry just wasn't there, or at least not to the extent it needed to be. If I'm really into a guy on all levels, all he has to do is come near me, you know? Two people can grow together sexually as long as that essential "chemistry" is there. She's simply not the right woman for you. Consider it experience learned for the next time...and there will be a next time!
Author Ebeleptik38 Posted March 16, 2008 Author Posted March 16, 2008 So you feel like crap but aren't heartbroken.... You "satisfied" her but only occasionally yourself.... You think she thought you "suck" in bed.... Hmm...sounds like my marriage Lots of fish out there who won't think you suck but rather will want to suck you. Proceed HAHAHA oh man...you made me smile, good lookin out Car. Can't wait to shake this one off, man was I into her, just hope the next one comes soon!
Author Ebeleptik38 Posted March 16, 2008 Author Posted March 16, 2008 Don't beat yourself up about the sex part. I don't think the fact that you were "rusty" has a thing to do with it. It sounds as if the chemistry just wasn't there, or at least not to the extent it needed to be. If I'm really into a guy on all levels, all he has to do is come near me, you know? Two people can grow together sexually as long as that essential "chemistry" is there. She's simply not the right woman for you. Consider it experience learned for the next time...and there will be a next time! yeah, I really need to drill this one into my head....Thanks Garnet its really hard for me to think straight in the face of rejection. I should be a rock when it comes to myself and knowing that i am asset to all the beautiful women out there...well I'm single ladies...lol
Star Gazer Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 Okay, the nice take: I dated a guy a few years back who I had great chemistry with, until we got into bed. Great guys for sure, but you just can't force that kind of sexual chemistry, ya know? The harsh reality: It doesn't matter if you're experienced or not... most people will want a partner who's more "satisfactory" than simply being "decent" in bed. Ya gotta be GOOD, man! And part of this is involves YOU being able to get off too. Who wants to be with someone they can't satisfy themselves? Put yourself in her shoes. If/when I'm with a guy and he can't come, it makes me feel bad...and part of my lust for him diminishes. Does that make sense?
carhill Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 The flipside is when the cows next door turn their heads when you blow the windows out the house from your orgasm, and your wife calmly asks "did you come?", you know you're in trouble
Author Ebeleptik38 Posted March 17, 2008 Author Posted March 17, 2008 Well SG it couldn't of been just decent if i made her come everytime, but I can understand your point if I'm not coming too and how it would make it seem kind of odd. I guess its just my whole comfort level after not having sex for so long.
backspn Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Would be nice if people loved each other for who they are. Caring, loving and good people, not for how well they perform in bed. Later in life you will want a good man in your life.
Mary3 Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 I can answer this honestly and candidly. Met a guy , very attractive , went out on some dates. He was not an extremely affectionate kisser and caresser so I wondered how the bedroom part would go. We got into bed and he was not long on foreplay before he was * ready * however I wasnt quite warmed up. Because I was not sufficiently turned on mentally and physically , him going inside was very uncomfortable . This happened on 3 occasions wherein he finally said " Are you NOT enjoying this ? " Um my answer was NO I'm not but not to his face. .. He got the drift that I did not enjoy the sex but understanding that sex is a very mental process , how we feel , how you make us feel , how we feel about you as a man , a lover , the whole thing. I am just personally someone who enjoys the foreplay and a man who's enjoying turning me on. Regarding the OP : If you were a bit rusty , thats not a big deal, we can work with rusty If you took lots of time with her , thats a big deal , If you were able to bring her to orgasm : awesome . If you were able to finish yourself , thats great too. If you are asking how she could lose attraction in the bedroom , maybe its as simple as the way you touched her , kissed her or a million other things. But PLEASE don't give up on yourself. Get out there and batter up ! Pretty soon you will feel more at ease more confidant and EVERY woman is different and each will require something else. PLEASE do not let one experience dictate whether you think you suck in bed or not. Let us decide I mean lol let women individually decide when they become intimate with you
