Need interpreting her email

[beinguptogood]

Recently I had lunch with a woman I have deeply admired for some time. It was purely business related. The next day I emailed her to let her know of my admiration for her and interest in knowing her more personally.

 

My confidence in emailing her was based on my past experience of her preening in my company, and on the fact that women tend to find my appearance to be very attractive, and also in light of our having similar interests and ambitions.

 

I then regretted sending the email after not having received any reply, and on the following day I emailed her again to apologise, explaining my behaviour as inappropriate, impulsive, selfish, etc. I told her I did not regret the way I felt but only the way I dealt with it.

 

She then replied to my emails, reassuring me that I need not feel ashamed for sending the email. She said she was “not entirely sure how to respond”, but said she found my admiration “flattering”, and added that impulsiveness is not always a bad thing, because it can help us grasp opportunity as they arise, even if they don’t work out as we’d hoped.

 

She indicated as “pretty interesting” something about my personal history I’d mentioned in my apology in order to justify or excuse my ‘challenged’ inter-personal skills. Based on what I know about her I reckon this interest is because it might be something we share in common.

 

She then said in regards to her being “clear,” that (1) “anything more than friendship is unlikely for the simple fact that I’m already involved with someone else,” and (2) “But, it would be good to catch up and talk over a drink or coffee sometime,” and finally (3) “And as you know, I don’t bull**** much so I do mean that”.

 

Could you please advise me on how I should interpret these last three sentences of hers, overall? Do you think her use of “unlikely” in (1) is intentionally ambiguous? She could have been more absolutist. Similarly, in saying that her reason for our remaining friends is “the simple fact that …,” is she suggesting that were she not presently in a relationship she might consider my offer? Or is she simply being polite by not saying straight out that she has no interest in me? In light of (2) and (3) I’m not sure.

 

Anyway I replied to her email by thanking her for her understanding response, and by accepting her offer to meet some time to chat. I left it at that.

 

Thankyou

[Taramere]

It was a nice, straightforward response I thought. She knows you're interested, and she's letting you know that nothing's liable to come of that as she's already involved with someone. She's interested in staying in touch, which suggests she possibly sees you as an interesting possibility if her current relationship falls through.

 

I know that's not tremendously flattering, but being realistic - from a female perspective (and I know I can't speak for all women etc etc) someone you're happily in a relationship with is bound to take priority over other interested people. At the same time, being realistic again, we can never be sure that relationships, however good they seem, will last forever - so it makes no sense to completely slam the door on other attractive options.

 

She's been straight with you, and there's no sense of her trying to string you along here. You shouldn't get hung up on this woman or invest much time in thinking about her as long as she' involved with someone else. I'm sure she would be appalled if you did. For you too, she's a possible option if her relationship ends, so it seems worth maintaining some level of very light contact with her - but stay alert to other options.

[Walk]

My interpretation:

 

She likes the attention, but she isn't going to dump her partner for you.

 

Basically, if you want to have coffee as friends, she'll be happy to let you flirt with her and make her feel attractive, but in the end she'll go back to her bf.

[Tony T]

This lady is not interested in anything more than friendship with you...how could she possibly be more clear?

 

Now, if you hadn't written that email but rather backed off a while you would have had a much better chance with this lady in time. Women are flattered but very unattracted to men who pour their hearts out so quickly after going out and particularly when the lunch was BUSINESS. Females are mostly sick as hell of getting hit on while they're out there trying to make it in the business world.

 

It's not likely she will be eager to have lunch with you again very soon. Waiting a few months before approaching that sort of thing again. Meanwhile, when you become interested in a female find out in very short order if she is in a committed relationship. That saves a LOT of embarrassment.

 

When somebody doesn't answer your Email, sometimes that's the most truthful answer you can't possibly get. Start paying attention!!!

[AussieJack]

Recently I had lunch with a woman I have deeply admired for some time. It was purely business related. The next day I emailed her to let her know of my admiration for her and interest in knowing her more personally.

