What on earth is he up to?

[shenandoah]

Ok, so i lived with my ex for 3 years from when i was 20. We were very much in love, moved in together after 2 months and started talking about marriage. we were happy and we moved into an apartment and then we experienced money troubles (unable to pay our bills and rent) and ended up falling out and fought bitterly for a year until i told him i wanted to move out, but still stay together.

 

In the time from me saying i wanted to move out from actually going, we ripped each other apart with fights. i was witholding sex from him, refused to touch him, refusing to clean our home to spite him. He was pressuring me over money and telling me i had better start cleaning up or else and stop spending money we didn't have on going out. So we stopped going out. We were fighting over everything and had no money and both racked up huge debts that we couldn't repay. i decided that i'd made a mistake in splitting up from my then ex and getting involved in the mess i was now in and told him i still thought i loved my ex- i now cringe at my insensitivity! he took it well and said as long as i still loved him, that it was ok to feel confused. We continued to argue and finally, he told me he loved me but couldnt take it from me anymore and unless i changed then we would split. i said whatever. After i moved out across the street, we continued to argue, with him witholding my stuff and mail from me until i paid what he believed was money that i owed him. We eventually totally fell out and lost contact anyway when he moved away. i tried to talk to him one time, and he said "don't speak to me". So the message was clear.

 

Two years later he came back to my hometown to visit and bumped into a friend of ours. He asked after my father and my friend said he had died. my ex was pretty shocked and tracked me down on email and wrote a couple of lines saying he was sorry and he liked my father a lot. He also liked me a lot too. i was surprised to hear from him after this time, but replied in a civil way. he replied saying that it was time to bury the hatchet maybe and grow up. that he enjoyed our time together it just was that it lasted too long and had good memories and had been thinking about me and how terrible the loss must have been for us all so decided to get in contact, that he had been angry for a long time at me, so didnt feel he was able to talk to me anymore. i replied warmly saying that look, i was sorry and i was out of order too and yes lets grow up and i said i knew i'd done a lot of wrong by him and i know i hurt him.

 

i expected a reply- but he ignored me! i felt a fool and was furious and never heard from him again.

 

then a year later- this feb-- he mailed me on valentines day- as if we were best buddies, saying "hi!! so, hows it going for you then? last email i tried bounced back so i tried your old one, anyway, i've had a year of it, i've moved again, now i've started a new job, but i'm not happy in it...hey- hows it going with your college!" etc...

 

What the hell?

 

i replied friendly, then he answered back saying these strange things, about how he always liked me despite everything he likes me for who i am, how i'm sexy, funny and that any problems i had i could work out cos i'm smart and talented, and said he was glad i was in college too and making something of myself now, hey maybe we should meet up so he can see how i've changed? This was way unusual for him. i kept on being friendly and was cautious of him trying to make a fool of me again by ignoring me.

 

He never replied but he added me on myspace. i messaged him on there saying i'd thought it over and i did want to meet. he told me that he'd let me know over the weekend if he was driving up my way regularly anyway for kung fu training. (its about 100 miles). i asked him why on earth hed be driving by my way for that, wasn't it too far? i didn't know how he could be bothered!

 

he replied with, "yeah well, if its for something that i really like, then nowhere is too far." i said when then? He told me his car had been broken into and he had to get it fixed so hed let me know. A week later he told me he hadnt got it sorted, maybe next week? in that week i started to really feel weird, i'd always felt bad about the way things ended, and i know i took him for granted. but the fact he wanted to see me again, made me feel weird. at first i didnt want to see him, but now i did, but i wondered what on earth he wanted with me and why? he used to resent me and he dumped me!

 

So, that week, i chatted to him on there, left comments etc, but he only replied sometimes and never got back to me about the car. I got annoyed and i confronted him asking if he was messing me about and he swore that no, he still wanted to meet up, and was saving the conversation for when we get together, it was just a case of when. i waited two weeks all the time getting more into the idea of seeing him. by now i really wanted to. He was leaving me comments and stuff on myspace but whenever i'd try and get a conversation going, hed just break it off.

 

He got back to me this week saying that his car was a write off and that he might be buying another, but only if his class continues, he was waiting to hear back. otherwise he had no need for a car in the city, so wouldnt be coming. if it does, he'll keep on coming over and seeing me.

 

I think he's telling the truth, but i just lost it that he'd sent me such a cryptic reply and kept me waiting 5 weeks! What on earth is he playing at? i asked him what was going on and why he was ignoring me, despite starting exchanges, and told him that i was suspicious he was mucking me around and to be honest i couldnt see why he wanted to see me after the way it ended and how much he hated me and i admitted i was suspicious of him. He replied saying that he's not messing about, he wants to see me, for the same reason he dated me-he really likes me, that there was no reason to be suspicious of him and he couldnt understand why i am.

 

i sent him a message saying i liked him too and explaing why i felt as though he didnt want to talk and that he was holding me at arms length so thats why i felt he was.

he replied with "ah okay, thanks:)" What on earth is he trying to do? i know i hurt him but this is ridiculous and i feel like he's testing me somehow!

Edited March 15, 2008 by shenandoah

[carhill]

So, has kung fu man ever heard of rental cars?

 

Head games and sounds like he's a multi-level black belt at it. You know, people can change. It's possible that the man who took your admitted abuse a few years ago has changed.

 

I'll be curious to see what other LS'ers say...

[shenandoah]

yeah well, i guess it was abuse. i took advantage, my last bf before him was unreliable and put me last. i told his mom that i was worried about it going wrong. she said "what? hed never have an affair or run out on you, he would never!" i guess i took advantage of that.

 

i've got my own theory on what i think he might be doing, but yeah be interesting to see what other's take on it is.

Edited March 15, 2008 by shenandoah