blue16 Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 I'm in my early 20's and I enjoy using online dating as a compliment to meeting girls by real world by circumstance. I've had some success, dated a couple women from online sites for a month or two and haven't had any infamous horror stories like we've all heard. The thing is that a lot of times I'm not sure how to proceed in the online world. You msg them, they msg you back. Vice versa for a couple tries. Then what? What I have been doing is adding them to MSN or something to get to know them better and if that goes smoothly then arranging a date. However, I've come across 2 problems with this approach. 1) MSN is very impersonal so you don't get to know the real person - you might miss out on a great opportunity because you didn't 'click' over the internet the first few minutes but in real life it could've been a different story. 2) Not all girls use MSN often. I've had some pleasant msgs back and forth over a site but then added them to MSN and see them like once a week! It's hard to build up any kind of connection when you are never in contact with them. I was thinking a better approach might be too get their phone number right away and talk on the phone? or would that be too forward. The other issue is that I have almost what I would call a phobia of the phone. I have an occasional speech impediment which seems to only get worse on the fone especially in situations where I am nervous/don't know the person very well. There are only a select few people that I talk to on the phone on a regular basis where I can carry on a lengthy conversation without stumbling over my words much. I have absolutely no problem meeting up with people IN PERSON and I have no problem carrying on conversations in that manner. In fact, most of the people I have met online I didn't even talk to on the phone beforehand and they seemed kinda confused as to why I avoided any attempts to talk before actually meeting up lol. I don't want to ramble so I'll cut it down to a few questions... Is there anything wrong with my approach now? (ie. add on msn, chat a little bit then plan a date after a few successful 'IM' sessions) Should I ask for their number and take the conversation to the phone right away? Just flat out meet up ASAP without any fluff talk on MSN? Do I need to become accustomed to using the phone to succeed? Should I see a therapist about it if it bothers me that much? Thank you!
xpaperxcutx Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 I don't think theres anything wrong with your approach towards online dating. There are no strict rules to online dating, its actually quite simple, and depends on how each individual carries it out. In your case, I really don't see anything wrong with how you handle meeting up with a stranger. Every conversation does start out with a few messages back and forth to see whether you would be comfortable with iming them. From there onwards you move on towards asking them for their numbers when you've gotten to know them enough to give out contact info. I don't think it's a great idea to just come right with asking ppl for their numbers because it would be considered rude and creepy. Alot of people nowadays are very paranoid about stalkers and identity theft and whatnot, so until they're comfortable with telling you their#, don't rush out there asking for it. When people give out their numbers, they'd expect a call. I suppose in your case, it does require you to give them one. I understand how hard it is to talk over the phone, but most females would love to hear the voice of the opposite male, to kinda get the sense of what kind of person he is before the first meeting. You don't need to talk alot, try to maintain it in a 15- 20 minute time frame, to give an impression. After that, you can always maintain contact by text message. I find alot of men prefer text messaging. I really don't think you need to see a therapist. IF anything, try getting some books on speech making, any self help books that deal with talking to people. I find thinking about you're going to say before you actually say it is a great way to carry on a conversation. But you shouldn't apply it when you actually meet the person, because it might come off as if you're trying too hard.
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