kylewheat698 Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 Hi all I'm new here. Just like the rest of you I'm trying to take my mind off of things, and maybe find a few answers. So my girlfriend of two years broke up with me 2 weeks ago. We had one other break a little over a year ago, It lasted about a month. It was for kind of the same reason, which is no reason, lol. So we had just gotten back from vacation. She has no job at the moment so I paid for everything. Plane ticket, food, etc.... The second day back from vacation she tells me she wants to move back home. We talked about it and she re-assured me that we were fine. She said she just wanted to work on some things, like the fact that she hasn't worked for the last 4 months. She said she wanted to move home and concentrate on bettering herself. So she moves all her stuff back home, and things go on as normal. For the first 4 or 5 days she kept letting me know everything was fine between us. She was telling me how much she loved me and that one day we'd have a house of our own together. I am 28, and she is 23 by the way. Then about 4 days after she moves back home, a whole day goes by with no contact from her. So I finially get ahold of her later that night on the internet, because she wasn't answering her phone, and she says she needs a break from me. Which means a break up. We talked about it for a while, but she already had her mind made up. I tell her that I'll pack up the rest of her stuff and drop it off the next day. I get off work early the next day, and who do I find at my place. Her. She's packing up her stuff. I was upset at first but just told myself whatever. So she gets done packing and says to me "I don't know how to say this, but i'm taking the cat". We have two cats, both cats are ours. We got them together and they have lived at my place their whole life. She wants to take our 6 month old kitten. She thought it fair that I have one and she have one. My opinion differed since she was the one leaving, I thought she should leave them too. Anyway, I didn't let her have one, and she went on and on about how she hates me, blah, blah, blah.... She left. I feel bad for not letting her have one, they mean as much to me as they do to her, but i'm not the one who's walking out the door. This is really the first argument we've ever had as a couple, other than trivial things. I've been trying to keep busy. 5 days after that episode she apoligized for all the things she said and i basically said whatever. So we haven't talked since then, and it's been two weeks since we broke up. I wrote her a very brief e-mail saying how I missed her, and how i missed my best friend. I got a short reply back that said "My heart belongs somewhere else". I guess what I'm wondering is. Is this too early to even gauge how things are going to play out in the future? I love this girl, and she spent the last 2 years professing how much love she had for me. She's even been planning our wedding for the last 6 months. I'm just wondering how long it's going to be before she misses me. Nobody has ever treated her as good as me, She knows it and I know it. I'm trying to leave her be right now so i don't push her away. how much more time should i give her before seeing what she's up to? She is perfect for me, and i'm not prepared to give up on our love without a fight.
Prosecco Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 Brief reply only on the cat issue: If the cats have grown up together, it might have been unfair to split them. It's certainly not a decision that should have been made on the spot - so you did the right thing there. Pets are not just property that you can divide up equally - sometimes they're fine without each other, sometimes then pine. On the rest - I'd go non-contact with her. If she realises she's made a mistake, she'll let you know. If she's too proud to let you know, then she hasn't truly realised she's made a mistake, and it'll happen again in the future. Maybe if you leave it long enough, you'll both realise you are better off not seeing each other, or as friends. But there isn't anything you can do other than... letting go. (Sadly - trust me, I REALLY wish there was - I'd be doing it.)
City_girl Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 Yeah I agree with the cat issue. It all sounds very calculated to me. I wonder what my heart belongs somewhere else means? Hmmmm Up to you but I would do the no contact thing sweat it out. she sounds as tho she's completely emotionally dosconnected from you if she's prepared to let you come home with her stuff gone and you are minus one cat? any contact from you will only reinforce that and drive her further away.
Author kylewheat698 Posted March 16, 2008 Author Posted March 16, 2008 The "my heart belongs somewhere else comment", is just saying that she doesn't think that it belongs to me. she's very anti social, so she spends a lot of time on the internet looking for, or talking to guys when she's not with someone. I'm sure she does have someone that she's interested in by now, but I'm expecting that. She has some major issues, with work, and with her head. i've told people that she's bi polar but nobody will believe me. she does have anxiety issues, but i think the problem is more than this. the problem is that when she goes to the shrink she doesn't really talk to him. how are they supposed to know what you have if you don't explain what is going on in your life. she doesn't have a horirble case, but i do believe she has it. the mood swings are swift, and she goes from being depressed to happy in hours sometimes.
