brandon Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 so i was hoping to get your thoughts on this situation. we met two weeks ago at a friend's cottage getaway and really hit it off. one of the other guys brought her (she went to the same university as him) and after everybody had gone to bed we got a little intimate...the next day, much of the same while everybody went out and had fun in the snow, we stayed in and the chemistry was really awesome. but because she lived four hrs away and we had friends in common, i suggested that we not tell anybody about what happened although i think they must have suspected. we talked on the phone all the time and were planning for her to come visit since once a week she has to be in a city just 30 minutes away from me. in the meantime, the guy who originally brought her asked me if anything happened. i said no. he asked if he could ask her out...not thinking that anything would happen, i told him to go ahead... turns out, she liked him to begin with and so now they're dating. when we talked on the phone, she barely said anything but i knew something was wrong. the way it went, i essentially broke up with myself. now im having serious regrets because i think i really liked her more than i led myself to beleive. that, or its just tough on the ego, and i have to see her and the other friend together all the time. i deleted all of her contact information, but i still have her email (on my msn block list actually)...i'm not sure if its really in my best interest to keep in touch with her to avoid any future awkwardness? i'm just so out of it right now and i'm kinda at a critical stage in my life with the end of my education and the beginning of my career so i need to keep my head in the game! the only problem is that i'm thinking about her all the time..."what if??" what should i do????
eDave Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 You made an error Brandon. It's your ego and you are kicking yourself for such a dumb mistake. I mean come on. Don't EVER let some other guy take out the girl you are interested in. What a boner.
bejshermanoaks Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 maybe u didnt act the way you wanted cause of the physical distance between you two? That would cause me to be passive--I might be scared to fall for a girl who I cant see enough cause I wouldnt like an LD relationship==just a thought, maybe you didnt act to protect yourself?
xpaperxcutx Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 Well you can't turn back time. Let's just say its fate dealt poorly. Perhaps in the future if fate likes you enough, you might be able to pursue her when she's single... In the meantime, you have to cut back your losses and focus on your future. There's plenty of girls out there after college and all.
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 You haven't lost your heart to her. You just lost your chance. Its not often we meet someone we have great chemistry with, so let it be a lesson for your future. Next time you meet someone and you feel that spark, grab it with both hands and dont let go. Let her continue with her relationship and you will avoid any possible drama in your circle of friends. Go looking for that chemistry.
fishtaco Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 If she likes your friend more anyway, why would you want to date her? You were second choice to begin with anyway. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm bashing your ego, but really you have to use a different perspective. If she's the focus of your world then yes, feel bad, feel inferior. But she's not. I bet there are other women out there that will like you better than your friend. So the issue here isn't competition or who's better, it's about picking the right girl. She's obviously the wrong one. Don't dwell on it. Deleting her contact is a good idea. Cut off contact with her until you truly don't care that this happened anymore, then you can befriend her if you like. You should never want just one girl anyway. You should draw a line and every girl that exceeds the qualification is fair game. So where are your other leads? It happens often that the girl I'm going on dates with for some reason doesn't work out. Then occasionally later I'd found out they disappeared because they're seeing someone else. The rules are until you are exclusive, you are not. Those are the times I'm glad I'm not exclusive either. I can't stress how important it is to never put all of your eggs in one basket. If you were seeing some other girls, instead of being all hurt and confused, you'd be like, oh... ok, guess I need to prepare for my date this Friday with girl A, and a date this Saturday with girl B, and maybe I should put my moves on girl C since now there's a spot open on my roster. In fact this situation is happening to me now. I just found out tonight one of the girls that was recently on my roster was bi, and she is now in a relationship with some girl. And just a couple of hours ago my friends were egging me on to hit up on this pretty attractive girl at the club -- I got shot down (but kudos to her for being nice about it). But do I feel bad? Not really because I have a date tomorrow. If my date cancels, I have two more girls I can call up. And you know, I'm no one special, and I get turned down a lot. If I could do it, so could you.
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