backspn Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 (edited) Or is it over? She says its not over and she still has strong feelings for me. I have posted on here about 2 months ago after my GF said she wanted to slow down. We did that and things became much better for us. She works alot and we see each other once a week but when we do it is very nice. We both enjoy each others company tremendously. We both have real feelings for each other. We talk on the phone 4 times a week for at least 20 mins each time. We went on a date on Saturday and we had dinner then saw a movie together. We both agreed it was another great date, cuddling, kissing etc. She mentioned we should take a weekend trip soon and I agreed it would be nice. We had a date for an amusement park planned for today and she called me on Monday night telling me how excited she was to go with me. This Wednesday night she called me and told me that she wanted to be friends for now. She said she still has strong feelings for me and its not over, but its just wrong timing right now. I know she really enjoys being with me. I asked her if this is it, are we finished and she said we are not over. She said we could still talk and that she just needed time to think things through. She has a full life and her dad just had a biopsy done last week. I know she is stressed with work and life. She also said that she feels like she has nothing to give right now. With all the friendship and growing we have done over the last 3 months, am I doomed now since she wanted to be just friends for now? Is she just pulling away again? My female friend says that space, slow down and friends are just symantics. Is it over? What can I do here beside give her the space she wants. Will she pull back to me? This is the second time she has pushed away but she came back stronger to me. Edited March 15, 2008 by backspn
Balthazar Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 If you are not tired of playing mouse to her cat, you should do just that. Give her space, time and support and let her decide once more when she wants to come back and under what conditions. Alternatively, you could try straightening your backbone, standing up straight, ditching her, finding a better woman, and making sure you don't make the same mistakes you made with this one. Women really do not appreciate men they can walk all over, even if they say so.
carhill Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 She's immature. Relationships for mature people aren't just convenient to their whims, they're important parts of their life and they consider and value their partner and their partner's feelings. Your GF sounds like she's really not into you or lacks relationship experience. I'd step back and date other people. She won't know what she's missing until it's gone And, no, I would not be her emotional receptacle, aka "friend".
Author backspn Posted March 16, 2008 Author Posted March 16, 2008 I believe I found what the root of the problem is: Im 38 and she is 35 btw. When we first started dating I was planning on going to Nursing school then about the time of the first "slow down" talk I told her I was thinking of changing fields. I was working for a major corporation in SoCal while going to school. I am switching to a brand new career field (internship for 4 months) and will take a year to get back to where I was before but I will be happier in what I do for a living and will make way more income in the long run. During one of our talks last month, she asked me if I was transfering to the office up where Im moving and I told her no that I would be getting a new position at a new corporation soon. I know that was a stupid thing to admit to someone you're dating and not in stage 3 yet. I am transfering to the same company after all, in the same city where we both live, and I will intern 3 days a week. She does not know Im transfering as of yet. Should I tell her this when we talk? Could this be why she is having major doubts? This could be why she is so loving/affectionate to me when we went out this weekend but now is having doubts about security and being with me even though she wants a future with me. Am I way off?
carhill Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 I knew a woman like this. She was a really good friend. She wore me out but I loved her (as a friend) anyway. Her personality was part of the reason I never developed romantic feelings for her. She was just all over the place. Just so you know. We all have challenges. We all have jobs (I run a business). We all have crises (my mom has Alzheimer's). That's life. We still have relationships and they still take consistent effort, with our primary ones like family, spouses, SO's, etc, getting the most attention. Friends are important, even when busy. I figure out a way. If you are important in her life, she will balance her work, her father's health issues and her other obligations with time spent with you and interest in you. I have female friends that I can blow through an hour with on the phone while driving. Same with male friends if we're not working (and sometimes even if we are ). My take is both of you are very career and success oriented. That's really cool. It just may be a bit difficult to have a relationship when so many other things take precedence. When I was in that mode years ago building my business, working 16-18 hour days, I didn't have a relationship because no way would that be fair to anyone. Now, especially since my mom became ill, I work to live and don't worry about it. My life meaning changed. Now, you can educate me. What is stage 3 dating? My wife and I dated, then I put on a Santa suit and proposed, she said yes and we got married in Hawaii. Did I miss some stages? She knew about my business and what I did for a living even before we had our first lunch. That was back during the time when American Singles was new on the internet and the new 14.4 modems with the rage. We were pioneers Anyway, I must have not read the correct book... If my post comes off as contentious, I apologize. I'm just trying to make sense of your methodology here.... I'm hearing you're trying to find a strategy to get her to love you in an overt romantic way again. While others may disagree, IMO there is no strategy. Give it up. Free Mars Seriously, free her and, if she wants you, she will return. Over and out!
AussieJack Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 This could be why she is so loving/affectionate to me when we went out this weekend but now is having doubts about security and being with me even though she wants a future with me. Am I way off? You are lost in the "be nice and accomodating to women and they will like me" crap.. She is having doubts BECAUSE you are - * Too available * Not intriguing - therefor her IL is dropping. * No challenge * Lack confidence * Willing to mold yourself to her needs and her agenda * Confused and bewildered * Not aware of your own needs * Acting like she is the prize and you are lucky to have the winning ticket * Generally acting like a p*ssy whipped male who has no clue .. YOu want me to explain any of this to your sorry a$$ ?
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