City_girl Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 Very dodgy ground diagnosing your gf with bipolar disorder, even more dodgy telling people about the issues that she has entrusted you with....I'm not sure how you think she's trawling the net looking for men when she's not with someone if she's been with you for two years. Maybe there's things your doing that she just doesn't trust you with or finds you unaproachable. I certainly would gather my stuff and legg it if a man I was involved with was telling people such things.
Author kylewheat698 Posted March 16, 2008 Author Posted March 16, 2008 when I said people I meant her parents. We've had many discussions on the topic. She did go to the hospital for these issues a year ago. It's a fact of life, she does have some deep rooted mental issues, that caused a lot of strain on our relationship. She is the one who has to realize it, or she'll never get help. I've lived with her for a year, and since she has no job, or friends, i've seen her every minute that I haven't been at work. i know for a fact she's been talking to people on the internet, it's what she does. i don't think i'm validating her trust bringing any issues up here on these boards. She'll never be here, or know anyone who is on here.
Prosecco Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 OK - much as you care about her, you are not responsible for her mental health or happiness. If she isn't trying to sort herself/your relationship out, then you shouldn't be bearing the burden alone. Personally - while it might be sad - you're better off out of this relationship so that you can try and build something with someone with fewer issues. You'll have more chance of success with a firmer foundation. If she comes back, and is willing to address her mental health issues - whether she's bipolar or not - then it's a good thing. In the mean time, you're free to move on with your life, and see the bad as well as the good. And if you meet someone with whom you can have something better - that's a good thing too. So for now- focus on moving on. The future is good.
vivrantflo Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 Maybe there's things your doing that she just doesn't trust you with or finds you unaproachable. I certainly would gather my stuff and legg it if a man I was involved with was telling people such things. Oh really.. so you're in that percentage of women that don't believe in working through issues?? Just pack your stuff and leave?? whatever... kylewheat698, your ex is young.. And I think you're right.. there's a high chance that there is someone else..Im 99% sure there's someone else.. women in that 18-23 age range do things like that. Ask for "time and space" and then a short while after that they're banging someone else. I know it hurts man, but Prosecco is right.. you dont need girl like this that has so many issues... and you dont want a girl that sits on the computer and talks to other men... You and I are the same age.. so dating women in the 25+ age range would be ideal! Good luck
Author kylewheat698 Posted March 17, 2008 Author Posted March 17, 2008 Well there is an old friend from highschool she's been talking to on the internet, he's in the military stationed in alaska. over the past few months i've noticed her talking to him online from time to time, and today when we talked i forced her to tell me. She said that he listened to her problems when she was in a time of stress, and feelings developed. so she dumped me because she fell for a guy who isn't coming back for like 2 years. he was probably telling her just what she wanted to hear, as when she seeks advice she is just looking to reaffirm what she belives in. now she talks to him every night, so i guess i consider that to be her new man. she still hates me for keeping the cat. even after everything i've done for her she chooses to hate me. i've never once yelled or demanded anything from her. We've hung out and enjoyed each others company every day for the last 2 years. either way she's going to regret he decision eventually. there is nobody that would be as tolerable as i was. there was a lot i had to put up with in our relationship, but the good always out weighed the bad. if a year down the road she realizes she made a mistake and wants to talk about things i'm always here for her. i guess all i can do right now is give her time, and hope that eventually she misses what we had. it was good and i know at one point she felt the same way about it that i did.
Author kylewheat698 Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 I guess she had what's called an emotional affair. Does anyone know how long things like these typicaly last? With the way her mood changes I'm guessing she'll get frustrated with it in about 2 months. I'm going to leave her be until I think enough time has passed. Who knows, if I find the right one by then I may just be contacting her to be friends. She loved our animals as much as I do and I know its killing her not to see them. I think I'm going to wait till the middle of the summer to see if she still harbors hatred for me. until then i'll work on improving myself, and if something comes along I'll roll with it. maybe she'll mature a bit by then, and see the grass isn't always greener.
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