Prosecco Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 (edited) Because it would be a damn sight easier. All I have is sadness, regrets and self doubt. He's never been anything but right - and the only anger I have is that he's done the right thing, and I would have stuck with something I misinterpreted out of weakness and hope. I have moments when I'm fine - when I'm thinking I'm glad he did the right thing. Then the rest is just how it's another example of how he is everything I want and wanted, and how I wasn't good enough to make him feel the same. How do you move beyond a relationship where everything was perfect on your side, and it only failed because the other person realised you weren't their 'one'? And were nice about it? And respects your need for non contact, and cares about you and generally wants your best interests? I just want to find SOMETHING bad to grip onto - to convince myself he wasn't all that. I can't find ONE damn thing. I was in a relationship for years. With my first love. And there were faults galore, and I could move on fairly swiftly, as even though it hurt, we both knew it wasn't right. This... hurts more - as it's harder to let go. Harder to convince myself to move on. Gah! i need someone to slap me. or something. Edited March 15, 2008 by Prosecco
City_girl Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 If I were there we could slap eachother, so sorry your going throught this. I am too, feeling pretty stupid and am alone but mine never really wanted me and is an ass. He is clearly a decent man and that's got to be worse because you have lost him and know the value of him. You are good enough though, someone else will want you. I don't know what the answers are for either of us but we lived without them before we met them and we can do it again. The love of my life died in my arms , I got over that you will get over this. You need to grieve and be as kind to yourself as you can be, his rejection should not mean you reject yourself. You are clearly a really nice person. Sending warm positive stuff your way
Author Prosecco Posted March 15, 2008 Author Posted March 15, 2008 Ouch - died in your arms? I guess life is very good at putting things in perspective. *hugs* Almost feel bad for feeling bad now! Grr - I'm just cross with myself for being this way. I KNOW it's not the end of the world, and I'll move on. It's simply that in all the relationships / people I've met - I've never met someone I clicked with on every level the way I did with this guy. I'm an ... eccentric personality wise, and rarely find guys attractive (I did wonder for a while if I were asexual) - so losing one of the rare blokes I fancy AND get on with... does leave me wondering if it'll be another many years before I find someone else. I have so much love to give - but dammit - no one wants it! *feeling a bit better after my earlier wallow*
wareagle Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 I know exactly how you feel, I want to hate her, call her names, wish the worst on her, but I can't bring myself to do that cause I love her more than anything. I was so good to her, I was the best thing to happen to her, I know this without a doubt, I gave everything I had to make this relationship work, but I could never make her happy. Nothing I did or said was ever good enough. I know she was insecure and had little self esteem when I met her but now she has grown so much in the last year and half. I know I wasn't perfect, hell who is, but it was no fun living day to day no being able to express my true feelings and concerns, without fearing she would walk out on me. She say's we aren't compatible and now that I am looking back on it she is right, and I think she made the right decision ending it. I think the age gap, I'm 36 she is 25 had alot to do with her not being able to communicate well with me. This is so hard, I know how you feel when you love someone so much and it isn't returned. Heartbreak is the worst feeling ever.
Kamille Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 How do you move beyond a relationship where everything was perfect on your side, and it only failed because the other person realised you weren't their 'one'? And were nice about it? And respects your need for non contact, and cares about you and generally wants your best interests? I just want to find SOMETHING bad to grip onto - to convince myself he wasn't all that. I can't find ONE damn thing. (...) we both knew it wasn't right. This... hurts more - as it's harder to let go. Harder to convince myself to move on. There is only one thing that will help you move beyond - Time. I think it says a lot about you that you are able to recognize somebody else's beauty, even after he hurt you. And the good thing is, you aren't bitter - so you're most likely settling in just the right dynamic to meet someone great: now you know better what it is that you want in a relationship. But I know, this pain you are going through must feel unjustified. You must go through it to heal, no way around it. I like to say that heartbreaks are like bad colds: you get a fever, you ache all over, you feel like they're never going to end and when they finally do, you cough for a month. I really wish relationships weren't so complicated.