Author Ebeleptik38 Posted March 17, 2008 Author Posted March 17, 2008 I can answer this honestly and candidly. Met a guy , very attractive , went out on some dates. He was not an extremely affectionate kisser and caresser so I wondered how the bedroom part would go. We got into bed and he was not long on foreplay before he was * ready * however I wasnt quite warmed up. Because I was not sufficiently turned on mentally and physically , him going inside was very uncomfortable . This happened on 3 occasions wherein he finally said " Are you NOT enjoying this ? " Um my answer was NO I'm not but not to his face. .. He got the drift that I did not enjoy the sex but understanding that sex is a very mental process , how we feel , how you make us feel , how we feel about you as a man , a lover , the whole thing. I am just personally someone who enjoys the foreplay and a man who's enjoying turning me on. Regarding the OP : If you were a bit rusty , thats not a big deal, we can work with rusty If you took lots of time with her , thats a big deal , If you were able to bring her to orgasm : awesome . If you were able to finish yourself , thats great too. If you are asking how she could lose attraction in the bedroom , maybe its as simple as the way you touched her , kissed her or a million other things. But PLEASE don't give up on yourself. Get out there and batter up ! Pretty soon you will feel more at ease more confidant and EVERY woman is different and each will require something else. PLEASE do not let one experience dictate whether you think you suck in bed or not. Let us decide I mean lol let women individually decide when they become intimate with you I have always been a great lover.... so I think and I definately can be romantic or just rough depending on how I feel. Your right...because I have had sex with someone where it just felt great all around...physically, and mentally. But I have always been the more catering person in bed . But I'm glad to hear your perspective, I'm sure maybe she just felt like the chemistry wasn't there...idk sometimes it's hard for me to not take it the wrong way when I think about this. But your right, I'm not going ot benefit from dwelling on this one. Thanks for the cheer-up Mary
tanbark813 Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Nah, I'm not going to laugh at you, bro. Just chalk this up as a learning experience. We've all been there. Definitely listen to your gut in the future. As for the sex, sexual compatibility is a two-way street. I'm sure I've been better with some girls than I have with others. It's a combination of physical chemistry, emotions, attraction level, how well you figure out what each other likes, etc...
carrot10 Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 I don't mean to pry but I was wondering... why didn't you finish? Is it because you wanted to please her first or what? The guy I'm dating does the same thing. It makes me feel like I can't please him. Not trying to change the subject of your post but I had to ask! I hope you don't mind answering.. Thanks!
Author Ebeleptik38 Posted March 17, 2008 Author Posted March 17, 2008 Well...after not having sex for 3 yrs....idk...I tihnk I was really nervous the first coupld times. I also did the same thing with my ex-gf, i used to just have sex for a long time....25-45 minutes and never orgasm. After like our 5-6th time I finally finished...and then right after went 3 more times! It was weird...everytime I initiate with a new girl..I seem to never finish...and if I know I'm not getting there I usually just make sure I please her. But in a way it's gotta be a combination of first time awkwardness and me wanting to be a stallion in bed But I know how a woman can easily get the idea that she can't please her man, and if that was the case in my situation, I already know I made it very clear that it wasn't her it was me. I haven't always been the most sexually promiscuous guy, and usually one night stands don't go well for me either. More than ever I want to have sex a little more consistanly so maybe I can have a better more casual sexlife...just gotta find that chemistry er sumthin.
carrot10 Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 Thanks for answering that for me. I hope everything works out for you-you seem like a really nice guy!
Author Ebeleptik38 Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 hahha no problem. I am a nice guy...maybe thats my problem haha j/k
Mary3 Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 So what does that mean when a guy can't come for a long time ? I was with a guy like that...He could never come it seemed. Was it me ? Was he nervous ? Or was that just him ~ taking a long time to come ?
carhill Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 For me it was a matter of relaxation. I found fantasy worked good until I could better be in the moment. Reflecting, I think most of my issues revolved around the particular relationships and my comfort level in them. All men are wired differently. Some guys just use a vagina/mouth for masturbation. Others have varying levels of emotional involvement. Sometimes too much of the latter can cause problems. IMO, if a guy can orgasm quickly from masturbation, he doesn't have a physical impediment; hence, it is mental/emotional. I've noted this issue to be more prevalent now that my wife and I are in MC and working out our relationship issues. As I tend to take things in more deeply mentally and emotionally, I sometimes get this block where it's hard to just let go of the stuff. It's not her issue, rather mine.
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