underpants Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 Hey, Is it so crazy or outrageous to just come clean and say what it is that you want and also to ask the other what it is that they would like in a relationship? Is that just nuts? Of course there is that getting to know you phase. I love that part. You can ask, set up obstacles, and do the math. Don't think for one second that the other party does not have their own calculator. It is better to share and do the math together (IMHO). So many times it is super eggshell walking because of those 'lurvy feelings of attraction'. So many posts are people questioning themselves because they did not assert their personhood soon enough, for a fear of being rejected, or rockin' the boat and ultimate rejection. If you don't love yourself, no one else will. Now don't be a cocky a'hole or a'holey, but do let others' in and in turn listen and respect their viewpoints. There is much to be said for communication wherever it may take you. Discuss?
Trialbyfire Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 I actually prefer to guess and guess and guess, 'cause it's far more fun that way. You do this until you're so stressed out, you think, hey, I'm not having fun anymore, kick yourself and move on.
Touche Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 Wow, couldn't disagree with you more TBF. Been there done that. No thank you. Undies, your question is one I used to ask myself all the time..all the time. I decided that if I ever met a man that I had that kind of communication with, I'd marry him...and I did. I hate riddles. I hate guessing. Just lay it all out on the table and tell me what you're about and I'll do the same. Works for me.
Trialbyfire Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 Haha...as if I was serious Touche. There's a time to lay everything on the table, and a time not to. Hell if I know when to and when not to. Even if you do, it doesn't seem to help.
AriaIncognito Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 I'm a lay my cards on the table kinda gal. I can't be bothered with the games or the guessing. If you want me, tell me. If i want you, I'll tell you. Shouldn't have to guess about it.
Touche Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 I'm a lay my cards on the table kinda gal. I can't be bothered with the games or the guessing. If you want me, tell me. If i want you, I'll tell you. Shouldn't have to guess about it. A woman after my own heart. And TBF, I knew you were saying it kind of tongue in cheek, but really you like more mystery don't you? I don't want mystery in my man. If I want mystery I'll watch a Hitchcok movie. And you're wrong...with the RIGHT man, laying your cards on the table is never the wrong thing to do and there's never a wrong time to do it.
Author underpants Posted March 15, 2008 Author Posted March 15, 2008 Oh Ladies, I've dated and dated. I've had relationship after relationship with years in between. I've done the introspection thing until I'm inside out. I almost don't care anymore. Well, except for sex. Seriously, where is Hope? ...and how can I strangle her and thank her at the same time? Sometimes through hindsight I wish I could go back and have a talk with my younger self and so that is why I posted the thread. There is much fun in 'playing'. Heck, I am a HUGE funtard. However, there is just something so very special about acknowleding that side mixed with a genuine person on the same ultimate path. I do think open and honest (with ourselves first) communication is the key. The mysterious, charasmatic DUDe...been there done that. In a way I learned from it. I can make taking out the trash dramatic. For gosh sakes, I had a bubble crisis last night. I like no deal breaker (or threat of deal breaker) drama. Even then in small doses. Do I think you need to lay all the cards on the table upfront. Nah...but do show one card at a time, then let them show a card, and take a journey/play a hand. Be careful where you step/what you bet and always be aware until you BOTH decide to jump off the cliff/reveal the hands. I don't know if it is any help, but it is where I'm at. Peace and Happy St. Patrick's Day,
Trialbyfire Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 +1 for the death of Hope. She laughs at us, you know... So, what does one do when you've each laid one card down at a time, even stuck one card on your forehead, and the other person then grabs all the cards but won't bet?
Author underpants Posted March 15, 2008 Author Posted March 15, 2008 Undies, your question is one I used to ask myself all the time..all the time. I decided that if I ever met a man that I had that kind of communication with, I'd marry him...and I did. I had to address this. I gotta say peeps once you find your true core (you ask yourself the hard questions, and you answer them UNSELFISLY), then you can radiate the appropriate questions with a keen eye on observation. Of course, communication is key (to attaining and weeding), but awareness is sublime. Shared awarness with do'able compromises, well, that is just super duper sumblime. Am I doing okay?
Touche Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 +1 for the death of Hope. She laughs at us, you know... So, what does one do when you've each laid one card down at a time, even stuck one card on your forehead, and the other person then grabs all the cards but won't bet? You walk away from the table. (You gottal know when to fold 'em, know when to hold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run...)
Touche Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 I had to address this. I gotta say peeps once you find your true core (you ask yourself the hard questions, and you answer them UNSELFISLY), then you can radiate the appropriate questions with a keen eye on observation. Of course, communication is key (to attaining and weeding), but awareness is sublime. Shared awarness with do'able compromises, well, that is just super duper sumblime. Am I doing okay? You're doing more than ok. You're light years ahead of most. (Well, except for the pooping issue.)
Trialbyfire Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 You walk away from the table. (You gottal know when to fold 'em, know when to hold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run...) That's good advice Touche. Sometimes it's best to say, screw the game. Surprisingly, in business, negotiation is one of my things. Too bad it doesn't translate to relationships.
Touche Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 That's good advice Touche. Sometimes it's best to say, screw the game. Surprisingly, in business, negotiation is one of my things. Too bad it doesn't translate to relationships. I disagree. Negotiation/compromise is a huge part of any good relationship. If you find that you don't succeed with your negotiation skills in a relationship, it's like any bad business deal..you walk away from it.
Trialbyfire Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 I disagree. Negotiation/compromise is a huge part of any good relationship. If you find that you don't succeed with your negotiation skills in a relationship, it's like any bad business deal..you walk away from it. Sometimes though, like any thirteenth hour negotiation, you don't have a choice. You're forced to hammer out a deal, whether it's 5 p.m. or 5 a.m. the next morning. To walk could be very costly.
Touche Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 (edited) At what cost do you hammer out a deal? At all costs? No. There has to be a pay off in the end or there's no negotiation and no deal. ROI, you know. No deal is better than a bad one. And yes, walking away can be costly..but a bad deal can hurt even more in the end. Edited March 15, 2008 by Touche
Trialbyfire Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 Well, if you mention ROI, of course it will make sense to me. Things to ponder about relationship discussion/negotiation/compromise.
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