LuCidiTy Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 Ugh, Prosecco...some weird telepathic stuff happening...see my reply to Kamille and you in my let-you-down easy topic. There's that anger thing in there too. I can't be angry either, but I wonder if we could, would it really make it easier or do we just think so because we're looking for relief from the sadness and the simply inexplicable vacuum? City_Girl...so sorry to hear about your love. I can relate to the love of my life dying...though not in my arms. That's simply too sad to even contemplate, though in a way beautiful too...to know you were there with him at the end. And yes Prosecco, it does put things into perspective, doesn't it?
miami45uconn Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 I just would Love to say screw these people who have someone who adores them and they dont even flinch.
audrey_1 Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 I just would Love to say screw these people who have someone who adores them and they dont even flinch. Yes, difficult to understand.
City_girl Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 Ouch - died in your arms? I guess life is very good at putting things in perspective. *hugs* Almost feel bad for feeling bad now! Grr - I'm just cross with myself for being this way. I KNOW it's not the end of the world, and I'll move on. It's simply that in all the relationships / people I've met - I've never met someone I clicked with on every level the way I did with this guy. I'm an ... eccentric personality wise, and rarely find guys attractive (I did wonder for a while if I were asexual) - so losing one of the rare blokes I fancy AND get on with... does leave me wondering if it'll be another many years before I find someone else. I have so much love to give - but dammit - no one wants it! * I am the same never meet a man I fancy so tend to bond with the ones I do, or should I say bond too. My problem seems to be they never want to leave me but treat me so badly I have to dump them. I know I am too open hearted and honest. I know I am such a decent person that they can't dump me but it sucks lol. I give up on men in general. You will be ok, I will be ok, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger , chin up
City_girl Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 Ugh, Prosecco...some weird telepathic stuff happening...see my reply to Kamille and you in my let-you-down easy topic. There's that anger thing in there too. I can't be angry either, but I wonder if we could, would it really make it easier or do we just think so because we're looking for relief from the sadness and the simply inexplicable vacuum? City_Girl...so sorry to hear about your love. I can relate to the love of my life dying...though not in my arms. That's simply too sad to even contemplate, though in a way beautiful too...to know you were there with him at the end. And yes Prosecco, it does put things into perspective, doesn't it? So sorry to hear you too LUC, found myself lying in bed the other night telling him I wish he was here. He would never have abused my soft nature. He loved my childlike openess and protected my emotions , cared so deeply for me. My last guy couldn't even hold a candle to him. I guess I am filling a void, just need to feel loved. Is it such a crime? I despair of men who find the need to give and recieve love as being needy.
LuCidiTy Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 So sorry to hear you too LUC, found myself lying in bed the other night telling him I wish he was here. He would never have abused my soft nature. He loved my childlike openess and protected my emotions , cared so deeply for me. My last guy couldn't even hold a candle to him. I guess I am filling a void, just need to feel loved. Is it such a crime? I despair of men who find the need to give and recieve love as being needy. I still talk to mine too...some days I think he and my mom are up there in heaven sitting on a fluffy cloud and making mischief for sure. In my case, it's been many, many years, almost 22, so I can be semi-nonsensical and even smile about it now, but at the core, I still miss him and it still hurts. I compared every man I met to him and what I felt for them to what I felt for him...probably sabotaged my life because of that...and then married the next man I dated seriously knowing I didn't love him the same way and thinking, hoping that one day I might, but in the end we both paid the price for that and wasted many years. Recently, for only the second time in my life, I felt it again...that love so deep, so good, so real...in the same way I felt with the one who died. I had finally let down my guard and tossed away all fears, was feeling blessed to be given a second chance, but now I've probably lost him too, for reasons beyond anyone's control. You know, sometimes life just sucks. There's not a damn thing wrong with wanting and needing to feel loved. For most of us it's as natural and as necessary as breathing. And not finding it for real, in that way that can be returned to us without thought and unconditionally, makes us prone to settle for little snippets of it here and there. But nothing beats the real thing once you've felt it. Nothing. Men who find giving and receiving love needy aren't worth a second thought...no matter how many of the other snippets we think they're capable of providing or voids we think they might be able to fill. They don't understand and probably never will.
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