 

 

Geez,here we go again,

This is getting tedious. You are missing two points here-

 

* Emailing her and expressing your "admiration" for her was OK, but then when she did not respond with an acknowledgement, you PANICKED, lost your nerve and went into damage control by APOLOGIZING for pete's sake. WTF were you thinking ?. You are a grown man, and you are APOLOGIZING for being a MAN who is pursuing a woman. When did you lose yourself ? Women love male attention like this ..

Never, Ever second guess your manly inclinations or your masculine actions if they came from your HEART.

 

* Next - she is telling you that she is "spoken for". That means the end of the road for you .. Men should never get into rivalry for a woman..Someone always get hurt badly and if you are guy #2 it is likely to be you.

She wins double for a while because a triangle like this places the woman up on a pedestal and you two dummies compete for her. Nice EGO-gasm for her but painful for you two.

 

Spend your energies on an AVAILABLE woman or three..

[beinguptogood]

I think you all would agree that I should not pursue anything more than friendship with this woman.

 

I'm fine with that. Indeed the reason I first emailed her was to indicate that I found it difficult to express that I desired her friendship without giving her the impression I wanted something more intimate, as in sexual.

 

This is what I said: "You see, to put it mildly, I genuinely find you very interesting, and I would very much like to get to know you more personally"

 

I then indicated to her pretty much what I just said to you about my concern that she might take it to mean I want a sexual relationship, and that this is why I find it difficult to ask her out for coffee etc. In fact, whilst I would not turn a sexual relationship down with her, by "more personally" I did not necessarily have that in mind. Maybe I was intentionally unclear, yet in an unconscious sort of way.

 

Anyway, I tend to agree with Taramere that this woman somehow wants to keep the door open.

 

Thank you all so much

[mortensorchid]

Email really isn't a great medium for keeping things as clear and distinct as a phone call or seeing each other face to face. It frees you in many ways, but also puts enough of a distance between you two. She sounds like she's interested in being your friend, but she's keeping the door open should her other interest not pan out. If things change, say that you want to speak face to face or talk on the phone about it. Otherwise, if you start your relationship based on correspondence, chances are she will feel free enough to tell you via email that she wants out, which is a terrible thing to do. Believe me, I've had people break up with me via email because they are such cowards.

[whichwayisup]

She then said in regards to her being “clear,” that (1) “anything more than friendship is unlikely for the simple fact that I’m already involved with someone else,” and (2) “But, it would be good to catch up and talk over a drink or coffee sometime,” and finally (3) “And as you know, I don’t bull**** much so I do mean that”.

 

Basically, it means you're in the friend zone.

[gfto]

She is not leaving the door open. It was a complete rejection. Don't waste your time on coffee, unless you just want to stroke her ego.

[AussieJack]

I'm fine with that. Indeed the reason I first emailed her was to indicate that I found it difficult to express that I desired her friendship without giving her the impression I wanted something more intimate, as in sexual.

 

OK - here we go - another guy PRETENDING that he wants "friendship" in an attempt to weedle his miserable way into a woman's life in order to get close enough to try to convert her affection into sexual attraction.

Guys - quit lying like this ..Women know what we want, and we know what we want- why be DISHONEST about it. AND when did we start being COVERT like this ? THat is for women, not MEN. .

[beinguptogood]

I like your attitude Aussiejack, sincerely. And I tend to agree with your perspective on my masculinity, or lack thereof. But I nevertheless do not think it is universally problematic, but only insofar as some females take advantage of their power. Remember though that not all females do this, and so we can always look out for them and remain the men we are.

 

[AussieJack]

...some females take advantage of their power. Remember though that not all females do this, and so we can always look out for them and remain the men we are.

 

 

Women only have ONE agency of power in the dating game and we all know what that is.

Yes, a lot of them do abuse it and some do not. The way for a man to deal with women misusing their sexual "favors" is is for us to STOP thinking that sex is a "favor" and walk away if we encounter "bartering".

SEx is a spontaneous physical outworking of an emotional stimulus...and it should be NEVER be negotiated. Sex with a woman is NOT a reward or a gift to men. That is either manipulation or prostitution.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Being, she likes your company and the attention but does not want to date you. If you are interested in dating her, you may want to rethink the coffee dates or any other dates. You'll basically be spending money on someone who isn't going to date you.